poly_chromatic

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original character - lucy locke

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[ Lucy's flat seems to have exploded. Things are stacked and piled seemingly at random. She's wearing a baseball cap backwards and she's got an old tee shirt on and cut off jeans. Her hair is in pigtails and there's a variety of cleaning products scattered about. She's right in the middle of a top to bottom cleaning and organization spree of her flat. She's sitting on the floor amongst a riot of books and knickknacks with a glass of something iced at hand. ]

Hi. So...this seems like an appropriate time to ask. I need opinions and sounding boards for likely highly illogical ramblings of the relationship kind.

Any and all applicants will be considered?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Can't really go wrong with jeans and a t-shirt with I FAILED THE TURING TEST printed on it.]

Thank you. [There's a prolonged pause while he tries to figure out what to do with his hands. Usually when he's around Lucy, there's plenty of casual touching--squeezing hands, brushing shoulders; that isn't something they can do now. He shoves his hands into his pockets.] Should we go in?

[ It's a good t-shirt even if Lucy doesn't know what a turing test is.

She is equally as awkward as he is. At some point it's bound to get better. Right? ]

What's a Turing Test?

[ Since it's something they can talk about that might not be awkward. ]

An old idea that came about in the very early days of artificial intelligence. The test--it is a hypothetical test, not a real one--is meant to determine whether or not the subject taking it is thinking. Theoretically, any machine that cannot pass isn't sentient. It's applicable still in my time; there is debate as to whether or not to grant sophisticated androids the rights that would be extended to any conscious, intelligent being. Philosophical debate, mostly, but...

[He shrugs and trails off. For a want of anything better to do with himself, Chekov goes to open the cafe's door for Lucy.]

So this is a joke, although I think that it loses its humor when it's explained.

[ It's obvious once Lucy gets the joke because she smiles broadly, almost laughing silently. ]

Only if someone's heard of the Turing Test. It's totally funnier to me now. Also, I'm pretty sure you could pass it sleeping and hung over.

Thank you for not doubting my sentience.

[He lets one of his hands brush Lucy's.]

[ Lucy wrinkles her nose a little.]

I guess that was pretty dumb to say, huh?

[ Her breath catches a little at Chekov's hand brushing hers and she turns her hand out a bit so that it brushes up against his again. ]

Is this table okay? [ She nods toward one a few feet away from them that's a little off to the side. ]

No, I don't think so.

[It's tempting to just grab her hand and say something about why they're in this situation--something to get them out of it--but he just nods and pulls a chair out for Lucy. Talking is frightening.]

Did something prompt your house cleaning?

[ Part of her wishes that he'd do just that, but then she's not sure she'd be strong enough to actually finish a conversation. Lucy had a way of ignoring things until they blew up. If Chekov grabbed her hand and said anything, she was likely to just grab him and insist they go back to her place and they'd never talk about this. It would crop up later if that happened. ]

My life is in a mess. My house shouldn't be too.

Can I help you make your life less messy?

[As if he isn't part of the problem! But it's simpler to say that than to voice the fact that he wants this relationship even if he isn't sure that they're after the same thing.]

[ Lucy hesitates, eyes cast down. She takes a deep breath then releases it slowly. She bites her bottom lip, finally looking up at him. She nods slowly. ]

I think so. If I could get everything in my brain to get out of the way.

[He nods and sits, folding his hands on the table in front of him the same way the psychological evaluators at Starfleet do. Very seriously:]

Maybe you could tell me what in your brain is in the way?

[ In contrast, Lucy twists the white table cloth on the table in her fingers. ]

Okay. [ She takes a deep breath. ] The City has this way of pulling happy people apart. I mean, sure you get happy for a little while, but then BOOM apart. And I know I left first and I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to and I don't even want to be home because Momma is losing it and she's sad about Daddy all the time and I'd rather be here even with all the crazy. Anyway, I can be passive and let things happen to me or I can be active and control the choices in my life. The problem is that whether I choose to not be with you or whether the City chooses it, we both end up hurt and I don't know which one is better. It all hurts in the end.

[Pavel listens closely, trying to gauge Lucy's feelings. If she honestly thinks that being apart would be less painful for her in the long run, he won't argue. As it is, she seems undecided.]

