( audio & action 16 )

[studmuffin]

Stop, stop --. [ There's a bird sitting on the hood of Stiles' jeep. The boy who owns it is currently trying to wave the thing off with his bag full of groceries. ] Please be quiet, c'mon, just quit it.

[ The birds wings ruffle but it doesn't take off, just opens it's beak to speak in a voice that is exactly Stiles, couldn't be anyone else's. ] His ass is amazing. That should be why they tell you not to go into the woods. But he has these teeth too and usually that means being eaten and not in a fun, sexy way.

No no no no. Stop talking, stop right this instant. [ Panicking. ] I was cursed, it doesn't count, it was totally a curse.

[ Of course, the only way this could be worse is if his device was broadcasting to the whole City ]

... I'm just going to go kill myself now.

Comments

[studmuffin]

Yes.

[ Excuse him Leah, he's having a crisis. ] You don't know Derek like I do. Saving his life makes him want to murder you viciously. Wanting to bang him must be like several thousand times worse.

[helsmaiden]

Do not worry. I would protect you.

[studmuffin]

[ Pause. ]

Uh. He's kind of seriously violent.

[helsmaiden]

I think I can handle him

[studmuffin]

[ Evading. ]

Maybe it won't come to that.

[helsmaiden]

Perhaps it won't. I pray it does not for your sake, friend Stiles.

[studmuffin]

Um, thanks Leah. Means a lot.

LOKIJACKED

[doeswhathewants]

Perhaps he does not like you saving him because he is one of those chivalric types that would prefer to do the saving! You ought to put yourself in peril, so he can save you and then swoon into his arms and all would be well.

/lays down.

[studmuffin]

He's saved me before, nobody got all hot and bothered by it.

[ Not that he knows it anyway. ] Anyway - that is not. I don't want to date Derek.

[doeswhathewants]

Your bird did not say anything about dating.

[studmuffin]

I'm not that kind of dude, dude.

[doeswhathewants]

Dinner and a movie first? Well. Why not? Perhaps he likes you as well.

[studmuffin]

[ Hysterical fucking laughter. ]

He likes to shove my face into walls. That's not reciprocating awful and weird attraction. I'm not into him. I just think he's aesthetically pleasing sometimes. When he's not hitting me.

[doeswhathewants]

Were you and he animals, I would say that was reciprocating. Or dominance play. I know hell hounds do this growly snarly thing at each other before mating.

[studmuffin]

[ Screaming internally. ]

I don't think he's trying to dom - you know what I think this is going too far. I might have to literally throw myself under a car right now.

[doeswhathewants]

Stiles! It was a joke. Make no rash efforts.

Embarrassing things happen to people all of the time here, it will blow over. Though your words of him eating you in the not fun way are disturbing and give credence to the cannibalism comments from earlier.

[studmuffin]

He's not a cannibal.

[ Sigh. ] He's just a jerk. [ Mumbled. ] A stupid, sexy jerk.

[doeswhathewants]

Perhaps you ought to simply tell him that rather than allow him to hear it from a bird.

[studmuffin]

No.

I do have some self-preservation.