audio;

[anunluckypenny]

There's a lot of love going around today and I'm all for that. The thing is? I can't tell you what to do to get someone to love you back. I know I'm always saying that I'm completely happy to help anyone who needs it, but I'm not exactly qualified to help out here. Seriously. I've never, ever been able to keep a boyfriend, and most of my relationships have been pretty disastrous. So if you're planning on swinging by the Welcome Center for help of the romantic variety, you might want to rethink your options.

What I can do is tell you what not to do, okay? Here you go:

First, don't ask Penny for relationship advice.

Second, don't stalk whoever it is you're into. I'm serious about this. Even if you're a really sweet person, whoever you're stalking is gonna think that you're creepy if they catch you.

Third, don't be a total jerk. That should probably go without saying, but I've met a lot of guys who could use the reminder. Don't talk about yourself all the time, listen, and keep the conversation appropriate. So, like... don't talk about your sex life in a super-public place. That's important.

Last, don't act like someone you're not because you think you'll be more impressive that way. If the person you like can't love you for who you are, then you're probably not the best match, right?

That's all I've got. Wait--no... one more thing. Don't throw yourself at some stranger just because he stopped a runaway van from mowing you down or whatever. No one makes good decisions right after a near-death experience. Get to know people a little before deciding that you're in love with them. It'll make life a whole lot easier, I promise.

Comments

Voice;

[mightbeconcussed]

Penny, I will totally be your fake lesbian girlfriend. JSYK

Also, this is a good list.

Voice;

[anunluckypenny]

[skljfs FLATTERED]

That sounds like the kind of relationship I could handle. Thanks, Lucy.

Voice;

[mightbeconcussed]

Me too. It's not half as scary as real relationships.

[She's making progress! She can admit relationships are scary. ]

» audio

[thenormalsquint]

Number two: thank you.

» audio

[anunluckypenny]

Angela, right? I know we've met before.

Stalker problems?

» audio

[thenormalsquint]

[One person Angela doesn't remember this go round, but she just hums confirmation of her name and moves on.]

You know it. He took a picture of me and then offered me diamonds to love him.

Voice

[trenchknives]

Y'know, the fact that anyone actually needs to be told this kinda thing...

[You can practically hear him shake his head.]

I mean, this is the kinda thing even I know.

Voice

[anunluckypenny]

More proof that you're not the horrible person you think you are. I've dated guys who didn't know this stuff.

Re: Voice

[trenchknives]

Shit, then you've dated some real assholes. I'd offer to beat 'em up for you, but I'm gonna guess they ain't here.

voice ][

[affectioning]

He saved you from a runaway van. Captain Hammer?

voice ][

[anunluckypenny]

Yep, that's him. Turns out that almost dying makes it hard to tell that a guy's a jerk.

voice ][

[affectioning]

Did he stalk you?

[missrosetyler]

That's really good advice.

[anunluckypenny]

I hope it helps somebody out. Or at least cuts down on the City's stalker population.

[missrosetyler]

I'm sure it will. It seems like there is too much love going around today.

action;

[indecent_butterfly]

[There's no request for relationship advice (ne has nir own issues with that) but there is a visitor to the Welcome Center with quite a few roses in a rainbow of colors that ne hands over to Penny.]

Perhaps you are looking in the wrong direction.

action;

[anunluckypenny]

[People don't pop in and hand Penny roses every day. She looks from the flowers to Hatter, baffled.]

Huh?

action;

[indecent_butterfly]

[Most are smart enough not to accept them from Hatter so it's all good, except these are actually safe for a change.]

You said you could not keep a boyfriend. Look elsewhere.

[mortemscintilla]

...Have a lot of strangers stopped runaway vans for you, Miss Penny?

[anunluckypenny]

Just the one, actually. He kind of swept me off my feet.

...I mean, he literally just pushed me into some trash, but the effect was basically the same.

[mortemscintilla]

Well... You know what they say about those types. If they sweep you off your feet, they're in a perfect position to dump you on your.

Um.

Y'know.

voice;

[studmuffin]

Nobody can resist the gut-punch instinct of hey you saved my life, let's make out. It's scientific.

voice;

[anunluckypenny]

If you're speaking from experience, I hope you were the hero and not the save-ee.

Video

[fastest_dude_ever]

Aw, jeez! If I had a nickel for every time a girl asked me out after I saved her from a runaway van...I would probably have a quarter. Hm. That's not an awful lot, is it?

Video

[anunluckypenny]

I guess not--not if there're a lot of runaway vans where you're from.