5 ♞ text

[sickbeat]

holy shit
here i am waking up from my restful slumber
innocent and unassuming
when all of a sudden its like the entire city decided it was past sharding and released its people diarrhea into the unsuspecting toilet that is the rest of us
looks like this is normal though
why

[ooc | Anything goes! Doubles, AUs, spoilers, whatever.]

Comments

[synchronous]

Good question. I didn't get so much as a welcome basket. Hells of rude.

[sickbeat]

[Davesprite's color. Huh. Must be a coincidence.]

yeah well according to the helpful citizenry who for some reason cant be assed to include this information in their nigh useless brochures
youre one of the lucky bastards who get to leave as soon as you get here

[synchronous]

[ Hey, there's only 16 million-some colors on the internet. Bound to run into a few coincidences. ]

That's convenient. I've got some important shit going down that I'd rather not miss.

In the meantime, where exactly are we?

[sickbeat]

chill dude the next new episode of desperate housewives is still gonna be there when you get back
time shit
you know
youre in THE city

[synchronous]

But what if I miss it? Don't exactly have Tivo or anyone around to tape that shit.

THE city. Helpful.

[sickbeat]

no youre not listening
time shit is at work here
meaning your shits safe while THE city takes its big rancid dump
take it or leave it youre the one asking me for information never said id give a straight up answer
maybe i just like leaning against brick walls in the rain and being aloof and enigmatic and giving you cryptic shit riddles for answers

[synchronous]

Time shit. So I could just set up camp here as long as I want and it won't matter, or what? Sounds convenient, but I'll need more than just some random dude's word off the internet before I believe it.

Aw, man. I've talked to enough mysteriously cagey strangers for one lifetime.

[sickbeat]

fuck you
you cant just moonwalk your way into this place on a golden fucking brick road and expect to be allowed the right to keep your skeptic asshole stick
ive been here way longer
you dont question the wizened regular who gets the same tall frappe and sits in the same damn cushy armchair near the window every wednesday

[synchronous]

Ok, this is stupid. Is this conversation going anywhere meaningful or are you just going to keep bullshitting me?

[sickbeat]

you tell me young grasshopper
is the dude who lived here for a few months longer than you bullshitting about an interdimensional city island rife with magical misfortune and ruled by a deistic oligarchy

[synchronous]

Maybe.
I mean, I would if it was me.

[sickbeat]

shit i guess you caught me
fine
ill come clean
its a long story though so settle down and tuck yourself into a quilt or something
it all started with brain pods

[synchronous]

No. I refuse to believe that brain pods are or ever could be a thing in any reality.

[roofstrife]

[The first clue that something is up for Dave is probably the smuppet shoved on the back of the toilet. Staring at him. Watching...]

[johnfoolery]

wow, i don't know, dave.
maybe i will just take my diarrhea self back into the butt of the universe if you're going to say i am a gross metaphor.
maybe that is what i'll do!

[sickbeat]

[All Dave wanted was to go to the bathroom and take a piss.

All he wanted was to maybe freshen up a little before he greeted the day.

But no.

He gets a smuppet.

And if he didn't already know what was going on with the City, he would think this was some freaky messed up pedophile curse by the deities.

He knows what to do.

He looks around cautiously and slowly backs away from the bathroom. His heart's all caught up in his throat and it's been years already but man he doesn't want to think about that, doesn't want that guy to see him thinking about it.

It's either somewhere in his apartment or the roof. He intends to check both.]

[sickbeat]

man whos to say you didnt already squeeze yourself back into the sphincter
last i saw you got fuckin owned by a fish alien

[sickbeat]

yeah same
that was me actually and legitimately bullshitting you

[firesneeze]

Maybe the deities feel bad.

[ lololol no. ]

[synchronous]

So, an interdimensional city ruled by a deistic oligarchy. I've heard weirder.

While we're on the subject, what should I call you, mysterious stranger? Kind Benefactor just sounds dumb, and would be inaccurate.

[sickbeat]

the fuck do you mean inaccurate im answering your questions with no strings attached in fact wheres my medal i deserve to be honored for this
im practically a saint
actually yeah theres a name for you
saint strider

[synchronous]

Strider like the royal vagabond douchebag from Lord of the Rings?

[sickbeat]

wow nerd
but as much of a badass as he is and doing the strider name hells of a lot of good
not like it needed more
no

[synchronous]

Can't argue with that. You're as much of a cagey douchebag as a Strider should be. I'm proud.

[sickbeat]

about what
how lonely we all are
spending our day blogging along in our apartments