( audio & action 16 )

[studmuffin]

Stop, stop --. [ There's a bird sitting on the hood of Stiles' jeep. The boy who owns it is currently trying to wave the thing off with his bag full of groceries. ] Please be quiet, c'mon, just quit it.

[ The birds wings ruffle but it doesn't take off, just opens it's beak to speak in a voice that is exactly Stiles, couldn't be anyone else's. ] His ass is amazing. That should be why they tell you not to go into the woods. But he has these teeth too and usually that means being eaten and not in a fun, sexy way.

No no no no. Stop talking, stop right this instant. [ Panicking. ] I was cursed, it doesn't count, it was totally a curse.

[ Of course, the only way this could be worse is if his device was broadcasting to the whole City ]

... I'm just going to go kill myself now.

Comments

video;

[brobeforehos]

[Sits here, smiling.]

video;

[studmuffin]

[ Putting the groceries down on the passenger seat and slumping in his own, head in one of his hands. ]

Don't even start, Ashton, just don't.

video;

[brobeforehos]

[Raises a hand and crosses her fingers over her smiling lips, simulating a closed zipper.]

audio:

[charring]

Awkward.

audio:

[studmuffin]

You have no idea how much.

Re: audio:

[charring]

How doomed are you?

audio;

[theassassin]

I wonder which his worse? The bird speaking up, or the fact that everyone in the city just heard it.

audio;

[studmuffin]

It's safe to say my life is pretty much over.

audio;

[theassassin]

Great. [A beat.] Depending on how you feel about being saved by a girl, I might be willing to make sure that doesn't happen. Barton would... probably try to kick my ass if I willingly let anything bad happen to you.

[What is it with all of you defenseless...guys?]

[justamessenger]

I think that's a little over-reaction. Maybe he'll appreciate hearing that his ass has admirers.

[studmuffin]

No, no. He hates everything, he hates me, he's going to take those many facts and use them to strangle me to death.

[justamessenger]

I didn't know you could strangle someone with facts, outside the metaphorical.

[helsmaiden]

This seems somehow familiar.

[studmuffin]

I said it to you. Well, death goddess you.

[helsmaiden]

Ah yes. Now I remember.

Do you fear for your safety should your Derek overhear?

[lupusalpha]

[Speaking of Derek, a certain Alpha is starting to stir from his bedroom.

He smells groceries and hears chatter]

[studmuffin]

[ Fine, he's going to place his groceries on the floor and try to scare the bird that way. ]

You followed me home you stalker asshole, get the hell out of here.

[lupusalpha]

[Okay now he's out of bed and opens the door to find-

A bird.]

What?

audio;

[anunluckypenny]

Going into the woods? Teeth? Stiles, are you okay?

[These are the most relevant details, if not the most interesting.]

audio;

[studmuffin]

[ Flailing slightly before responding. His voice is only almost strained. ]

I'm fine, totally. Just kinda freaked out.

audio;

[anunluckypenny]

Toothy people in the woods are worth freaking out about.

[intheblanks]

Can't you save it for the margins of your schoolbooks?

[studmuffin]

[ He thought you were cool, Chase. >( ]

You're not funny.

[ Video ]

[bettercallit]

There's a sexy way to be eaten? 'Cause I'm all ears.

[ Video ]

[studmuffin]

[ Derek's kicked him out so Stiles is mostly just stomping through the City in his response video. ]

I'm not explaining that to you, bro. Watch some porn.