When hurting is inevitable, I think that it's best to do what will make you happy now. Choosing to do what makes you unhappy is a strange way to use what control you have over your life.

[ All she knows is that there's going to be some pain. She'd rather there be no pain at all. ]

That's sort of what I've been thinking about. Everybody has been talking to me about it and...you are...sweet and kind and trustworthy. Totally hot in a really sexy nerdy sort of way, brilliant, which is also totally hot, funny and patient. You make me happy and I think you like me too. Basically, I'd be really, really stupid to let you go.

[ She takes a deep breath. ]

I'm scared, Pavel. I'm scared of making you my whole world and then losing you, but I'm also scared of how lonely my life will be without you. I mean, we've been broken up for a couple of weeks and...I bought another dog and a fall wardrobe and more boots and none of it makes me as happy as it does with you.

[ She bites her bottom lip, focusing on the table top ] And that terrifies me. I'm a giant coward when it comes to relationships. I don't know how to fix that.

[As flattering as this is, Pavel's alarmed by the degree to which Lucy is attached to him. He adores her--he would be crazy not to--but the idea of making one person so central to one's life scares him. Pavel has become accustomed to leaving people and places behind; as much as he might love someone, he knows better than to wrap his whole world up inside them.

Shortly after Captain Kirk's arrival in the City, he advised Chekov against getting too attached to this existence. Attachment will make it difficult to leave the City if the opportunity presents itself, and everything in the City is transitory. No matter how long they're here, they can't allow themselves to become too comfortable.

Maybe it would be kinder to Lucy to have this end. Or is the damage already done?]

Lucy... [He'd like to grab her hands. That doesn't seem appropriate right now, so he settles for nudging one of her feet with his under the table.] ...Please don't make me--or anyone--that important to you? You are the only person you will have for your entire life, and you need to be the most important to yourself. I think that is the only way to be less afraid. Does that make sense?

[ While Lucy has had it happen to her, she hasn't gotten used to losing the people she cares about. She looks up at him, nibbling on the corner of her bottom lip as she watches him. ]

You sound like my Mom. In a good way. I mean...it's something that she would say. 'Learn to love yourself, Lucy'.

[ She shrugs a little. ]

That's fine and that's good and I think I'm okay. I mean...if that's an issue.

Your mother must be wise.

[He'd like to make a joke about how unfortunate it is that he reminds her of her mother and how odd that would make sex. This isn't the time at all. This is serious.]

It's only an issue if you want to make me your entire world. I am not prepared for that responsibility.

Yeah. [ Lucy nods, smiling slightly. ] She is.

[ Her brow furrows and she looks up at Chekov. ]

What do you want, Pavel?

[ Because maybe he's looking at this more casually than she thought and if that's the case, then maybe she can still pull away from him and it won't be a big deal. ]

I want to be with you.

[That question was simple enough. Too simple. Maybe she means something else.]

In what capacity, I don't know.

[ Well, yes and no. It's good to know that he still wants to be with her.]

That's a start.

[ She presses her lips together.]

Do you want to be with just me, or more of a undefined, loose, uncommitted kind of thing?

Just you.

[The answer's instantaneous, but he stops to consider the rest of her question.]

But what do you mean, uncommitted?

[ Lucy considers that a moment. ]

I...don't know exactly. I guess...totally uncommitted would be...you know, just we date who ever we want. We just also happen to date each other sometimes.

Committed sort of implies just you and me, I think. There's lots of versions of committed past that.

I only want to date you.

[Cautiously, because talking about degrees of commitment might frighten Lucy off and this was going so well:]

What do you want?

[ It does scare her, but she's also psyched herself up for this. She knows that this is a discussion that has to happen if they're going to get back together. It's a use it or lose it sort of situation and the last few weeks have proven to Lucy that she doesn't want to lose Chekov. She takes a deep breath, twisting the table cloth in her fingers again. ]

I want things to go back to the way they were before either of us left. I just don't know if they can.

[She's willing to talk about this. That's something.

Pavel reaches across the table to put a hand on hers.]

Why would we not be able to go back to that?

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