Video

[trenchknives]

[He's sitting at a table, pen in hand, trying to look professional. The pinstriped suit helps, as does the fedora set at a jaunty angle.]

Now. I know we had some marriages yesterday, and some prenups. And for those of you who actually went through with the marriage and might be regrettin' it, well...

[A big smile.]

I'm here to offer my services as a divorce lawyer. I promise you, I charge fair rates. And I'm damn good at it. Consider it. Nobody should have to be married to anybody they don't wanna be.

[This is a lie. He's never practiced law in his life. But hey, he can show you a degree if you really want to see it... a JD in Bullshit from the University of Totally Lying.]

Comments

[trenchknives]

It's a shame you're not doin' it anymore. Don't suppose I could convince you to take it up again?

[waitedforyears]

Tempting as that is, 'm afraid not.

[trenchknives]

Well, y'can't blame me for tryin', the way you look.

[waitedforyears]

Nope. I really can't.

[trenchknives]

Hey, with confidence like that, you could be dangerous.

[waitedforyears]

Who says I'm not?

[trenchknives]

Well, if there's one thing I know about women, it's that you're all varying degrees of dangerous.

[waitedforyears]

Smart man.

[trenchknives]

Hey, look, there's getting shot at by German snipers... and then there's pissin' off a beautiful woman. Guess which one I try to avoid more?

[waitedforyears]

You just told me you have a military background, so that's really no guesswork at all.

[trenchknives]

Fine, fine, you're smarter than me.

[A grin.]

[waitedforyears]

See, with that attitude, you'll make it far, 'm sure.

[trenchknives]

What, 'cause I know when to concede a point for the sake of flirtin'?

[waitedforyears]

Absolutely. Important skill to have, that.

[trenchknives]

Well, that's me. Skilled. In many ways.

[waitedforyears]

Impersonating a lawyer amongst them?

[trenchknives]

One of the best of my skills, actually, yeah.

[waitedforyears]

So you do admit to impersonating one.

[trenchknives]

[He laughs, nodding.]

Yeah, yeah, I am. For the greater good, though!

[waitedforyears]

Well, your secret's safe with me.

[trenchknives]

Good. And in exchange, if you're ever in need of a divorce or somethin', I'll help you find a real lawyer.

[waitedforyears]

Not really planning on getting a divorce anytime soon, but I'll keep it in mind.

[trenchknives]

Good. Don't get a divorce. It sounds messy.

[A pause.]

Guess I shouldn't say that if I'm a 'divorce lawyer'.

[waitedforyears]

Yeah, I don't particularly want one.