31 March 2012 @ 12:28 am
Apparently one of my greatest hits has leaked to the public. Good, I wanted it on TV anyways.

I miss my family a lot sometimes.

[ooc; he is cursed with Memory Theater so your character might happen upon (warning: the following video has some disturbing content so if you don't want to see violence, don't watch) this unpleasant event. If you want to know what happens without watching, he walks on a schoolbus full of kids and torches it with a flamethrower while his brother carries boom boxes playing "Disco Inferno".]
21 March 2012 @ 08:38 pm
So, was the a curse yesterday or are you all actually cool now?

Most of you are pretty lame so I'm guessing the former.
29 February 2012 @ 08:39 pm
Fuck glass houses. We should all throw some stones.
11 February 2012 @ 01:21 pm
Whoever wrote the messages on these things is pretty funny but the choice of candy is totally lame. All candy is pretty lame, but these are really scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Valentine's Day is pretty much the worst holiday as it is. Even worse than Christmas. Look at me, I feel entitled to shit because I tied myself down to a committed relationship, let's put up a bunch of tacky hearts and glitter to shove in everyone's faces. As soon as I get back home I'm gonna make it fucking illegal to celebrate Valentine's Day.

By the way, whoever out there is thinking of getting some sweet-ass brutality on some dude named Charlie, man up and do it because it's a great idea. You don't want people to think you're a wimp, right?
27 January 2012 @ 10:15 pm
Jesus fucking christ, it's like a fucking zoo in here today.

I love it. Someone give 'em some weapons and let 'em fight. Film it for me.

[ooc; Open to fourth wall.]
22 January 2012 @ 02:44 am
Cut for picture )

[A king cobra can be seen in the background behind Slick. He seems to be keeping his distance from it.]

Okay, so, I'm not fucking crazy or anything - you guys see the talking snake, too, right?

You're not fucking crazy. There, it's on tape and everyone can validate you. Can we move on now?

As soon as someone else says I'm not hallucinating.

Maybe you need to lay off the drugs a little if that's what you think every time something weird happens.

Yeah, thanks mom, I'm not in kindergarten.

Whatever. Just find someone other than me to yell at for a while. Invite someone over and I'll bite them.

This is still recording, genius.

Oh. Well, that was sarcasm. Yeah. Nothing to worry about here.
17 January 2012 @ 10:47 pm
Okay, what the fuck is this?

If anyone spiked my fucking drink I’m gonna have you killed. If I wanted to do that shit right now, I’d hire someone to make sure I didn’t end up in the middle of bullshitville.

If anyone can direct me to the nearest payphone, I’d appreciate the hell outta that.

Trust me, the sooner I leave, the easier it’ll be on you losers.