029: VIDEO

[intheblanks]

[Good (very late) evening to you, City. This transmission appears to be coming from inside a stall in the men's room at one of the City's bars (the Blue Light, if you're familiar with it).

Chase is (fully clothed and) sitting with a large green parrot sidling back and forth across his shoulder. The parrot appears to have something to say, and Chase has one arm out, network device in hand, videoing it.

Yes, this is essentially a selfie.

But over to the parrot, which is repeating, in Chase's voice:]

Um, I need you to relax your anus.

Um, I need you to relax your anus.

Um, I need you to relax your anus.

Um—

[And Chase is... giggling? Yes, giggling. He has to draw a deep breath and try to settle his shoulders to manage to speak at all.]

So, what's the likelihood I'm getting slapped on the way home?

[And then, the familiar squeal of the men's room door opening, and the sudden wide eyed look of a man in a bathroom stall making that request. Chase drops the network device as he tries to grab the parrot's beak.]

Comments

video;

[hexuality]

[She heaves a dramatic sigh.]

Yes, I'll be single forever as long as he's breathing down my neck.

video;

[intheblanks]

I'm sure I've offered.

video;

[hexuality]

I'm sure I never said no. Didn't we go bowling?

video;

[intheblanks]

Yes. It was very friendly.

video;

[hexuality]

Oh, come off it, Chase. I can't help that I've known you for ages.

video;

[intheblanks]

That's not a reason not to date me.

[He drapes an arm over the lid of the toilet holding himself up.]

Being smart's a reason not to date me. So you pass.

video;

[hexuality]

[She raises an eyebrow at him, smile a little fond and exasperated.]

What's that supposed to mean?

Re: video;

[intheblanks]

Lots of relationships started out with knowing each other for years.

[yes, even drunk he knows that wasn't the query.]

video;

[hexuality]

Yeah, I know just how true that is from experience—but what's that got to do with being clever?

video;

[intheblanks]

I don't know. Not much?

video;

[hexuality]

[She props her chin in hand and tips her head, surveying the video. Then - ]

I don't think it's a stupid idea to date you if that's what you were getting at.

video;

[intheblanks]

Relax your anuuuus.

You probably should.

video;

[hexuality]

[She laughs, grin broad and warm.]

I should think it's a stupid idea, I should date you, or I should relax my anus?

video;

[intheblanks]

[Don't ask a drunk guy such complicated questions. He just smiles, helplessly.]

D, all the above?

video;

[hexuality]

[Well, it's okay, she's still laughing. Her best friend dated him, for Merlin's sake, and Claire was far from stupid. But that's not what this conversation is about.]

Just as long as you don't use that answer when I ask you what you want for Christmas.

video;

[intheblanks]

[He sucks a disapproving breath between his teeth.]

Don't be a grinch.

video;

[hexuality]

A what? No, I just don't want to get you the wrong thing.