[ VOICE ]

[signatures]

[ There's a long pause of just incredibly thoughtful breathing before Eames starts up. ]

I'm absolutely not going to tell you lot how to have sex. That's just silly. I think the majority of us are adults, in any case - and even if some of us have absolutely no experience, I'm sure everyone has the same general idea. It's hardly complicated. You'll know what to do when you get to that point.

If you don't, well - I'll spend my time feeling terribly sorry for the other partner.

In any case, just don't get married after. Even if she says she only pulls the special tricks for married men. After the big rock you have to use all of your resources to get her and the honeymoon period, the excitement wears off. She stops shaving her legs during winter. The stilettos get retired. Women are no longer obligated to impress their husbands by the time you two get back from Fiji and then what are you left with? Boredom and petty fighting. Honestly, there are other options out there - most of which involve far less paperwork.

And for God's sake, don't get anyone pregnant. Do you really want to introduce a baby to a City where a unicorn can run you down any moment and there are bars dedicated toward vampirism?

Right.

Carry on, then.

[ Blip! Off goes the feed. ]

Comments

voice;

[duplicities]

[ of course the black widow replies y u p ]

Classy as always, Mr. Eames.

voice;

[signatures]

Your sarcasm is as appreciated as always, Miss Natasha.

[voice]

[designedtoparty]

Pretty sure knocking anyone up's impossible here.

[Reason #284654 to avoid sex with Nathan Young at all costs.]

[voice]

[signatures]

Is it?

[totallyinaband]

You know, some people are a fan of the post-honeymoon period.

[signatures]

It's an induced set of shock from losing one's bachelorhood.

[boutant]

[ Going to take away the important bit here: ]

You were married?

[signatures]

A very long time ago.

[mintjulep]

[ You forgot the 'sometimes she cheats on you' part, Eames. ]

Amen.

[signatures]

[ Oh, sorry. Eames is too charming to have been cheated on, apparently. ]

Someone with some sense, then.

[ voice ]

[likeboudica]

I realise that attitudes have changed, but I did not know they were completely reversed by this time. I should think it imperative to marry after [ a long hesitation ] one has been compromised.

[ voice ]

[signatures]

Compromised?

[bedsidemanners]

You sound experienced.

[signatures]

I'll consider it a success, then.

[shall_yield_us]

Mr. Eames, I had something to ask of you. It brings the shyness to my lips, yet I must, I must, I must indeed.

[signatures]

Most of the things that come out of your mouth or fingers end up as only nonsense, you know.

You must be more persuasive than that.

[ Voice ]

[100yearsgone]

What if it's a girl you're sure is the one? Not that I want to get married anytime soon, but maybe in-- [ He starts counting the years. ] Ten years?

[ He's got nothing for that other stuff. ]

[ Voice ]

[signatures]

[ ten years aw aw ]

You can't really be sure of anything like that until you attempt it, now can you?

I suppose it depends on the girl.

[intheblanks]

Do you shave your legs all year round?

[signatures]

Like a proper gentleman.

[synanthrope]

Why would anyone under the age of fifty retire real heels?

[Leg hair nonwithstanding]

That isn't something you should do for a man.

[signatures]

To spite me, I suspect.

AFTER A WHILE ETC cause w o w. married. okay. B/

[dropkick]

That all from personal experience?

[signatures]

Eh. Some of it's an exaggeration.

[orangetoughguy]

I'm pretty sure the unicorn'll go after you and leave the baby alone.

[signatures]

What if I'm holding the baby?

I don't think they hold up well against concrete.

[deathofdelilah]

Projecting a bit, are we?

[signatures]

Experience and good stories make for sound advice.