21 December 2012 @ 10:13 pm
oh shit
were out of apple juice
now i understand how it feels to face life or death
to make the sacrifice play for the other guy or suffer the consequences
the consequences being fatal thirst
do i have to drink my own piss for this?
has humanity fallen so low???

[ooc | Dave doesn't want to go out and get kissed.

But he wants his god damn apple juice.

So he's gonna go get his god damn apple juice.]
18 December 2012 @ 11:15 pm
so ive been working on a guide
one that is actually updated and helpful to clueless passersby who end up getting a surprise complimentary fuckin bath in the fountains
what do you guys think

got a couple more pages in the works
one about curses
the other city
various tourist attractions for the teenage soul
shit like that
28 November 2012 @ 06:22 pm
what the fuck did you do
i swear to god if you made a trade with the deities already im turning you into the authorities this is a crime against humanity

to everyone else plagued with this disease
calm down
this wont last forever
ill get egbert to write everyone an apology letter on scented paper using only the finest of milled inks
could write to the goddamn queen of england on that paper
wipe your ass with it its so fresh


19 November 2012 @ 09:56 pm
this bird wont stop shitting on me
04 November 2012 @ 11:47 pm
holy shit
here i am waking up from my restful slumber
innocent and unassuming
when all of a sudden its like the entire city decided it was past sharding and released its people diarrhea into the unsuspecting toilet that is the rest of us
looks like this is normal though

[ooc | Anything goes! Doubles, AUs, spoilers, whatever.]
06 October 2012 @ 05:33 pm

[A sick splatter of liquid, a groan, a panicked gasp.]

Shit, shit, shit-- how the hell does this even work. Okay, fuck, you made your point, I'll bow at your alter and sacrifice lambs and- nngh.

[A wheeze, some coughing, and zap. Static.]

[ooc | Souvenirs you never lose! Because being Dave is suffering: spoilers. All responses will be while he's in the Shadow City.]
02 September 2012 @ 03:54 am
[The device falls with a clatter to the ground, some feet away but still very conveniently pointed at Dave who appearifies out of fucking nowhere, bent double with shades sliding down his nose and he's coughing pretty severely. It's been about half a day since he tried to travel back in time, only to end up in what seemed more like an alternate dimension than another point in the timeline.

Unlike the icon, there is no blood and his shades aren't broken, but he's having a hard time breathing correctly. He seems to be somewhere in the City, with buildings looming tall. He leans against the wall and tries to get his bearings.]

What... the fuck... was that.

[He pushes his shades further up his nose to obscure red, red eyes. One last shuddering breath before it evens. He then moves to grab his device, frowning at the blinking red light. Fuck he so did not look cool just now. But fuck if he even cares. He switches it back to text, trying to appear REMARKABLY CALM and POSSIBLY FAILING.]

so its awesome that in all the introductory pamphlets and shit no one thought it would be kind of critical to mention the fucking other city floating around
do i have to wait for city geography 201 or something before i can find out about the advanced goings on and local haunts
well fuck you too professor numbnuts

[ooc | Some background info: Dave attempted to go back in time. Specifically, back to "when the clock was first built." Obviously, he can't do that, so he ended up in the Shadow City!]
25 August 2012 @ 02:29 pm
sucks to be you guys

[ooc | Tags will be slow because I SHOULD be studying right now whoops.]
11 August 2012 @ 01:06 am

oh ok so it wasnt enough of a complete mindfuck to see my bro
alive and younger and wearing purple pajamas and stealing sleeping floating teen moms like its no big thing
it obviously wasnt enough to drop my ass in a lukewarm water fountain full of suspicious colored coins and the dying hopes and dreams of small children and maybe even a handful of lovestruck couples
and if that wasnt obvious than it was MOST DEFINITELY not enough to be lost in a city ive never even seen in postcards
because someone
i dont know who
not pointing any fingers
not throwing any accusations
but someone out there somehow harnessed the power of a thousand overused stereotypical storyline tropes and thought theyd get a chuckle out of giving me an admittedly choice set of knockers
where the fuck is my moon scepter how the fuck do i stop this

cut for red font )

[ooc | replies will be coming from [personal profile] cogwheel!]