( audio & action 16 )

[studmuffin]

Stop, stop --. [ There's a bird sitting on the hood of Stiles' jeep. The boy who owns it is currently trying to wave the thing off with his bag full of groceries. ] Please be quiet, c'mon, just quit it.

[ The birds wings ruffle but it doesn't take off, just opens it's beak to speak in a voice that is exactly Stiles, couldn't be anyone else's. ] His ass is amazing. That should be why they tell you not to go into the woods. But he has these teeth too and usually that means being eaten and not in a fun, sexy way.

No no no no. Stop talking, stop right this instant. [ Panicking. ] I was cursed, it doesn't count, it was totally a curse.

[ Of course, the only way this could be worse is if his device was broadcasting to the whole City ]

... I'm just going to go kill myself now.

Comments

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[studmuffin]

Awesome.

[ He glances around his jeep. ] If I don't make it, tell the police.

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[brobeforehos]

I'll tell them to look for some dude with a great ass?

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[studmuffin]

[ Head banging against the wheel. ]

Oh god.

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[brobeforehos]

Though that covers a lot of men in the City, mind you.

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[studmuffin]

He has terrifying eyebrows and a boner for leather jackets.

[ Wait, he shouldn't talk about Derek's boner. ] Fuck.

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[brobeforehos]

And the perpetual grumpy face?

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[studmuffin]

Oh good, you know who I'm talking about.

[ He's not getting up from where he's faceplanted. ]

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[brobeforehos]

Is it sad that he sounds like someone I'd have dated back home?

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[studmuffin]

Believe me, Derek Hale does not date. Derek Hale probably just has people falling over him but he's too busy trying to beat up innocent teenagers.

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[brobeforehos]

Sounds like not a catch. Find some other ass to admire, Stiles. One that will gladly bend over to pick up those keys on the floor.

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[studmuffin]

[ Whine. ]

He does press ups like all the time - this is not my fault.

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[brobeforehos]

Good for him, but a jerk is still a jerk by any other abs.

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[studmuffin]

I'm not like --.

[ Carefully. ] I'm not into Derek. I'd be safer dating a box of knives.

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[brobeforehos]

You're just an admirer of his physique.

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[studmuffin]

Exactly ... no wait.

[ Leaning back in his seat. ] I'm going to go try and bribe some shady guy into buying me alcohol.

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[brobeforehos]

I'll buy you alcohol.

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[studmuffin]

Hey, if I don't have to compliment anyone's beard I'm all for it.

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[brobeforehos]

You need to stop.

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[studmuffin]

Complimenting beards?

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[brobeforehos]

Pimping yourself out for alcohol.

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[studmuffin]

Hey, when your dad's the sheriff you have to get inventive.

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[brobeforehos]

Along that road lies only trouble.

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[studmuffin]

Hey, I need it. Derek's going to rip my throat out ... With his teeth.

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[brobeforehos]

But where are your standards? You have friends that are of legal age who would not mind providing you with drinks.

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[studmuffin]

Okay, be a friend and help me find the booze.