First Prank: Grand Entrance

[doeswhathewants]

[A charming smile with wide and innocuous green eyes, though the glitter in them is something less than harmless and innocent. When he speaks, his voice is light and engaging. Ignore the fact that he’s soaking wet.]

Hello out there!

[The volume is a bit loud and he winces before catching it and allowing his features to adjust back into that beguiling smile. He fixes the volume, teeth catching his lower lip in an expression that really is innocent. His charm does not fade as he speaks again]

Let's try this again? Ah. Better. Now. It seems there has been a terrible mistake, a grave error, I am entirely unsure of where I am, only that I woke up here- yes! woke up!- after being dumped in a fountain and er- found this Stark phone on my person. .

Obviously, whoever has done this has the wrong person entirely. I am no one at all of consequence, a Parisian orphan.

[He frowns and the expression is solemn, pious]

Now, if you please, could someone tell me how far back to Paris?

[OoC Note: Serrure speaks in the All Tongue (he understands every language, anyone he speaks to will understand him) but he thinks he's speaking in French and will assume everyone else is, too.]

Comments

[doeswhathewants]

Can I choose none of the above? I shall go with none of the above. I prefer strolling or sauntering. Certainly not something so mundane as walking. Never weeping or moaning or groaning. Certainly not groveling, Miss.

[shall_yield_us]

I thought the point of asking whether you may choose none of the above was to wait on approval.

[doeswhathewants]

It was a rhetorical question, I don't like to depend on the permission of others. Free spirit, and all.

Though you, you seem the lordly type used to people waiting on your word.

[shall_yield_us]

Queenly, wasn't it?

And here you, without a gift before royalty.

[doeswhathewants]

Queen? Well, you are very beautiful. But with that little thing your nose does, I would have thought male beyond exception.

I am but a poor orphan, charm is my only gift.

[shall_yield_us]

Very well, then, Fool, I spare you the cliff: charm me.

[doeswhathewants]

That is rather generous for someone of your obviously noble carriage to offer a hapless young rogue of no consequence such as myself.

Tell me, are you the lord and master of this place? Ought I address you as Your Splendid Royal Eminence?

1/2

[shall_yield_us]

[ oh, sna - ]

[shall_yield_us]

...it might be a province. I do so forget my provinces.

[doeswhathewants]

Ah. Then your true territory is more expansive and this place is but one small gem in your mighty crown? I do not envy any jewels you wear the task of competing with your person. [He will make you like him. Then he will rob you blind. You're pretty enough without any physical wealth, trust him, it's a compliment.]

[shall_yield_us]

In... theory. I forget the practice. Do we care for the practice? Of course not. Never. In name I am Lo - Lady and Mistress of things. All things. Every conceivable thing. Why, even you. Happiest yet?

[doeswhathewants]

Every conceivable thing? My, that must get complicated to keep up with. Be you some sort of deity?

[shall_yield_us]

...I forget: after what theology are we operating: the local, the false, or the universal?

[doeswhathewants]

Whichever one you would like to claim. [He's generous.]

1/2

[shall_yield_us]

All of them. I've birthright over one and all.

[shall_yield_us]

But never you mind: now, you were telling the oh-so-tragic tale of how you fell into orphanhood?

[doeswhathewants]

Oh yes. Truly, it was awful. My parents were ah- murdered by my father's evil business partner. I only survived because I was... awayat boarding school. He took everything. And I was put out on the streets to survive by my wits alone.

I have lost [Dramatic sigh] everything.

[shall_yield_us]

[ ...wait.

Wait.


Wait. ]




...is that... it?

[doeswhathewants]

Did I mention the dragons? And.... the evil witch? The ugly evil witch? Well, I was giving you the short version. I wouldn't wish to impose on your time.

[shall_yield_us]

And you weren't even taken on a ship, or sold in slavery, or...?

[doeswhathewants]

Oh, but there was a ship, and I very nearly died. You see, my father's business partner, he employed the evil witch to ah- attempt to steal my pure heart. So he could forge an ultimate weapon to tame the dragon, you see. The dragon... the dragon Jorgamund, who was capable of ah eating the world.

So, before the murders even took place, I was kidnapped and taken out to the middle of the sea. Chained. The middle of the sea because that is where Jorgamund lives. He's... well he prefers the water. Less people, he's on a seafood diet. Anyway, so the night before they were going to sacrifice me, I told the evil witch a story, it was a wonderful story with ah... genies and ah unicorns- but it was a short story. And after I finished, she asked me to tell her another one, so ... I started to tell her another story, but as I got to the height of the climax, I told her I was tired and that I would finish it the next night.

But the next night- I am sure you see where I am going with this- she did not wish to sacrifice me before she heard the ending of the story. So I did the same thing. Finished that story and started a new one- this one was about the secret of eternal youth and beauty. Because she was ugly, you see, she was very interested in this story, but like the night before, I stopped in the middle and said it was time for her to take my heart.

Well, she told me she would spare me if I finished the story and told her how to become beautiful- so I told her that ah...she had to ... put three drops of her blood into the foam on the tops of the ocean waves... and as she was leaning over the side of the ship to do it... I kicked her in.

And the dragon ate her. And he was so glad for that- because witches are tasty to dragons- he let me climb onto his back and flew me to safety.

[He really hopes this person is truly wealthy and not just a nutball.]

1/idefk

[shall_yield_us]

Oh, my poor angel.

[shall_yield_us]

Oh, my poor darling.

[shall_yield_us]

Oh, my poor hea -

[shall_yield_us]

...hold, I forget if you've still your heart, hmm -