[ VOICE ]

[signatures]

[ There's a long pause of just incredibly thoughtful breathing before Eames starts up. ]

I'm absolutely not going to tell you lot how to have sex. That's just silly. I think the majority of us are adults, in any case - and even if some of us have absolutely no experience, I'm sure everyone has the same general idea. It's hardly complicated. You'll know what to do when you get to that point.

If you don't, well - I'll spend my time feeling terribly sorry for the other partner.

In any case, just don't get married after. Even if she says she only pulls the special tricks for married men. After the big rock you have to use all of your resources to get her and the honeymoon period, the excitement wears off. She stops shaving her legs during winter. The stilettos get retired. Women are no longer obligated to impress their husbands by the time you two get back from Fiji and then what are you left with? Boredom and petty fighting. Honestly, there are other options out there - most of which involve far less paperwork.

And for God's sake, don't get anyone pregnant. Do you really want to introduce a baby to a City where a unicorn can run you down any moment and there are bars dedicated toward vampirism?

Right.

Carry on, then.

[ Blip! Off goes the feed. ]

Comments

[orangetoughguy]

I'm pretty sure the unicorn'll go after you and leave the baby alone.

[signatures]

What if I'm holding the baby?

I don't think they hold up well against concrete.

[orangetoughguy]

Dude, it's a fucking unicorn. You don't think they have cloud magic?

[signatures]

No. Since when did they get that?

[orangetoughguy]

Uh, since they were unicorns? You don't think they can blast lightning out their asses either?

[signatures]

What the Hell kind of fairytales were you reading as a kid?

[orangetoughguy]

The cool kind, what do you think? And I played real fantasy games.

[signatures]

Did this particular fantasy game involve dice.

[orangetoughguy]

So what if it did?

[signatures]

Then it doesn't count.

[orangetoughguy]

Asshole, have you ever played?

[signatures]

No, but I know all about it.

[orangetoughguy]

Just cause nobody invited you on their raids doesn't mean it don't count as a legitimate form of childhood fantasy escapism.

[Freddy usan big words there.]

[signatures]

I'm saying it doesn't count as unicorn folklore.

[orangetoughguy]

What suddenly you're like some kind of expert?

[signatures]

Folkore isn't just something you make up on the spot.