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boardwalk empire - jimmy darmody

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[He's sitting at a table, pen in hand, trying to look professional. The pinstriped suit helps, as does the fedora set at a jaunty angle.]

Now. I know we had some marriages yesterday, and some prenups. And for those of you who actually went through with the marriage and might be regrettin' it, well...

[A big smile.]

I'm here to offer my services as a divorce lawyer. I promise you, I charge fair rates. And I'm damn good at it. Consider it. Nobody should have to be married to anybody they don't wanna be.

[This is a lie. He's never practiced law in his life. But hey, he can show you a degree if you really want to see it... a JD in Bullshit from the University of Totally Lying.]

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[Just this face.]

What?

You can't be serious.

Why not? Never met a lawyer before?

I've met lawyers before. And I've met shady individuals before. Surprisingly, lawyers and shady individuals were one and the same.

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Ae you really?

[He laughs, not sounding very lawyerly.]

Sure. Why, don't believe me?

You don't strike me as the lawyery type.

Okay, I'll bite. What do I strike you as instead? Three guesses.

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Alas we didn't make it to the wedding. I was really looking forward to wearing that dress.

Too bad. If it hadn't worked out, I coulda helped you get the divorce. Guess you'll have to use the dress for somethin' else.

That is true! I could always dye it.

Maybe pink, to match your hair.

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Pretty sure neither party being of sound mind is one of the qualifiers for annulment.

Should make it even easier, right? Since everybody was cursed.

Exactly. Though the lack of necessity for divorce might imply the lack of necessity for a divorce lawyer.

Also the lack of a recognised legal system.

Can't blame me for tryin' to do what I do best.

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You're a divorce lawyer?

Sure. I'm a lotta things.

I thought you were unemployed and looking for a job at a bar.

Yeah, I am unemployed. 'cause nobody's taken my services as a lawyer yet.

And hilarity would have ensued!

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Quite the opportunist.

Guess you could put it that way.

Any takers?

Not so far.

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