poly_chromatic | ♦ ♦ 20th Contract - Video/Action For Housemates

[ The feed clicks on to a familiar sight. 'Li' being 'Li' -- placidly preoccupied with cooking. A spread of ingredients -- a slab of dough, grated vegetables, minced beef -- are in bowls on the kitchen counter. But it's apparent that the kitchen isn't his. It's too large, too well-appointed. But Li opens shelves, takes out pots and utensils, as if he's familiar with the setting. Moving to the fridge, he cracks it open to peer inside. ]

[ And scowls. ]

[ Pitching his voice to a yell -- ] You forgot the milk. Again [ -- he reaches inside to withdraw two eggs. ] One simple task. And she can't do that right...

[ Such a sweet-tempered hubby. Whatever dish he's making is surely filled with love. Halfway to the counter, he nearly trips over something lying on the floor. Glowering, he stoops to collect a child's colorful softball. ] ...It's like living in a damn toybox... [ Grumblegrumble. Hopefully he's not this charming all the time. (Spoiler: he is.) ]

[ (Ain't family life grand?) ]

[ OOC: Hit with Family Day! Mad Hatter, July, Yin and Hei are a merry (dysfunctional :|) fambly bunch. Threadjacking is mightily encouraged! Go forth and spread chaos! ^^ ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[And out of respect for their "guests" and because ne knows it annoys him, ne enters the kitchen before answering. A quick walk behind him, an even quicker pat to his ass...]

Darling, if you had remembered to put it on the list, the delivery boy would have brought it along with everything else.

[ So blissful is their state of wedlock that everything she does annoys him. Especially that pat on the ass. He shoots her a frigid look in passing -- Don't do that. But he doesn't say anything because. Oh, right. Kids are around. (How can they be their kids? She must've acquired them somewhow.) ]

If you'd handle the list yourself instead of putting everything on me, we wouldn't keep having this problem.

[ Yep. Someone has binged on bitchflakes this morning. ]

[What did he expect? He has the libido of a mud puddle and ne's in the prime of nir life. If anyone has a right to be bitchy it would be nem. Ne had to get some form of affection even if it was like this.]

Well, you know how hopeless in the kitchen I am.

[ Prime of her life, his ass. What is she, like a hundred thousand years old? (Part of him still can't fathom the logic of this union. There is none. Which is precisely why it makes no sense. Was he drugged, or is this an assignment gone haywire?) ]

[ At her words, he quirks a humorless brow, ]

I'm well aware of your hopelessness. [ In this, as in all things. ]

[Does he have any idea how long devils live? Ne's nowhere near the end.

Amusing isn't it though how all of this seems just perfectly normal in nir mind? Even his lack of love and affection. All is right in the world, or would be if ne knew where the kids came from.]

There was no hiding that before we were wed and yet you had no complaints on some things.

[ Where did the kids come from? He can't escape the sense that he's lost a chunk of time in his memory. Like he -- everyone -- has suffered a stroke. (Curse. It's all a curse. His subconscious keeps trilling that, but he ignores it. The entire scenario seems much too normal for such an unnatural possibility.) ]

Or maybe I just kept the complaints to myself. [ If he sounds disinterested, it's because he is. She was a mark. Part of an assignment. That's the only reason he'd ever put himself near the entanglements of legal contracts and wedding rings. ]

[ (He's never been interested in marriage. He still isn't.) ]

[As if ne was? Well, ne was but ne isn't good enough to marry him. Must be how ne ended up stuck with Li.]

As much as you voice them now? Doubtful.

[ Everyone is someone else's leftovers. That, not love, is the real definition of marriage. And pooling resources. ]

Think what you like. [ He doesn't care, one way or the other. ]

[Tug, tug. Someone is pulling on your shirt, daddy.]

[ He glances down at the little fingers tugging his shirt. Oh, perfect. At least he has the grace to look embarrassed. No matter how aggravating Hatter can be, it's amazing how he always comes off the Ogre here. ] Daddy and Mommy are [ bitching and sniping ] having a discussion right now, July. [ Go on. Shoo. Give the dysfunctional adults some privacy. ]

[He nods then...]

Be nice to Mommy. [He looks up at him then just...walks away.]

[Awww Mommy's precious little man.]

[ He's trying. ]

[ Operative word: Trying. ]

♦ ♦ 20th Contract - Video/Action For Housemates

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