( audio & action 16 )

[studmuffin]

Stop, stop --. [ There's a bird sitting on the hood of Stiles' jeep. The boy who owns it is currently trying to wave the thing off with his bag full of groceries. ] Please be quiet, c'mon, just quit it.

[ The birds wings ruffle but it doesn't take off, just opens it's beak to speak in a voice that is exactly Stiles, couldn't be anyone else's. ] His ass is amazing. That should be why they tell you not to go into the woods. But he has these teeth too and usually that means being eaten and not in a fun, sexy way.

No no no no. Stop talking, stop right this instant. [ Panicking. ] I was cursed, it doesn't count, it was totally a curse.

[ Of course, the only way this could be worse is if his device was broadcasting to the whole City ]

... I'm just going to go kill myself now.

Comments

[lupusalpha]

I could throw you at it. That might solve our problems.

[studmuffin]

[ Glaring at him. ]

Well sure, why don't we resort to physical violence, that solves all of them.

[lupusalpha]

You're the one having deep conversations with a bird about the state of my ass, Stiles.

[Because he's not stupid.]

[studmuffin]

[ Frustrated. ]

I didn't talk to the bird about it, I talked to Le - fuck.

[lupusalpha]

[Okay, Derek is hauling Stiles across the room]

To who?

[studmuffin]

Ow, ow. [ Flailing. ] Leah, jesus, get off me.

[lupusalpha]

Why are you talking about me with someone named Leah?

[He hasn't even heard the recording yet.]

[studmuffin]

I was Little Red Riding Brat.

[ Flailing at him. ] She asked about you, god. It's not like I'm the first person in the world to comment on your body.

[lupusalpha]

[He lets go of Stiles and huffs. He doesn't actually like it very much when people do that. Comment on his body.

But whatever. He didn't break any bones, Stiles should be grateful.]

[studmuffin]

Do not tell me you have body issues.

[ Pointing at him. Maybe all this self-mortification is just making him slightly angry. ] You are the hottest person around here and I hate your stupid face.

[lupusalpha]

[He turns, incredulity painted on his expression]

It's not about my-

No.

[studmuffin]

[ Throwing his hands up in the air. ]

Whatever.

[lupusalpha]

[He looks up at the bird, who looks down at him]

And stop saying you hate me. You're a terrible liar.

[studmuffin]

[ Well look, Derek's not the only one who can growl. ]

I find you semi-attractive, you're still an asshole.

[lupusalpha]

[That's a lie - semi-attractive - but Derek's not calling him out on it. Instead he just goes to get a broom]

You - you and Scott - nothing but trouble, from day one!

[studmuffin]

Stop bringing Scott into this.

[ He needs to be hideously drunk. He needs to not be around Derek or something. ]

And stop being you.

[lupusalpha]

[He swings the broom towards the bird, and the bird lets out a cry and flies away.]

Get out.

[studmuffin]

[ Derek Hale frightening a bird with a broom.

... Fuck it, Stiles just doubles over with hysterical laughter. ] Our lives are a mess, oh god.

[lupusalpha]

Our lives?

[He just stares. Why is Stiles laughing so hard.]

[studmuffin]

You're a ridiculously hot werewolf with anger management issues and a house full of teenagers. I am an awkward and completely out of it kid who can't go one day without bumping into something or saying dumb shit or - I don't freaking no. I got my best friend turned into a werewolf. It's crazy, everything's crazy.

[ Throwing himself into the couch and still laughing. ]

[lupusalpha]

[He doesn't say anything. He just stays quiet for a minute.]

I'm not talking about this with you.

[studmuffin]

There's nothing to talk about. [ Staring at the ceiling. ] Got it.

[lupusalpha]

Stop bringing birds into the house.

[studmuffin]

[ Shoving a pillow over his own face. ]

I'm gonna move out.

[lupusalpha]

Where?