"I found something." Rich had a mischievous twinkle in his eye, and Kristen looked down to see him holding what appeared to be an ancient cock ring. "I found it under two skeletons. It must have fallen off the male when his erection finally gave way to bleak putrefaction."

Kristen, who has a weakness for antique cock rings, glanced at the other archaeologists in the tomb. "Well, we can't legally remove it from the site."

"No, we can't. but we can work overtime tonight."

And with that we waited for the last archaeologist to leave, telling each departing colleague we were going to bone-dust for another hour or two and then we'd join everyone for tequila shots at Pato Afortunado. Soon we were the only two on the site.

We'd made intimate love in public before, but never in front of skeletons. We were ready to give those empty eye sockets a show their brainless skulls would never forget nor remember. Kissing and sucking ensued in superb and perfect ways, and before long we were ready for the big event. Kristen held up the Aztec cock ring. "It's beautiful."

What--? How did that even-- That is private!

[ Then, when she realizes it's still recording, ] …And I did not write that!

“Jennifer Aniston and Her New Man'" I read the words aloud uncertainly. "What new man? Why would she need a new man?"

Oh yes." Nicole follows my gaze, unconcerned. "You know she split up from Brad Pitt?"

Jennifer and Brad split?" I stare up at her, aghast. "You can't be serious! They can't have done!"

He went off with Angelina Jolie. They've got a daughter."

No!" I wail. "But Jen and Brad were so perfect together! They looked so good and they had that lovely wedding picture and everything...."

They're divorced now." Nicole shrugs, like it's no big deal.

I can't get over this. Jennifer and Brad divorced. The world is a different place.”