poly_chromatic | the camera

Entry tags:

community - abed nadir

the camera

[text]
This network device is interesting. It's like Facebook, except less confusing and with more respect for privacy.

Does anyone know where I can get my hands on a camera? I tried using the computer's video record function, but it didn't really work.

[embedded video]
[Have footage of Abed walking around the City streets, now dressed perfectly normally except for the open network device tied to his head. (How did he get footage of himself? Who knows.)

Something knocks him over and he falls, breaking the network device.]

[A second embedded video shows the computer's perspective, which is incredibly shaky and might make you queasy. Quality filmmaking it is not. The screen goes black (at last!) when the device breaks.]

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This is kind of like Cloverfield. [ He's smiling though, a little bit in greeting, a little in amusement. ] Are you okay?

[It takes him a little bit to respond because OMG GEEKING OUT. But by the time he replies, his manner is perfectly calm.]

I'm fine.

[the next bit he blurts out a little loudly because OMG GEEKING OUT.]

MY NAME'S ABED.

Hi Abed. [ It's okay, geekly shouting is what he's used to. ] I'm Teddy.

I know.

[He's almost trembling from the effort of holding back all his questions. He and Troy had written up an entire manual on what to do if they suddenly found themselves interacting with real superheroes - not the Christian Bale Batman, but the actual, honest-to-Gotham REAL Batman, and so on. They'd agreed that it was important not to get too meta. Irritating Jeff was an entertaining pasttime; irritating the Hulk was a death sentence.

Unfortunately, he can't quite think of anything else to say.]

This is really cool.

[ Nobody ever seems excited to meet Teddy, so forgive him if he's a little bit confused about it. ] You're new, right? Me too, I've only been here for a few days and it's weird.

Yeah. I like it though. I thought Canada had pretty money, but this is like paying for things in Skittles.

It's taking a while to get used to, but I mastered the Harry Potter currency on the internet, I can do this too.

Did you have a goblin for an accountant?

No, they didn't have the greatest graphics so I think they left that bit out.

[He shakes his head.]

That's the problem these days. Nobody cares about the details.

No. They just want to package something totally lame to give to the masses.

Word.

[Abed starts to go his traditional hand gesture, but Teddy isn't Troy. Also, it's kind of hard to do over the video screen.

He almost looks sad.]

[ Pretty perplexed, but okay. ]

At least someone agrees with me.

I really hope that camera work wasn't the start of the Blair Witch project.

[Have a smile]

I'm Billy, are you okay?

Please. The Blair Witch Project only worked because it had never been done before. It's like The Sixth Sense -- now everybody sees dead people.

I'm fine. Documentary filmmaking is not for the faint of heart or the thin of skin. Literally and metaphorically.

I love the Sixth Sense, I've watched to so many times! I do the best impressions from it.

Do you make films?

Wanna play a game? It's a mind-reading game. Here's how it works. I read your mind. If what I say is right, you take one step towards the chair. If what I say is wrong, you take one step back... towards the doorway. If you reach the chair, you sit down. If you reach the door, you can go. Wanna play?

[Sorry, at the mention of impressions, Abed got derailed with the urge to re-enact.]

If this is anything like Earth, you're going to probably want to hit up an electronic department somewhere.

Is it anything like Earth, though? You could argue that the urban environment, the technology, and the presence of humanoids makes it like Earth. But other planets could also have those things. Like Kapteyn 9. So you could also say that this place is like Kapteyn 9, in which case I highly doubt they have cameras.

Have you tried finding an electronics store, though?

I got lost at the zoo.

Reptile section or insects?

Unicorns. I was trying to impersonate Neil Patrick Harris, but I guess I'm not white enough. Or gay enough. Possibly both.

You're kidding me. A unicorn sections?

Yep. It's pretty awesome. I always thought unicorns were for little girls, Neil Patrick Harris, and Stephen Colbert, but they're actually really badass if they don't like you.

You called one cute, didn't you? Or tried to pet the horn.

Didn't get a chance. It took one look at me and charged like a goose.

In a zoo?

You sure it wasn't a petting area?

Petting areas don't make you to climb over fences.

Why did you -- did you seriously go into the in enclosure and expect not to get attacked?

...they're unicorns.

With horns.

Are you... just trying to make everyone throw up?

No, that's just what happens when you have a camera on your head instead of a Steadicam.

...steadicam?

It's a mount that isolates a camera from the cinematographer to ensure steady video during a tracking shot or over rough terrain.

Are you a film maker?

It depends on how you define "filmmaker." If you're talking about someone who is paid to make movies, no. But if you're talking about someone who has a YouTube account with more than 10 hits, yes, I'm a filmmaker.

I think I was probably talking about the first one.

But congrats on the at least eleven hits?

Fifteen.

[He has to be very careful about the fourth wall. Who knows what chaos would result from him breaking it? Like the crevice that showed up in Alice Puddle's sitting room and almost erased everything from existence.

As tempting as it was, he couldn't ask her about Batman. That made conversation difficult.]

What about you?

Fifteen.

[Man, she's magic. She already knows she's fictional in some worlds. And in others, has bad hair. Or blonde hair. Or is a hot dude.

And that's offensive, bro. She's pretty fascinating. :|]

...am I filmmaker?

[Fascinating? Hell yes. Vengeance and/or the night? Not so much.]

Are you a magician?

[This conversation is stupid and boring. Small talk. He could be asking so many more awesome things, like how does she design her costumes and what does she think of the new 52. Resist, Abed, resist!]

[Ugh, nerds.]

I might be. Depends on who is asking. [And if you're accusing her of being something else that dresses sort of similarly, sometimes.]

Why?

If you don't know now, I don't need to tell you.

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the camera

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