poly_chromatic

There's a lot of love going around today and I'm all for that. The thing is? I can't tell you what to do to get someone to love you back. I know I'm always saying that I'm completely happy to help anyone who needs it, but I'm not exactly qualified to help out here. Seriously. I've never, ever been able to keep a boyfriend, and most of my relationships have been pretty disastrous. So if you're planning on swinging by the Welcome Center for help of the romantic variety, you might want to rethink your options.

What I can do is tell you what not to do, okay? Here you go:

First, don't ask Penny for relationship advice.

Second, don't stalk whoever it is you're into. I'm serious about this. Even if you're a really sweet person, whoever you're stalking is gonna think that you're creepy if they catch you.

Third, don't be a total jerk. That should probably go without saying, but I've met a lot of guys who could use the reminder. Don't talk about yourself all the time, listen, and keep the conversation appropriate. So, like... don't talk about your sex life in a super-public place. That's important.

Last, don't act like someone you're not because you think you'll be more impressive that way. If the person you like can't love you for who you are, then you're probably not the best match, right?

That's all I've got. Wait--no... one more thing. Don't throw yourself at some stranger just because he stopped a runaway van from mowing you down or whatever. No one makes good decisions right after a near-death experience. Get to know people a little before deciding that you're in love with them. It'll make life a whole lot easier, I promise.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

That's 'cause you're the best boss ever.

Now, what is Pens talkin' about? She said you'd be able to answer.

I want to fix her up with Jimmy, who happens to be younger than her. She was protesting because of the age difference.

Jeez. Life is too short already, you know? She should go for it.

[Is the smirk noticable in his voice with these next teasing words?]

Before I ask him out.

[ Such a big grin it's probably audible ]

You should ask him out. I mean, I don't know if he's into boys, but you are a totally hot boy and Penny says he's too much like a brother to her.

I have to find someone else to set her up with.

If he's who I think he is, he isn't into guys, so, yeah...

So, who can we set her up with?

I'm not entirely sure, but I'm keeping an eye out.

Any ideas? We need someone hot and sweet and someone who will treat her really well 'cause Penny has sort of gotten some jerks I think.

Nobody comes to me, but I'll keep a look-out.

Do you know anyone who's name might start with Cha?

'Cha'? Why?

Because Penny mentioned him as someone she might be interested in, but she cut his name off and finished with 'a guy'.

'A guy'. Wow. That's helpful...

What is she so worried about?

I don't know. Apparently she likes this guy and she kind of wants to wait around to see if he likes her back. Maybe she's afraid we'll intervene.

Would we? Intervene, I mean?

I don't know. It sort of seems to me like Cha is giving her the run around.

Then he's a dickhead. Maybe we should look for someone else.

This is what I'm thinking.

Got any other candidates?

Right now, no, but I'm going to start looking.

Why is it so difficult to find a decent guy?

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