audio;

[anunluckypenny]

There's a lot of love going around today and I'm all for that. The thing is? I can't tell you what to do to get someone to love you back. I know I'm always saying that I'm completely happy to help anyone who needs it, but I'm not exactly qualified to help out here. Seriously. I've never, ever been able to keep a boyfriend, and most of my relationships have been pretty disastrous. So if you're planning on swinging by the Welcome Center for help of the romantic variety, you might want to rethink your options.

What I can do is tell you what not to do, okay? Here you go:

First, don't ask Penny for relationship advice.

Second, don't stalk whoever it is you're into. I'm serious about this. Even if you're a really sweet person, whoever you're stalking is gonna think that you're creepy if they catch you.

Third, don't be a total jerk. That should probably go without saying, but I've met a lot of guys who could use the reminder. Don't talk about yourself all the time, listen, and keep the conversation appropriate. So, like... don't talk about your sex life in a super-public place. That's important.

Last, don't act like someone you're not because you think you'll be more impressive that way. If the person you like can't love you for who you are, then you're probably not the best match, right?

That's all I've got. Wait--no... one more thing. Don't throw yourself at some stranger just because he stopped a runaway van from mowing you down or whatever. No one makes good decisions right after a near-death experience. Get to know people a little before deciding that you're in love with them. It'll make life a whole lot easier, I promise.

Comments

Voice;

[anunluckypenny]

No one ever told me there was a cougar line. Thirty-one isn't old enough?

Voice;

[mightbeconcussed]

Definitely not. You have to be at least 40.

Voice;

[anunluckypenny]

So what would I be until then? What comes before cougar?

Voice;

[mightbeconcussed]

I don't know? A Cheetah? They're pretty anyway.

Voice;

[anunluckypenny]

I'm all for that.

Voice;

[mightbeconcussed]

Good. You'll let me set up a date then?

Voice;

[anunluckypenny]

Well, I--I really appreciate it, Lucy, and it's sweet of you to offer, but Jimmy's... he's kind of like family, you know? Dating him would be totally weird.

Voice;

[mightbeconcussed]

What if I found someone else?

Voice;

[anunluckypenny]

I don't know. I really don't. There's already someone I'm in to, he just has this thing with someone else.

Voice;

[mightbeconcussed]

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<small.[Lucy considers this a moment. ]</small>

What does he think of you?

Voice;

[anunluckypenny]

Oh, we've--you know, we've been intimate before, and he acts like he likes being around me, so it's safe to say that he doesn't hate me.

Voice;

[mightbeconcussed]

Penny, you deserve someone who wants to be with you.

Voice;

[anunluckypenny]

We'll see how that works out.

Voice;

[mightbeconcussed]

Hey! No negative Nancy.

Voice;

[anunluckypenny]

Sorry! I mean it'll definitely work out eventually.

Voice;

[mightbeconcussed]

So yes or no. Can I set you up with someone?

Voice;

[anunluckypenny]

No, I don't think so. I totally trust your judgment, I just want to see how things pan out with Cha--I mean, with this guy.

Voice;

[mightbeconcussed]

Cha.

Okay. Just...don't wait too long for him to figure out how awesome you are, Penny. 'Kay?

Voice;

[anunluckypenny]

That was so not part of his name.

I won't. I'll try not to.

Voice;

[mightbeconcussed]

Of course it wasn't. You just really want to cha-cha.

You better not.