[Yep, have a text from this assassin who probably doesn't even know she sent it.]

want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.

he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.


[And there is nothing else because...really ne doesn't have any shame]

[No doubt by this point the City is overwhelmingly used to what appear to be lost idiots appearing in their midst, and everyone is very, very, tired of giving the same spiel. 'No, you can't leave, no, no one has any real idea what's going on, yes, that Clock is a right bastard, isn't it?'

Etc.

So fortunately the man - tall even though he's sitting down, wearing an air of vague menace, too many teeth in his mouth - who appears in the video monitor has questions which require none of these answers. Erik has what could probably be called a severe psychological problem with displaying any kind of active weakness, and looking out of his depth certainly qualifies. By the time he deigns to contact the Network he's gathered some idea of what's happened to him (which he's not so blase as to accept as normal, but then again the last couple of weeks have included women who can turn into living diamond, hauling submarines ass over tea kettle out of the water, and a gentleman who bears a marked resemblance to Goethe's idea of Satan) and figured out at least the basics of the helpful device with which he's been outfitted. Incidentally he's holding this video conference in what appears to be one of the city's many coffee shops, imbibing a cup of something approximately the consistency of pitch.

He speaks with no clearly discernible accent, although those with the correctly trained ear will observe a melting pot of Europeanness in there: Germany by way of everywhere. EXCEPT IRELAND]

So this is the future.
( Close enough for horseshoes, hand grenades and government work, anyway. )

woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.

[ A moment later. ]

not sure why I typed that but hey now I'm hungry.

( ooc: basically bucky's future in one curse. all replies will either be audio/video because he hates typing anyway. )

(702): He legit just yelled at me "You are a guest in my corn!!!"

[ooc: Because multi-directional cross-canon jokes are always in style. 10 bonus oints to anyone who gets all the references.]

So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?

[Five minutes later a voice addition is hastily appended]

That wasn't me!

he actually likes it when girls lie there like a dead fish

[Yin's voice comes on shortly after the text is sent. There might be a tinge of uncertainty, but otherwise she sounds unfazed.]

That's what it's like. [Yes, she hadn't been directly affected by a curse yet. And that's about all she has to say on the matter.]


[For action she can be found at the Welcome Center, where she now works, or out and about shopping for food, buying more canned cat food than human food. Or at the apartment she shares with Mao, for Mao or Hei.]

Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.

[Brief pause between the text message and audio]

[Audio]

And now that everyone knows what my body has in common with Rocky...bring me chocolate?

well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.

[ Immediately after this, Clary's audio feed comes through. She sounds very embarassed. ] I hope we all know that today is a curse day and that didn't actually happen. [ Even though her boyfriend could probably jump three floors if he wanted and still ... well, she's not going there. ]

SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A PROSTITUTE AGAIN!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!!!!

[Penny is unaware of this text post. She will remain unaware until someone brings it to her attention because, thanks to a certain someone's evil tea, she's spending the day being... not at all like Penny. Feel free to bump into her at the Welcome Center or in the City Square. Also feel free to hear her say any of the following to hapless NPCs:]


[WELCOME CENTER]

Why should I help you? You've been here for months. Try getting a job.

Geez, cry more. So your boyfriend broke up with you, whatever. The last time I had a boyfriend? I died. Perspective.


[CITY SQUARE]

Why don't you watch where you're going instead of apologizing? Like whatever you're texting is that important.

Maybe I'm tired of people like you walking all over me! Seriously, get out of my face or I'll go get a stepladder and punch yours.


[ooc: Nastiness brought to you by the sinister tea plot; responses will come from Penny's curse journal because she doesn't make mean faces. Ever.]

[Just to be safe, she turns the video on first. The post comes late in the evening, after work is over; Mae is filming it from her room. She missed her moment of YouTube glory back when, so she's making up for lost time.]

In light of today's informative and random curse, I'd like to remind everyone of a few things. Just in case any of the jewels spilled today by - [air quote] - "the curse" - [stops air quoting] - come from a subconscious part of your brain or from a moment in the future or from the interpretation of the universe of what you might consider a life option, here are some tidbits to remember. Some from personal experience, some not:

[She begins to enumerate them by ticking each off on one finger.]

One, they sell condoms in the City. No-one is going to judge you for liking whichever gender and body part of that gender's anatomy you like, as long as you keep safe about it.

Two, for extreme hangovers brought to you by why am I sleeping in the dog's bed, hydrate. An aspirin could work as well, though water is the most important part. Everyone has a different reaction to home-made hangover remedies, so either experiment or...groan on the couch whilst regretting your life choices and the existence of your stomach.

Three, it's okay to be single, citizens. Your arms won't fall off if you don't have someone to hold with them. But if you're really in need of a hug ever so often, just ask.

[A clap; standard teacher etiquette here - signalising the end of the list.] And that's it! As for what inevitable remains of this cursed day, let's try to take it with a pinch of salt?

[A pause.] Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if one message popped up with this post as well. [She shrugs; as they say, yolo. And so on. Done with tonight's lesson, she switches the video off.]

[ooc; WAIT FOR IIIIT - everyone replying to this will get their very own TFLN. Let's see how long until she's fed up with grains of salt ;)]