[Video]

[buysthegoodshit]

 [Have a guy in a bathrobe shuffling in front of the camera, folks.  He doesn't seem to notice it right away, although with the hand running through his hair and the general jitteryness he seems to be embodying, it's not all that surprising he doesn't see it.  He reaches into a pocket, then, finding nothing, he glances around and -- AHA.  He sees you now.

There's a Jimmie staring at you all now.  He examines the device for a minute or so, then addresses it directly.]

Hello?  I see the light on, I know you're on.  What is this, a prototype or something?  I'm pretty fucking sure I got rid of my phone, so I know this isn't it, and whatever asshole put it in my pocket to begin with either deserves a medal or a foot up their ass.  I'm still trying to figure out which.

Listen, I've got no fucking clue who's on the other end, and I really don't give a shit, but if you see a dark haired broad walking around in a nurse's uniform give me a holler, okay?

And what's with all the graffiti?  Don't you guys have a neighborhood watch or a cleanup brigade for this or something?  Talk about hometown pride.  Fucking Christ.

[Muttered]

This is bullshit.  I swear, Julie, if this has anything to do with New Years'...

Comments

[pinkeffinprofessional]

You're married?

[buysthegoodshit]

...Yeah...? So what? Lotta guys are.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

[Mind. Blown.]

Holy shit.

[buysthegoodshit]

What?

[Seriously, he doesn't get your surprise here. THIS IS A THING PEOPLE DO, geez.]

[pinkeffinprofessional]

I didn't think you actually had the ability to keep a wife.

[buysthegoodshit]

[You, sir, may have a laugh that is 100% sarcastic.]

You're funny.