[ What. The. Fuck. ]

WHY WOULD I HOST MY OWN COOKING SHOW?!

I DON'T EVEN EAT!!!

( The City disagrees, Karl.... )

[OOC: Disclaimer. The image is from Deviantart. Not mine, but ain't it shiny? c: ]

....Again?

[ Yes. That's all he has to say at this point. ]

[ OOC: All the trolling, all the crack! GIMME! x3 ]

[ See Karl. ]

[ See Karl glowering. ]

[ See Karl livid. ]

I don't care about these damned ghouls. I hope they make each and every one of you squeal like bitty piglets. What I want to know which one of you did it. You know what I'm talking about. Who was it?

[ His eyes glow red. ]

Tell me.

[ OOC: Fallout of the weekend and Hatter's Diety trade. Someone is a ken-doll and not happy. Feel free to poke him, but don't expect an answer unless he knows you well xD ]

[ The feed snaps on to a very irritable Karl, sprawled out on a chaise by the pool, a book lying half-open in his lap. There's something of the cooked and crispy variety piled on the table near him. Several somethings. Apparently, Karl thought it simpler to roast the flock of talking chickens than to let them cluck away. ]

[ Glancing at the Device, he scowls, ]

For a limited time only. If you're in the mood for an extra-roasted meal, stop by here and pick it up. No strings. [ He even promises not to attack you. If you leave fast enough. ] Hopefully these feathered rats taste better than the advice they dole out.

[ On cue, a colorful rooster flutters to perch on the chaise. Tilting its head at Karl, it opines, ] Remember, mon ami, you can't court a woman like you’d go at a piece of steak. For many of the fairer sex, less is more. Teasing is pleasing. Light is rig--

[ Cut off by Karl thwacking the bird with his book, matter-of-fact and vicious. Expect the pile of chickens to grow significantly larger. ]

What the hell is this?!!

[ The impressive shout emerges, not from a man, but a teddy-bear. Lying on the pavement, kicking his tiny arms and legs feebly. Hi, Karl. ]

Of all the pathetic, worthless, idiotic -- !

[ A stream of profanities. Such a mouth Mr. Teddy has. Not PG-rated at all. ]

[OOC: Karl is a teddy-bear. Lol. Have at him! ]

... This again?

[ Karl's expression, dripping disdain, says it all. ]

Any familiar faces out there? Hm~?

Won't you come out and dance for me, Saya?

[OOC: Have at him! Anything goes!<3 ]

[ In a dark bedroom, Karl faces a mirror. ]

[ Awkwardly buttoning up his shirt, one-handed, he shoots his cuffs, and smoothes his hair. He doesn't bother to switch on a lamp. Or acknowledge the blinking Network device on his desk. When he turns, the empty sleeve of his right arm is seen. Tied off, it flaps uselessly at his side. He growls. ]

Waste of a perfect suit. But I forgive this place for being infuriatingly westernized and lacking any decent ao dai.

[ With an air of distaste, he snatches up the device. ]

Others I must forgive are absent. But Saya. I forgive you for being a bloodthirsty bitch and chopping my arm off to begin with. I also forgive you for leaving before I could eviscerate you and return the favor. When we next meet in Hell, may our reunion be a peaceable one. Haji. I forgive you for leaving with Saya, like her damned pet dog. You are pathetic. But you really can't help it.

Brother Amshel. I forgive you for your priggishness and manipulations. You're an utter bastard. But you made me what I am. You're exculpated and I wish you a sweet and sudden death. Solomon. I forgive you for killing me and siding with our enemies for something as idiotic as love. While I'd cheerfully strangle you, I understand you're as insane lonely as I am. Not to mention as stupid.

Grigori. I forgive your crackpot theories and your mongoloid fetish. Your influence on Amshel is why I suffered. If I met you, I'd slaughter you. But I understand you were an addlepated twat who didn't know better. Martin. I forgive you for getting killed by Solomon dying. Although you were a Nazi  had issues, you were all right. James. I forgive you too. You had the personality of a dead gnat. But you were family. Perhaps we could've found something in common over tea and crumpets?

Citizens. I forgive you for being dull, wretched, mewling pests. You're only human. You aren't capable of better.

Tch. I forgive the City, too, for its imbecilic curses and for resurrecting me after my death. I despise being alive. But perhaps I can stop and smell the roses. It's not like I have anything better to do.

[OOC: So very cursed xD ]

[ Karl's face is visible on the Network for all of three seconds. He seems almost creepily calm. But there's a subdued energy stirring around him, full of sparks like a topped-up battery. Matter-of-fact, he switches to a private line. ]

[ Deity Filter ]

I'll be brief. I'm interested in a trade.

