[When the video comes on, it's a closeup on yellow. Just...yellow. It soon becomes evident that this is part of a shirt, and someone is muttering in a Glaswegian accent to someone else, who isn't standing right in front of the mic of the device and is, therefore, muffled. "No, further back, further back. No, y' need t' get at least that whole section. Aye, that's right." The camera goes black a moment and then when something other than blackness is filmed, it's a tall and gangly young man with terrible floppy nineties hair and a terrible floppy nineties sweater. He waves furiously at the camera with his entire arm, the sleeve sliding halfway up it in his fervour.]

Hello, City! [Shouted, naturally.] I'm Campbell Bain, Professional DJ, an' d'you know what? I've arrived here twice, and I feel I'm missin' out on a classic City experience. That's right, Citizens, I've no fallen in the fountain even once! There's no excuse fae that. And soooo wi'out further ado...

[He raises his eyebrows at the camera, waits a moment, and then jumps into the fountain, walking around in a dramatic splashy stomping circle before actually jumping forward three times and creating enormous splashes. His jeans are soaked up to the knee, and splattered with water all the way up to his sweater. Laughing, he steps out, and walks back over toward the camera, which swings and points in a random direction as it's handed back over. Just before it's shut off, Campbell says:] My feet are bloody freezing.