029: VIDEO

[intheblanks]

[Good (very late) evening to you, City. This transmission appears to be coming from inside a stall in the men's room at one of the City's bars (the Blue Light, if you're familiar with it).

Chase is (fully clothed and) sitting with a large green parrot sidling back and forth across his shoulder. The parrot appears to have something to say, and Chase has one arm out, network device in hand, videoing it.

Yes, this is essentially a selfie.

But over to the parrot, which is repeating, in Chase's voice:]

Um, I need you to relax your anus.

Um, I need you to relax your anus.

Um, I need you to relax your anus.

Um—

[And Chase is... giggling? Yes, giggling. He has to draw a deep breath and try to settle his shoulders to manage to speak at all.]

So, what's the likelihood I'm getting slapped on the way home?

[And then, the familiar squeal of the men's room door opening, and the sudden wide eyed look of a man in a bathroom stall making that request. Chase drops the network device as he tries to grab the parrot's beak.]

Comments

[intheblanks]

It's a parrot.

[There, Harry, the earnest drunk man has answered all your questions.]

[harrydresden]

Yes, so it is.

[Talk slowly to the drunk man]

And it is saying very interesting things.

[intheblanks]

I know. In my voice!

[Really, Chase is just glad to have found a friend who finds this as cool as he does.

Meanwhile to parrot moves to side-eye the camera, clicking its beak.]

I neeeed you to relaaaax your anus.

[harrydresden]

And that's not creepy or anything!

... your bird is propositioning me.

[intheblanks]

She's only propositioning you for a colonoscopy. I don't want to tell her, but honestly I think she'd have difficulty manipulating the endoscope.

[harrydresden]

Well, that explains a lot.

Heh, yeah well how much is it going to disappoint her when I decline the invitation?

[intheblanks]

Have you heard the term 'birdstrike'?

[harrydresden]

Uh... is that like Birdageddon or something?