5 ♞ text

[sickbeat]

holy shit
here i am waking up from my restful slumber
innocent and unassuming
when all of a sudden its like the entire city decided it was past sharding and released its people diarrhea into the unsuspecting toilet that is the rest of us
looks like this is normal though
why

[ooc | Anything goes! Doubles, AUs, spoilers, whatever.]

Comments

[synchronous]

[ Once he's done with it, he downs the rest of his apple juice in one long gulp. ]

...were you saying something?

[sickbeat]

Yeah, just rambling about the meaning of life over here. Possibly some secret game mechanics unlocked only by the raddest hackers.

[Chompchompchomp]

[synchronous]

Uh-huh, I believe you.

[ He digs into the second one, more reserved about it this time. ]

[sickbeat]

As you should, I'm a god damn saint. Practically a priest with all this moral gumption I've got packing.

[synchronous]

[ om

nom

nom

nom ]

Pretty sure saints rank above priests in the Christianity hierarchy.

[sickbeat]

[Shrug.]

Crosses and Bibles and shit.

[And he finishes his last taco. YUMMM.]

[synchronous]

[ One last nom. He licks his fingers clean. ]

Never gave a damn about that shit myself.

[sickbeat]

Fucking blasphemy, yo. Get thee behind me, Satan.

[Wow. These are weird mannerisms.]

Uh. You still hungry?

[synchronous]

Nah. [ Yes he is. He's just so used to a lifetime of rationing that he doesn't actually realize it. ] I do have to commend your taste, though. Good recommendation.

[sickbeat]

[Shrug.]

Like there was any doubt, what's better than a plate of heart-cloggin' grease to knock a few years off your life span.

[synchronous]

[ He pushes the plate and glass aside and stands. ] Won't matter once I get a hold of some of those choice knickerbocker PJs.

You've gotta have better stuff to do than hang out with your weird alternate-universe brother/ancestor/descendant, though. I'll find something to entertain myself with until I get sent back.

[sickbeat]

But I-

[He says before he can stop himself. He shakes his head, puts some colorful coins down on the table and stands with his alternate universe bro.]

You've gotta tell me about-- well, me, first. The me in your universe.

[synchronous]

[ He glances over at Dave, arching one eyebrow. ]

So you want me to rub your ego and tell you about how your alternate self is the biggest damn hero mankind ever knew.

[sickbeat]

[He was a hero?

That can't be right.

Though.

Kinda cool.]

Yup. Rub away, bro.

[synchronous]

Your narcissism boner will be pleased to hear that my bro, along with Roxy's mother, spearheaded the campaign against the invasion of the Batterwitch four hundred years ago. They spread propaganda as a warning to the populace, but it wasn't until she actually revealed herself to put her global takeover bid into action that they took a more violent role in the uprising.

[sickbeat]

[!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dave feels badass.

Also- kinda missing Rose, now. It's been a while since he spoke with his ecto-sis.]

Whoa.

Boner sated, dude. That's way cooler than running a puppet porn industry.

[synchronous]

Whoa, I did that? Fucking. Awesome.

[sickbeat]

[DAVE COULD NOT BE ANY LESS SURPRISED IF HE TRIED DEAR GOD.]

Yeah. You made billions off that shit.

[Quietly suffers puppet PTSD.]

[synchronous]

Now I'm jealous of me. I always wanted to do something like that if the state of things were different.

[sickbeat]

[omfg Dirk.]

What, no porn-filming license at your age?

[synchronous]

Bein' one of only two living humans kind of puts a damper on the pornography business. I don't think carapacians are that into it.

[sickbeat]

Oh yeah, Rose mentioned something about that. Sucks, dude.

[synchronous]

A bit. I'm just glad to hear that I would have been successful.

[sickbeat]

Hell if I know why there are that many people willing to watch your weird ass puppet porn.

[synchronous]

The human psyche is a fascinating thing, Bro.