029: VIDEO

[intheblanks]

[Good (very late) evening to you, City. This transmission appears to be coming from inside a stall in the men's room at one of the City's bars (the Blue Light, if you're familiar with it).

Chase is (fully clothed and) sitting with a large green parrot sidling back and forth across his shoulder. The parrot appears to have something to say, and Chase has one arm out, network device in hand, videoing it.

Yes, this is essentially a selfie.

But over to the parrot, which is repeating, in Chase's voice:]

Um, I need you to relax your anus.

Um, I need you to relax your anus.

Um, I need you to relax your anus.

Um—

[And Chase is... giggling? Yes, giggling. He has to draw a deep breath and try to settle his shoulders to manage to speak at all.]

So, what's the likelihood I'm getting slapped on the way home?

[And then, the familiar squeal of the men's room door opening, and the sudden wide eyed look of a man in a bathroom stall making that request. Chase drops the network device as he tries to grab the parrot's beak.]

Comments

video;

[theassassin]

[....

Hang on. She thought she was ready to respond.

Nope.

Okay. Okay. ]

Hahahahaa...

video;

[intheblanks]

[Chase is now conversing with the network device from a position on his knees.]

Shh, he'll hear you.

[And not making himself look any better.]

[worldofourown]

I'd applaud, not slap.

[ At least someone is handling the curse creatively. ]

[intheblanks]

[He is too tipsy to frown at you right now, Karl.]

Is that the instruction you've been waiting for?

video:

[pigtailsbutterflyknives]

[There's a purplish colored bird sitting on Mindy's shoulder. It also has things to say and Mindy looks...amused.]

You just contact the mayor's office. He has a special signal he shines in the sky; it's in the shape of a giant cock.

[That's all. Thank you for your time, Chase.]

video:

[intheblanks]

You have a terrible mouth for a little girl.

[It doesn't actually sound like a criticism.]

[justamessenger]

[Dulcie's just going to be over here losing it, well done City.]

[intheblanks]

[When Chase makes it back he has parrot feathers in his hair and is trying to look scandalised.]

Were you listening to me in the bathroom?

[as_damaged]

Who knows? You might make new friends.

[intheblanks]

[Cameron, he has to think very hard now about whether that's some strange kind of offer.

It's probably not an offer.]

Or get to know old ones better.

[But you know, just in case.]

voice;

[dr_conscience]

[He's trying to stay composed, but there are still a few stray snickers.]

Well, it's... unusual, as far as pickup lines go. I think the best strategy is to move fast, get out of slapping range before they get past confusion.

[Yeah. Still a few.]

voice;

[intheblanks]

[It's okay Wilson, Chase is still snorting every time. And so far no one has asked for an invite into the stall.]

Glad it didn't catch up with me at work. I'd have had to get someone following me through geriatrics with a mop.

[eiremagic]

Are you drunk?

[intheblanks]

No.

[Yes.

But he pinches his lips together and tries to look innocent.

By now he's on the floor of the bathroom stall with a parrot on his head. But he tries.]

Give him a second

[harrydresden]

...


...

I'm not precisely afraid to ask. But I have a feeling I'll regret it.

[intheblanks]

It's a parrot.

[There, Harry, the earnest drunk man has answered all your questions.]

[asofwar]

[Guess what, Chase. Drinking with the gods entitles you to being picked on by them as if this is a recast of Mean Girls. The Asgard version.]

Surely not the strangest thing a healer has said.

[intheblanks]

[Worth it.]

I'm glad you realise that it was... for healing.

[Marvin Gaye get out of his head right now.]

video;

[brobeforehos]

[Bahaahhfhdjdshks]

Well.

video;

[intheblanks]

It was for work. [Hello, Mae. Chase is on the bathroom floor right now but he's completely in control of his faculties, okay?] Anal. Anus. Work. Arse.

[Which wasn't precisely how he meant to put it but.

After a minute.

He's giggling again.]

video; MUCH LATER THAN THEIR ORIGINAL THREAD IDC I HAVE TO

[studmuffin]

You know - you didn't have to get drunk. I'm pretty sure you have a nice ass too?

Video: haahahaha

[intheblanks]

Depends whether you like the scars.

[You get TMI when you catch a drunk man unprepared. But wait while he actually processes that comment. Meanwhile the parrot is now on Chase's head and peering down into the camera.]

I neeeeed you to relaaaaaax

[Wait he's got it.]

I'm not drowning my sorrows Stiles.

video;

[hexuality]

I hope you aren't trying to chat up girls with that parrot.

video;

[intheblanks]

Would it work on you?

[The parrot helpfully pecks at the camera and says,]

Relax your anus.

[vicodincrutch]

You know, I still did wonder about you.

[intheblanks]

Now you know. And just in time for your birthday.

video;

[majorcrotchgrab]

A pity the parrot is saying it and not you.

video;

[intheblanks]

I said it first.

[An honest if not entirely advisable response.]

[ Video ]

[bettercallit]

Would've preferred dinner and movie first, but, hey, whatever you want.

[ Video ]

[intheblanks]

Dinner probably wouldn't have been the smart choice.