poly_chromatic

There's a lot of love going around today and I'm all for that. The thing is? I can't tell you what to do to get someone to love you back. I know I'm always saying that I'm completely happy to help anyone who needs it, but I'm not exactly qualified to help out here. Seriously. I've never, ever been able to keep a boyfriend, and most of my relationships have been pretty disastrous. So if you're planning on swinging by the Welcome Center for help of the romantic variety, you might want to rethink your options.

What I can do is tell you what not to do, okay? Here you go:

First, don't ask Penny for relationship advice.

Second, don't stalk whoever it is you're into. I'm serious about this. Even if you're a really sweet person, whoever you're stalking is gonna think that you're creepy if they catch you.

Third, don't be a total jerk. That should probably go without saying, but I've met a lot of guys who could use the reminder. Don't talk about yourself all the time, listen, and keep the conversation appropriate. So, like... don't talk about your sex life in a super-public place. That's important.

Last, don't act like someone you're not because you think you'll be more impressive that way. If the person you like can't love you for who you are, then you're probably not the best match, right?

That's all I've got. Wait--no... one more thing. Don't throw yourself at some stranger just because he stopped a runaway van from mowing you down or whatever. No one makes good decisions right after a near-death experience. Get to know people a little before deciding that you're in love with them. It'll make life a whole lot easier, I promise.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Things can always go wrong.

[His tone is more joking than truly cynical, though.]

At the same time, that means nothin' good ever happens with that person.

That's true... and probably why it's so hard to stay quiet forever. It always feels like the next time will be the one that sticks.

'n y'know, sometimes it is the one that sticks. It's possible.

[Penny's usually optimistic, sometimes to a fault. Love--for her, anyway--is the one topic that she can't bring herself to be optimistic about.]

And sometimes, nothing sticks.

Sometimes.

[He's kind of with her on that.]

At least, for some people.

Do you think there's ever a time where people should stop trying?

I don't know. I think it depends on whether it's hurtin' too damn much to keep tryin'. If you still got it in you to persevere, you might as well, but if it's just gonna make you feel worse, it's okay to, y'know, take a break.

[That's good advice.]

Hey, Jimmy? What's your favorite food of all time?

That's a good question. Hell, I dunno. Favorite food of all time...

[He really has to muse on that one.]

Baked potatoes.

Okay. Someday, let me know when you're in the mood for baked potatoes and I'll make dinner for you. It'd beat eating alone.

Yeah? That'd be great. Y'know, whoever ends up with you is gonna be a lucky guy.

Well... let's hope that he thinks so, too.

He will. Or I'll, uh...

[Yeah, he was definitely going to offer to kick some random guy's ass again. Oh well.]

Y'know. The offer stands.

You're a good guy, Jimmy. [Offering to beat people up for her. NO, she's touched!] Thanks. I know I said that before, but whatever. It's still true.

[He laughs.]

Well, I was recently taught how to take a compliment in a polite way, so instead of arguin', I'm just gonna say thank you, Penny. It's appreciated. You take care of yourself, okay?

Then you're welcome, and I will if you will.

[No more incidents with doors!]

Deal.

[He'll try to avoid those doors from here on out. Dangerous things, doors.]

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