[Video]

[buysthegoodshit]

 [Have a guy in a bathrobe shuffling in front of the camera, folks.  He doesn't seem to notice it right away, although with the hand running through his hair and the general jitteryness he seems to be embodying, it's not all that surprising he doesn't see it.  He reaches into a pocket, then, finding nothing, he glances around and -- AHA.  He sees you now.

There's a Jimmie staring at you all now.  He examines the device for a minute or so, then addresses it directly.]

Hello?  I see the light on, I know you're on.  What is this, a prototype or something?  I'm pretty fucking sure I got rid of my phone, so I know this isn't it, and whatever asshole put it in my pocket to begin with either deserves a medal or a foot up their ass.  I'm still trying to figure out which.

Listen, I've got no fucking clue who's on the other end, and I really don't give a shit, but if you see a dark haired broad walking around in a nurse's uniform give me a holler, okay?

And what's with all the graffiti?  Don't you guys have a neighborhood watch or a cleanup brigade for this or something?  Talk about hometown pride.  Fucking Christ.

[Muttered]

This is bullshit.  I swear, Julie, if this has anything to do with New Years'...

Comments

[blonderazorshiv]

[ The fuck...? ]

Brown?

[signatures]

Why do I have to grant information for a man who doesn't give two shits about me?

[buysthegoodshit]

...Purple...?

[Right back at you, suit man.]

[buysthegoodshit]

You don't. Consider it a polite request. Listen, man, I don't have any clue where I am so just give me a break, okay? It's been a rough day.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

[Da fuq.]

This is just what I fucking needed to start my fucking day.

[buysthegoodshit]

'Scuse me? I'm the one having a shitty day, so I really don't need your bullshit, okay?

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Are you really using your first post on this thing to talk about nurses?

[Actually why is Pink surprised?]

[buysthegoodshit]

Not nurses, a nurse. One. Her name's Bonnie, and she's my wife, so I think it's understandable, and why do you even care.

You seen her or not?

[orangetoughguy]

[Fuq is dis.]

No shit.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

You're married?

[buysthegoodshit]

Hmm?

[buysthegoodshit]

...Yeah...? So what? Lotta guys are.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

[Mind. Blown.]

Holy shit.

[buysthegoodshit]

What?

[Seriously, he doesn't get your surprise here. THIS IS A THING PEOPLE DO, geez.]

[orangetoughguy]

You have a girlfriend?

[buysthegoodshit]

Wife, actually.

Why does everybody think that's so weird? It's a normal thing.

[...Not for hitmen so much but shhh.]

[signatures]

Saying it's been a rough day for you is like suggesting it hasn't been for anyone else.

But this is the City.

[buysthegoodshit]

You don't know rough 'til you've been forced to store a dead guy in your garage. And that's the least of my problems.

[lol Jimmie your problems. You have no idea how tiny they are.]

...Which city? We talking LA or New York or what? 'Cause I will tell you right now this don't look a damn thing like LA.

[signatures]

You mustn't plead guilt to accessory to murder so loudly if your intention isn't to be in trouble.

The City. Do you like The Eagles?

[orangetoughguy]

You're bullshitting me.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

I didn't think you actually had the ability to keep a wife.

[blonderazorshiv]

No, Blonde.

[ Pink wanted to be Purple. ]

video:

[charring]

[Here. Have a redhead who will not find your appearance confusing/alarming/wtf-worthy.]

In all likelyhood, the person you're looking for isn't here.

[buysthegoodshit]

Ha. Funny. Wasn't my stiff; I did say forced, didn't I? Coercion means it don't mean jack shit.

Philly? You serious?

[buysthegoodshit]

You say that like it's s'posed to mean something.