[ OOC: Karl is trading for Diva's babbus to be returned to her! This will end well >:3 Any wandering Deities please take note<3 ]

[ The patio at Phantomhive has a circular pool set into it. The water, lit from within, throws dappled reflections on a pale body. Karl's. He sits, insouciant and exposed, at the edge of a diving board. Hair and skin wet--dripping. The shimmery light makes his bare shoulders into two pearly points. No scars anywhere, despite how often he's been sliced up. Chevaliers don't carry marks. ]

...I'm told nudity is a form of dress. Of course, the voices of decency and dignity would rush to disagree. [ Snort. ] Are the Deities trying to instill shame among the shameless? Or is the true purpose of this curse to afflict me with sunburn?

[ He yawns. Switches seamlessly to female form. Languidly, girl!Karl drops back onto her elbows, so her breasts stand up between her impudent face and the Network device's view. ]

If so, I reserve the right to laugh. My sunblock is waterproof. [ And his shame is ... shame-proof? ] Next time, dear Deities, let's pretend you have a speck of originality and use it. Lest the poor City should gouge its blushing eyes out.

[ In a blink, he reverts to his real form. Dives with a near-soundless plop into the pool. Feel free to look away or stare at your leisure. He's fairly easy on the eyes, if not woefully underfed. ]

[ Private to Solomon ]

If you don't come out of your room, I'm taking all your clothes and blankets away. And turning the air-conditioning to freezing.

[ Or just setting his hair on fire? ]

[ Private to Nathan ]

Do I even need to ask?

...Settling in fine?

[OOC: Cursed with Black Bars. Cover your eyes pls ;; ]

[ Karl sits in the gardens of Xanadu. He's peeling an apple, slicing off the blood-red skin with a knife in one winding loop. His smile is full of amusement and mystery and perfect, avid delight. ]

...If only fools fall in love, what a privilege to join their ranks. For I - abandoned, discarded, deep-sixed, dejected - have found a perfect little fool of my own.

Sssh. Don't mistake. She's not just any fool. She's a trickster, a Devil among Devils. With a harlequin's face and tongue like quicksilver. Not that you ingrates ought to hear of it. Not her tongue nor teeth nor thighs. Or whatever-have-we in between. Creatures as dull as you? Tch. No. Nein. Nix.

I refuse.

[ So there. ]

Hat~ter. Dearest. Sweetest. Bringer of evils. Light of my life. Won't you join me on a bloody fr~ay tonight? Or would you rather make demands of me? Petulant or petty. I'll fulfill them all. Prefer you hats? Daggers? Dresses? Acts of senseless violence?

Command in your softest dove's voice. Or screech, if you prefer. I'll ob~ey.

[ Tipping his head back, he dangles the peel playfully into his mouth. Munch. Munch. Munch. ]

Only - please don't deprive me of your company. Not an hour-minute-second more.

My heart breaks for every moment we're apart.

[ Cue smoldering look. It's almost convincing. ]


[ OOC: Not cursed. Just trolling poor Hatter for the lulz. His deathwish is clearly acting up. Horrified observers are free to either go along with it, or call him on it. ]

[ Karl stands at the dresser of Diva's bedroom. Sunshine slants through the window, dustmotes sparkling. The light glints off bottles of perfume on the dresser. Necklaces. Earrings. Sparkly hair-barrettes, some with a few dark strands still twined to them. Thoughtfully, Karl traces everything with a fingertip. Behind him, the bed is half-scattered with Diva's clothes, the pillows still redolent of her. ]

[ His reflection in the mirror is calm. But his eyes are flat and cold-looking. ]

It was only a matter of time, wasn't it?

[ Diva's song still unspools in his head. The room is rich with her scent - familiar and disorienting. Yet Karl is filled with silence. ]

[ His senses have long since told him she's left the City. ]

I'm so tired of this.

( Private to Self/Hard to Hack )

[ The feed snaps on to The Raven's dancefloor. Flashing jewel colors and bursts of confetti. It's a busy night. Everyone dressed to the nines, alive and zippy. A brunette with a wicked little scowl totters into view. Long dark hair hangs straight and shiny on either side of her face. Her dress - a low-cut black number - makes her skin seem china-white. She wears tall high-heels - the tufts of lace winding round her ankles. Sways in them, holding a tray of drinks aloft, while still looking graceful. ]

[ Yet there's something to her. A vibe of - familiarity? ]

...God. I'm not even surprised.

[ Huffing, she hands the tray to a waiter. Also in highheels. The man stammers awkwardly. Takes off to the kitchen, half-tripping in his footwear. The woman watches him go. Her eyes narrow with contempt. ]

Useless. [ Focusing on the remaining staff. ] Let's make one thing clear: A curse is no excuse not to do your job. Don't trouble me with nonsense about your lack of balance. Unless you want me to slice your feet off. As always, I'm in no mood for incompetence.

