5 ♞ text

[sickbeat]

holy shit
here i am waking up from my restful slumber
innocent and unassuming
when all of a sudden its like the entire city decided it was past sharding and released its people diarrhea into the unsuspecting toilet that is the rest of us
looks like this is normal though
why

[ooc | Anything goes! Doubles, AUs, spoilers, whatever.]

Comments

[sickbeat]

[Some brief ptsd flashbacks of Bro with a sword run straight through him. He glances back at Dirk.

Those fucking shades.

That fucking hair.

Mother of fuck.]

Including you?

[synchronous]

No, I managed to evade the stabbing by slicing off my head.

[sickbeat]

[Dave just barely keeps his surprise in check.]

Dude, tag your triggers. Shit is gross as hell.

[synchronous]

Striders don't get triggered.

[sickbeat]

[Omfg he even kind of sounds like Bro motherfuck shit damn ugh.]

Thanks for the refresher, now here's one for you: We're in public, dude.

[synchronous]

Yeah, I noticed. Good thing it's all nice and attached now.

[sickbeat]

[Silent Strider screaming.

He points to a building.]

That place has good tacos.

[synchronous]

You'll have to cover me. I'm flat broke. [ GOING OUT TO EAT WITH HIS BRO?????? ]

[sickbeat]

Dude, chill, I got you covered. Jailbait allowance. [TACOS.

WITH.

HIS.

BRO.]

[synchronous]

Much appreciated.

[ FOOD THAT ISN'T 400 YEAR OLD RATIONS

WITH

HIS

BRO ]

Let's go.

[sickbeat]

[He leads them inside and then towards the back where his favorite booth is. He holds up two fingers to a waitress who knows his order by heart. She nods and rushes toward the kitchen.]

Kay. So.

[synchronous]

So.

[ Dirk slides into the booth across from Dave, only glancing around for a moment to get a feel for the other people in the restaurant and the quickest way to all the exits. ]

How long have you been here?

[sickbeat]

A couple months.

[Dave, on the other hand, is slouching and not paying attention to his surroundings at all. He's just. Really overwhelmed right now.]

Bro gave me his turntables.

[He peers up at Dirk, now, instead of the salt and pepper shakers to the side.]

[synchronous]

[ Dave's bro?

So... universes and "mUtUal progenitoriety" and... ]

Meaning I did.

[sickbeat]

[Man this is awkward.]

Yeah.

[Huff.]

You also royally kicked my ass. Again. Thanks for that, dude, definitely wanted to be reminded of the family hierarchy here. Can't be going off getting too comfy in these goddamn pajamas.

[synchronous]

[ He kicked Dave's ass. Not that it's that surprising if it was an alternate older version who was to Dave as Dave was to him, but it still takes him by surprise initially. ]

No problem, just doing my job as your guardian. [ Pause. ] He do a good job raising you?

[ There's also an unspoken question in there: Did he raise you? ]

[sickbeat]

[There is no question.

Of course Bro was awesome.

A little weird.

But fuck. Coolest dude in the entire world no matter what Egbert said.]

Whoa, pause. Take a step back and re-evaluate that question a little. You are basically asking me to rub your ego and tell you about your icy cool badass alternate self and that is, like, kinda creepy as shit.

[synchronous]

Were you really expecting me not to be curious? [ "Icy cool badass". "Creepy as shit". Aw man, Dave, you're just laying the compliments on. ]

[sickbeat]

I was expecting you to respect my need to not tickle your god damn self-esteem.

[Huff huff. And the waitress comes with two glasses of apple juice and two plates of three greasy tacos each.]

Not my kink, bro.

[synchronous]

[ Dirk raises an eyebrow at the food. Oh god. It's. Food... ]

So he was an icy cool badass of such a high degree that even the slightest elaboration would make me pop the hugest, most narcissistic boner, is what I'm gathering.

[ He sips from his glass, then starts coughing. ]

[sickbeat]

Striders are fucking awesome, what else did you expect.

[...except now, apparently.]

Shit, you okay?

[synchronous]

[ COUGH COUGH. Wheeze. Clutches his throat. ]

--yeah. I'm cool. Just went down the wrong fucking pipe, that's all.

[sickbeat]

[Dave nearly chugs his down in one gulp. YUMMMMM APPLE JUICE.]

If you don't finish your tacos, I'm gonna swipe 'em off for you because I'm a gentleman on top of a knight.

[And he rips into one of the tacos.]

[synchronous]

If you're gonna take that game class stuff that seriously, I order you as your prince to leave my tacos alone.

[ Even with his eyes covered, the WONDERMENT and INCREDULOSITY he feels upon biting into one of them is still plain. Wow these are good. LIKE NOTHING HE'S EVER HAD BEFORE. ]

[sickbeat]

[...Dave is just. Starting to think of his Bro differently. He's not some untouchable ninja, he's-- a person.]

Spoilers, they put crack in their tacos. Now you're hooked for life.