[The video comes on to show Jimmy, holding a drink -- probably not his first of the day -- and smiling a little sloppily at the camera.]

Happy fuckin' St. Patrick's Day!

[There's a pause as he takes a long sip from his drink and continues.]

So maybe you ain't Irish, but today you can pretend, y'know. Have enough drinks, and everybody looks fuckin' Irish.

[He adjusts the video a little so he can raise his glass to the camera, as though toasting everyone.]

Just don't do anythin' stupid.

[And then he seems to realize the ridiculousness of that statement coming from him, and laughs until he remembers to shut the video feed off.]

[The image opens as Leah tries to take an Instagram-style picture of her drink, but drunkenly mistakenly turns on video instead. There are several empty glasses in the background. As soon as she's satisfied with the shot, she puts her device down on the counter, video still recording.]

This was his favorite drink, you know. Well, not this. The regular kind. What did you say this kind was called again? A mudslide? How silly, there is no mud in it. One cannot drunk mud. Though I'd like to make him try for disappearing like this. Where has he gone without leaving word? How dare he leave me all alone like this?

Ah, it is so pathetic of me to complain so. See how pathetic he has made me? This is entirely his fault!

[There's a long, looong slurping noise as she seems to drink the whole glass in one go.] I like this mudslide. Barkeep, another!

Remember, kids, no one can stab you in the back if you stab them in the front first. Also, if you try to pinch me for not wearing green today I'll provide a free demonstration of the concept! Now let's all drink until we forget how lame St. Patrick's day is.

[ Al has clearly taken his time setting up this shot to ensure the whole length of the bar can be seen. It's spruced up for the holiday more or less, glasses at the ready and green and yellow balloons coating the ceiling. Special spirits are presented in the foreground in green bottles or are marked with a green tap. The regular liquor is still on shelf, it's just playing a minor role in the whole arrangement.

Meanwhile, he steps into the foreground to fix his almost too green tie and adjust the collar of his shirt. Respect the imagined completely fabricated authority, folks. ]

Alright listen up, especially all you micks out there. We all know the date and how you like to celebrate your beloved patron saint, but before you really get into it, I'm laying some ground rules for the house. First round of the night is free for everyone, after that it's standard price. If you're gonna stay all night, pony up at the bar and we'll make sure you're set up for the evening.

As for anyone who overstays their welcome or turns up with empty pockets, well, you'll be getting a good, long tour of the back alley. I can personally guarantee it.

So until you get down here for a good time, too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral to you.

(Notes: Bartending at Lucky's and Eden for St. Patrick's-- any and all thirsty folks and shenanigans welcome. Huzzah!)

Ohhhhh no. You're not getting me this year, Deities. The first time I ever arrived in the City, I made the mistake of drinking as much as I wanted during this curse. That's not going to happen again!

Besides, vodka is much better than beer. If you're going to have a curse where everyone gets shit-faced, at least use 40%-80% proof vodka.