145 DIAGNOSIS

[vicodincrutch]

After the most recent curse you may have:

• Gradual but apparent fatigue
• Loss of appetite
• Sore throat
• Swollen lymph nodes
• Rash
• Swollen liver 

Do any of these ring a bell? Yes? Congratulations, you have mono. Now you can bother a doctor. Why? Because Mono can have complications. Complications are interesting. I want them. You can come along too if you absolutely have to.

If you have:

• Dry lips
• Anxiousness
• Remorse
• Bad taste in your mouth
• Over salivation
• Bruises

Then you're a lousy kisser and should feel bad for yourself.

Comments

[worldofourown]

It's like the Deities did this on purpose.

Just so you could entertain yourself with said 'complications'.

[vicodincrutch]

Deities? Mono isn't their invention.

[worldofourown]

But the curse to spread it around was.

[vicodincrutch]

I haven't had a confirmed case of mono stemming from the curse. I'm just being helpful.

[worldofourown]

Tsk.

Now you've just broken my heart.

Text

[harrydresden]

Are you the bad news fairy? Or just the crushing egos fairy?

[vicodincrutch]

What makes you say that? Is my wrist limp?

[harrydresden]

Not the right kind of fairy. I'm looking for wings. And maybe a little baggie of crushed souls.

harry wryyyyy don't encourage

[vicodincrutch]

If you're looking for wings drink a Red Bull.

...what do you know about my collection of crushed souls?

They do have a similiar sense of humor, don't they?

[harrydresden]

Ugh I tried one of those once. It doesn't give you wings, it gives you cavities.

[Aaaand now he's trying to figure out if that was serious. Because let's face it, he knows people who might actually collect that kind of thing. Finally he decides that anyone who recommends Red Bull can't possibly collect souls, the text comes again.]

Wouldn't you like to know?

[itsjustafruit]

I'm quite certain I have a swollen liver. [Possibly not his.]

[vicodincrutch]

Anything else or just swollen liver?

[why you get his hopes up gdi]

[itsjustafruit]

[Everyone needs a hobby]

I feel as though I could sleep for a hundred years. [Canon! Heh]

[vicodincrutch]

[No. Wait. Sto-- too late he's getting out a white board. Dammit.]

Swollen liver. Extreme fatigue.

Video

[itsjustafruit]

[Oh dear, the video feed pops on and Crowley is rolling up his sleeve.]

I seem to have a bit of a skin condition too....

[rianofski]

At the risk of receiving an answer I don't want, what sort of complications are likely to arise?

[vicodincrutch]

It's a grocery list from annoying to lethal. Very rare cases of hepatitis, meningitis, autoimmune hemolytic anemia... There's Guillain–Barré syndrome with cranial nerve damage with a range from rubber legs to a convincing vegetative state impression.

Fun stuff like that.

[rianofski]

This only further cements my belief that random kissing is, at best, extremely awkward, and, at worst, potentially deadly.

Delightful.

[vicodincrutch]

Especially awkward when that's all the action you'll get.

[rianofski]

Is that a common problem for the denizens of this City? How unfortunate.

video;

[forhishonor]

What the hell is mono?

[ sorryyyyyy they had a different name for it back in ye olden days... ]

video;

[vicodincrutch]

Mononucleosis.

It's a viral infection that is spread from physical contact. Also called the kissing disease.

video;

[forhishonor]

[ ew ]

If people are going to get sick from kissing, then why do they still do it?

video;

[vicodincrutch]

Because for all the other times you don't get mono it's pleasant. Please. Give me a break. You can get an infectious disease from doing almost anything.

video;

[forhishonor]

I don't get sick that often.