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dr. horrible's sing-along blog - penny

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[Penny has been MIA since October thirteenth. Close friends and workers at the Centers knew about the first disappearance, when she stayed in the hospital until the twenty-third.

Fewer people know about her second disappearance. Suffice it to say, she never returned to work after the first visit.]

Last month was awful. I'm sure plenty of people're still recovering from it... and maybe there're a few who won't ever get over it completely. If you're one of those people, don't hate yourself for not being able to put everything behind you. What's important is that you're still here.

What I mean is... you know, life's hard. There're plenty of good and beautiful things in the world--in all worlds, I mean--but there's also pain and suffering. People get hurt for no reason, people die senselessly or way too young, children starve to death, zombies attack. It sucks. It really does. Almost everyone here has seen awful things... had awful things done to them. But we're all still doing what we can to live.

I'm not going to say that everything happens for a reason or that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger or anything like that. Everything just happens, and some of those things are terrible. Sometimes we can bounce back from terrible things. Sometimes they hurt us so much that we'll never be the same again. Either way, we keep on living. We keep appreciating beautiful things like love and sunrises. No matter how much we hurt or suffer, we hang on because we're strong enough to get through the bad to get to the good. The strength to do that comes from us, not from what happens to us.

It takes courage to live. I think that's what I'm trying to say. A lot of courage.

I hope everyone's doing okay.

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Thanks, Jimmy.

Sorry to worry you. Last month really had it out for us.

Yeah, well, sorry to worry you, too, kid.

[And soon enough, he'll be here to say it in person, pencil sharpener and all.]

Hey.

[He gets a hug as soon as he's there.]

Hey yourself. Thanks for stopping by... you really didn't have to.

[He hugs her gently, mindful that she's still recovering from injuries.]

You really think there was any chance I wasn't gonna visit?

[Physically, she's more than ready to leave the hospital. What's keeping her there is fear.]

Not really... I know you care. I guess I was afraid you wouldn't want to be around me much after I freaked out on you.

Aw, c'mon, of course I wanna be around you. What happened is over with. We were both in a bad state. Can't blame us for that.

Thanks for that.

I guess things can only get better from here, right?

That's the theory. We ain't ever had two really bad months back to back, right?

Not that I can remember. I think the City just runs out of awful and can't do much but give us a break.

[She goes to a small bag and pulls out colored pencils, worn down to the wood and held together with a hairtie. They definitely need to be sharpened.]

[He follows her over, looking curiously at the colored pencils.]

What're you workin' on? If you don't mind me askin', I mean.

Nothing serious. Just doodles and stuff.

[She grabs a sketchbook and pulls out some loose sheets of paper. There are sketches of some of the doctors, Wilson among them, each done in a different color; a couple of sheets are covered in collections of realistic flowers, all vibrant and lively. One sketch, depicting someone sitting in a near-fetal position, is done all in black and blues.]

Sometimes I forget that I have hobbies, you know? It's nice to have some time to draw. Maybe I'll even see how rusty I am with a violin when I get out.

Just doodles? These look a lot more than just doodles to me.

[He looks at them intently, taking his time with each one, then smiles at her.]

Y'know, my wife was an artist. I've probably mentioned it. I'm always real impressed by people who can draw or paint stuff. I've never been good at that kinda thing.

They only stop being doodles when they're on nice paper.

[She pulls her trashcan over and starts sharpening.]

I think you have, yeah. What did she draw?

Drawing's like anything else, you know... sometimes you're born good at it, sometimes you can learn it. I got a lot better when I was in college. I bet you could learn.

She painted. All kinds of things. Portraits, landscapes... real nice stuff. A lotta paintings of beautiful women. She wanted to be a famous artist. Y'know, live in Paris, make it big somehow.

[A shrug.]

Sure, I could learn. I prefer writin', though.

Not a lot of artists ever make it big. Well... I guess some do, but most of them have to die before anyone notices them.

Do you ever write in the City? Just for fun?

She'd probably like that. Gettin' discovered after she died, I mean. It'd make her seem like a real famous artist, y'know? Doin' it properly like that. Maybe if I ever get back home, I can sell some of her stuff.

Yeah, I do. Poetry, mostly.

I hope that happens for her. Someday. Not too soon, because I kind of like having you here.

That's so neat. Do you ever share any of it?

It'll happen someday. I kinda like bein' here, too. Maybe someone else back home could do it. There were other people she was close to, anyway, that understood her art better than I did.

[He shakes his head.]

Nah. Just never figured anyone'd be interested.

Art's hard that way. I still don't understand it and I majored in it for four years. Creative things like that... I had this teacher once who said how we interpret art tells us more about ourselves than the painting or poem or whatever we're looking at.

I'd be interested.

You got a degree in it? I didn't know that. How come I didn't know that? Seems like the kinda thing I'd've known... guess we get caught up in other stuff here.

Yeah? Maybe sometime you can read it. It ain't exactly cheerful.

A fine arts degree isn't really anything to brag about, and I never did anything with it. There're always more exciting things to talk about.

I'd like to. A lot of the art--paintings, poetry, whatever--I like isn't too cheerful.

Hey, it's better than my less than a year of an English degree.

Sometime I'll show it to you. Long as you don't mock me too bad, y'know.

You had other stuff to worry about. Where I'm from, practically everyone has to have a degree to even get a job.

I'd never mock you.

That so? Maybe it's for the best I ain't from your time, then. I'd be unemployed for sure.

You'd be in good company. I think I've spent more time without a job than with one since I was old enough to work.

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