[...Hi, Karl. Extra-bitchy tonight, aren't you?... ]


[OOC: Cursed with Hell on Heels. And in girl-form for the remainder of the day. (His species are shapeshifters of epically creepy proportions). Replies will come from hellinhigheels ]

[ Under a shady tree, alone and huddled, is a young man. ]

[ In the dim sunlight, his profile is the same shape as Karl's. But the expression - the rumpled clothes and tangled hair - is completely not. There's no elegance. No sneering confidence or knife-sharp grins. Pale and trembling and slick with sweat, he looks on the verge of hyperventilating. Eyes wide with a million prayers, all hopeless. ]

[ Hearing a far-off noise, he jerks. His face is seen, full-on. ]

[ Karl's face. Yet not. Even in his most abject moments, Karl has never looked so boyish. So... innocent. His round eyes keep darting everywhere. As if the bushes and trees will jump at him. Looking at his babyish face, it's easy to trace the erosion of time and madness in the present-day Karl. Somewhere along the years, the big eyes have become half-lidded, something secret and sinister flickering in them. His mouth too, has acquired the hard, vicious quality of stamped tin. ]

[ This isn't Karl. but a stranger in his skin. Shell-shocked. Clueless. And scared out of his wits. ]

[ Over and over, he mumbles: ]

...I want to go home....I want to go home...


[OOC: Hit with The Years That Never Were, Karl has been cursed to his human, harmless (and Moe!) self, had he never met Diva, been forced to become a Chevalier, been used as a labrat and slowly been driven insane. Replies will come from allmyhopes ]

...Really.

[ Karl is seated by an intricate gazebo in the Phantomhive garden. Sipping - tea. What? Blood isn't the only thing he drinks. He's also (mercifully) fully-clothed. ]

This isn't as scandalous or as liberating as it's being made out to be.

[ Eyeroll. ]

Still. Some of us are much better off with our clothes on. This curse will hardly contest that.

[ Himself included. Hard to be imposing in the buff. Especially for the eternally pale and bony. ]

Glad I escaped notice for this one. I don't ...tan very well.

[ Or at all. ]

( Private to Merlin )

( Private to Self/Semi-Difficult to Hack )

Visitors? More like pests.

.... The stupidity here just rises higher and higher.

[ A scornful huff. ]

As charming as your presence is, I'm in no mood for mindless chatter. Keep out of my way.

I wonder if she's out here? With her pitiful lapdog?

( Private to Diva )

( Private to Dr. Chase )


[OOC: 4th Wall is go! Have at him! Open for video/text/audio/action xD ]

...Ridiculous curse.

But given the Deities' idea of fun, I'm not surprised.

[/FILTERED FROM RIDO KURAN ]

It's rare enough that someone important graces this dull place. As such, I ought to be grateful.

[ From the pitch alone, Karl sounds like he's smiling. Actually smiling - in a calm delighted way. Not bitter or sneering. Not goading fun at anyone's expense. ]

A very special member of my family is here, City. I trust expect everyone will treat her well.

Or else.

( (Private to Diva) )
( (Private to Aion) )
( (Private to Solomon) )

[OOC: Karl's pregnant Queen, Diva is here. Happy Chevalier is happy. And finally shouldering some responsibility, the brat. No more footloose fancyfree tiemz for YOU xDb ]

[The feed snaps on in a bathroom. White tiles. Steamed-up mirror. Solomon stands there, barefoot and in trousers. His shirt is unbuttoned, exposing the smooth cut of his chest. Belt-ends dangling, top button of fly undone. The light shows up how pale and fine he is. Bright as a sunflower with curly golden hair clustered around his face. Drops of water still rolling off his skin.]

[Solomon doesn't notice the device. Quietly, his hand traces the line of his jaw, his mouth. He smiles.] .

...Always so impossible to read.

Your eyes shine. But they give nothing away. Were you made like this? Or are you just hollow inside, like a cute dead doll?

[Glimpsing the device, he smirks.]

Enjoying the weekend yet, City~? I certainly am... 

[He's taking the curse eerily well. Against Solomon's sparkling appeal, Karl, with his black hair and hooded eyes, has always been the drab one. Gloomy. You have to look - keep looking - to catch his charms. So few bother to try. But now...]

[He sobers.]

A pity she isn't here...


[OOC: Hit with Bodyswappers, Karl has taken the very purrrty form of his Big Brother. Replies will come from unfavoritenomore.] 

[There is a vampire leaning by The Raven's entrance. His posture is like a snake's. Nothing stirring but a glint in the eye and a flicking tongue-tip. All gathered bloodlust waiting for its moment.]

The next brat to sneak in, will be summarily tossed out.

In pieces. 

[A smile. Bright, and entirely without warmth.]

Don't try it. And keep your pitiful bribes to yourself.


[OOC: Grrr. Noisy whippersnappers! NO DRINKS FOR YOU! By which I mean, anyone's totally free to come waltzing in - and stir up trouble. Just keep in mind, Karl may toss you out. His fondness for eating teenage girls notwithstanding, he has work to do, after all! Replies will be sporadic, as my internet is being a bitch!]