145 DIAGNOSIS

[vicodincrutch]

After the most recent curse you may have:

• Gradual but apparent fatigue
• Loss of appetite
• Sore throat
• Swollen lymph nodes
• Rash
• Swollen liver 

Do any of these ring a bell? Yes? Congratulations, you have mono. Now you can bother a doctor. Why? Because Mono can have complications. Complications are interesting. I want them. You can come along too if you absolutely have to.

If you have:

• Dry lips
• Anxiousness
• Remorse
• Bad taste in your mouth
• Over salivation
• Bruises

Then you're a lousy kisser and should feel bad for yourself.

Comments

[worldofourown]

It's like the Deities did this on purpose.

Just so you could entertain yourself with said 'complications'.

Text

[harrydresden]

Are you the bad news fairy? Or just the crushing egos fairy?

[vicodincrutch]

Deities? Mono isn't their invention.

[vicodincrutch]

What makes you say that? Is my wrist limp?

[itsjustafruit]

I'm quite certain I have a swollen liver. [Possibly not his.]

[harrydresden]

Not the right kind of fairy. I'm looking for wings. And maybe a little baggie of crushed souls.

[worldofourown]

But the curse to spread it around was.

[rianofski]

At the risk of receiving an answer I don't want, what sort of complications are likely to arise?

[vicodincrutch]

I haven't had a confirmed case of mono stemming from the curse. I'm just being helpful.

harry wryyyyy don't encourage

[vicodincrutch]

If you're looking for wings drink a Red Bull.

...what do you know about my collection of crushed souls?

[vicodincrutch]

Anything else or just swollen liver?

[why you get his hopes up gdi]

[itsjustafruit]

[Everyone needs a hobby]

I feel as though I could sleep for a hundred years. [Canon! Heh]

[vicodincrutch]

It's a grocery list from annoying to lethal. Very rare cases of hepatitis, meningitis, autoimmune hemolytic anemia... There's Guillain–Barré syndrome with cranial nerve damage with a range from rubber legs to a convincing vegetative state impression.

Fun stuff like that.

[vicodincrutch]

[No. Wait. Sto-- too late he's getting out a white board. Dammit.]

Swollen liver. Extreme fatigue.

Video

[itsjustafruit]

[Oh dear, the video feed pops on and Crowley is rolling up his sleeve.]

I seem to have a bit of a skin condition too....

Video

[vicodincrutch]

[Well then, hello video chat. He squints thoughtfully. His zest for a puzzle is winning out on the common knowledge that Crowley is an asshole. A special magic asshole? Nothing he knows of. Yet.]

What about it?

[Dry erase hasn't put down a third.]

Skin conditions are an umbrella term. You need to be more specific unless you want to play Operation and hope that your nose lights up if I'm wrong.

[rianofski]

This only further cements my belief that random kissing is, at best, extremely awkward, and, at worst, potentially deadly.

Delightful.

[vicodincrutch]

Especially awkward when that's all the action you'll get.

They do have a similiar sense of humor, don't they?

[harrydresden]

Ugh I tried one of those once. It doesn't give you wings, it gives you cavities.

[Aaaand now he's trying to figure out if that was serious. Because let's face it, he knows people who might actually collect that kind of thing. Finally he decides that anyone who recommends Red Bull can't possibly collect souls, the text comes again.]

Wouldn't you like to know?

[rianofski]

Is that a common problem for the denizens of this City? How unfortunate.

Video

[itsjustafruit]

It's scaly, but not itchy.

[It's hard to tell, but there does look like... scales? around his upper arm near his elbow.]

[worldofourown]

Tsk.

Now you've just broken my heart.

video;

[forhishonor]

What the hell is mono?

[ sorryyyyyy they had a different name for it back in ye olden days... ]

[vicodincrutch]

Life is full of disappointments.

[vicodincrutch]

So says you. It gets the job done.

They were all lawfully obtained.