Video

[trenchknives]

[He's sitting at a table, pen in hand, trying to look professional. The pinstriped suit helps, as does the fedora set at a jaunty angle.]

Now. I know we had some marriages yesterday, and some prenups. And for those of you who actually went through with the marriage and might be regrettin' it, well...

[A big smile.]

I'm here to offer my services as a divorce lawyer. I promise you, I charge fair rates. And I'm damn good at it. Consider it. Nobody should have to be married to anybody they don't wanna be.

[This is a lie. He's never practiced law in his life. But hey, he can show you a degree if you really want to see it... a JD in Bullshit from the University of Totally Lying.]

Comments

video:

[charring]

[Just this face.]

Re: video:

[trenchknives]

What?

video:

[charring]

You can't be serious.

Re: video:

[trenchknives]

Why not? Never met a lawyer before?

video:

[charring]

I've met lawyers before. And I've met shady individuals before. Surprisingly, lawyers and shady individuals were one and the same.

Re: video:

[trenchknives]

You're not wrong about that. And I ain't gonna say I've never done shady things. But I'm good at my job.

[My fake, fake job.]

Re: video:

[charring]

...this is probably the only upside to me not actually marrying Merlin.

[A pause and then;]

No. I lied. Even then I wouldn't have come to you for 'legal' aid.

Re: video:

[trenchknives]

Why not? I've provided excellent legal aid in the past.

Re: video:

[charring]

You remember what I said a few seconds ago about shady lawyers?

[Plus, she'd have been super happy.]

Re: video:

[trenchknives]

Yeah. But maybe you're just not the divorce type.

[waitedforyears]

Ae you really?

[trenchknives]

[He laughs, not sounding very lawyerly.]

Sure. Why, don't believe me?

[waitedforyears]

You don't strike me as the lawyery type.

Re: video:

[charring]

Well, there's that. I'm too stubborn for it.

[trenchknives]

Okay, I'll bite. What do I strike you as instead? Three guesses.

Re: video:

[trenchknives]

So you wouldn't want my services anyway. You gonna actually get married?

[justamessenger]

Alas we didn't make it to the wedding. I was really looking forward to wearing that dress.

[waitedforyears]

Probably a good kisser, but I'm betting you're not a kissogram, so not guessing that one.

Salesman. Maybe military, or a traveller.

[trenchknives]

Too bad. If it hadn't worked out, I coulda helped you get the divorce. Guess you'll have to use the dress for somethin' else.

[trenchknives]

I am a good kisser, you got that right.

[A pause.]

What the hell's a kissogram?

I do have a military background, so score one for you, I guess.

[justamessenger]

That is true! I could always dye it.

[trenchknives]

Maybe pink, to match your hair.

[waitedforyears]

Someone who goes to parties and kisses people.

Hah. See, not so bad.

[justamessenger]

It has a pink crinoline. That would loose the contrast.

[Don't you know anything, Jimmy?]

[trenchknives]

You can get paid to do that? Shit, where do I sign up?