Video

[trenchknives]

[He's sitting at a table, pen in hand, trying to look professional. The pinstriped suit helps, as does the fedora set at a jaunty angle.]

Now. I know we had some marriages yesterday, and some prenups. And for those of you who actually went through with the marriage and might be regrettin' it, well...

[A big smile.]

I'm here to offer my services as a divorce lawyer. I promise you, I charge fair rates. And I'm damn good at it. Consider it. Nobody should have to be married to anybody they don't wanna be.

[This is a lie. He's never practiced law in his life. But hey, he can show you a degree if you really want to see it... a JD in Bullshit from the University of Totally Lying.]

Comments

[justamessenger]

That is true! I could always dye it.

[trenchknives]

Maybe pink, to match your hair.

[justamessenger]

It has a pink crinoline. That would loose the contrast.

[Don't you know anything, Jimmy?]

[trenchknives]

Okay, so dye it... uh...

[He has no idea what goes with pink. He'll take a random stab in the dark.]

Purple?

[justamessenger]

I'll give that a go.

[trenchknives]

Don't suppose there's any way I can convince you to get married anyway and then get divorced real quick?

[justamessenger]

Sorry. It's really not a great idea for me, anyway.

I enjoy your enthusiasm for lawyering, though.

[trenchknives]

Oh, yeah, I love to lawyer. Lawyering is what I do best. It's, uh, a personal passion.

[He's really laying this on thick here.]

[justamessenger]

It's important to love what you do.

[trenchknives]

And whaddo you do?

[justamessenger]

Oh, lots of stuff. Today I took pictures of whales at the beach.

[trenchknives]

Do y'get paid for any of it?

[justamessenger]

Not the picture-taking, no.

[trenchknives]

Whaddo ya do for cash?

[justamessenger]

Are you a lawyer all the time or is this just a handy opportunity?

[trenchknives]

[He laughs.]

You got me. I'm not a lawyer all the time. But I do like opportunities a lot.

[justamessenger]

I thought so. You seemed very enthusiastic about the job.

[trenchknives]

Too enthusiastic? Should I maybe have been a little more... laid back?

[justamessenger]

I think lawyers generally wait for people to come to them. Unless you're one of those injury lawyers on tv.

[trenchknives]

[Thanks to a quick education in modern technology, Jimmy actually knows what TV is now.]

There's lawyer ads on TV?

[justamessenger]

Yep. Most of them are called The Hammer.

[trenchknives]

[He laughs.]

I wanna think you're fulla shit, but...

[justamessenger]

Nope. Genuine truth 24/7, that's me.

[trenchknives]

I dunno, wouldn't be truthful all the time get exhausting?

[justamessenger]

Not if you do it professionally.