» THREE | VIDEO «

[medicos]

[ There are many reasons Jim could be beginning this broadcast with his face in his hands, but today it happens to be a legitimately stressful one. Huffing, he rubs his face and keeps his eyes sheltered as he blinks slowly at the camera as if beseeching the viewers to fall into sympathy with his troubles. ]

I don’t know why you’re both so pissed off. [ Glancing over a shoulder, it’s obvious he’s speaking to a pair of brunette ladies - but hold on, City, this isn’t what it looks like. ] It’s not like you were turned into ugly women.

[ From behind him, someone sounds perfectly neutral and contained about the situation. Spock is seated at the table, back perfectly straight, head tilted slightly in curiosity, not a hair out of place. The clothes he’s wearing are too professional for simply being at home, and made for a person much larger in size, but he hasn’t bothered changing into something more suitable. After all, he looks perfectly at ease in them. His voice, when he speaks, is mild, moderated. ]

Fascinating.

[ If the camera pans to Spock, he (she?) is examining one of his (her? how does this even work, grammatically? Inquiring minds, etc.) arm, curiously. He doesn’t appear bothered by the sudden change at all. ]

Why have we been altered, and not Jim?

[ The other person, however, is not so calm. Bones, in his female form, has been pacing around the room in much larger, very male t-shirt and shorts - has been pacing since waking up with breasts attached to his chest, hands pulling at the strands of his long hair (fuck, he has long hair) before finally stopping a few paces away from Spock, arms crossed. He glances at the Spock with an incredulous expression on her (his? dammit) face. ]

That's your professional opinion, Spock? 'Fascinating'? You've gotta be kidding me! We're - I - we -

[ No words. He growls and throws her hands up. ]

Our genders have been swapped. That merits at least a small drop of panic! That just doesn't happen overnight especially in the goddamn twenty-first century!

[ Bones gets a Look from Spock. Really. Really. ]

Panic is counterproductive. This particular event has occurred previously and been recorded by the network. It is a curse, and thus will pass. The probability of it lasting twenty-four hours is approximately 63%.

[ Then he looks at Jim, and that famous eyebrow jumps up, and it looks exactly the same as if it was coming from regular Spock. How? Magic, we suppose. ]

You find this amusing?

[ For what it’s worth, Jim spreads his hands. ]

Gentlemen, if you don’t know then I’m not even going to say it.

[ Bones was about to talk back to Spock - that ain't the point, you pointy-eared bastard! - but gets sidetracked, raises an eyebrow this time at Jim's direction. As a woman, he's just as intimidating with that look on his face - maybe even more. ]

Say it, before I stalk over there and punch it out of you.

[ Bones well as well test out his strength on someone, although he's pretty sure that he can still pack a mean punch. ]

[ Jim looks veritably reticent. And then his expression smooths out with a kind of horror. ]

God, what if you get your - ?

[ Spock turns his attention from Bones to Jim, and there is a slight flicker of irritation on his expression, which thus far has been remarkably placid. ]

Then our female associates will assist. I do not believe that is a significant concern, particularly since this condition is only temporary.

[ In fact, why is this on Jim’s mind, even? Spock decides it’s best not to think about it too hard, and settles for fiddling with his tricorder. Once he’s satisfied with the calibration, he holds it out to Bones for a scan. All in the name of science. ]

Oh, for the love of - [ Cue a groan. ] Jim, if you say anything else regarding our biological functions, I'm gonna stab you with every vaccine known to man that I have in my possession.

[ He raises his hand to take the tricorder from Spock, but he's just staring at it right now. He knows what you want - a full scan, if they've really turned into women, but Bones is still somewhat shell-shocked. He's trying to muster the rest of his patience because he knows this day is bound to get a lot worse than it already is. ]

...This is gonna be a long day.

It is not possible for you to inject every vaccine if you do not possess all of them.

[ REASONING FLAW IN YOUR STATEMENT, BONES. You bet he’ll jump on it. (Plus, it annoys you, and that’s always hilarious.) ]

Judging by what, Spock? The baggy clothes I wear that doesn't look like it can fit them all? [ Fuck you and your logic, you're still an asshole and he hates you forever, xoxo. Although, considering that he's supposed to be extremely annoyed at this, he looks relatively more at ease with bitching at Spock. At least, there's some normality there that he can hold on to. ] Because trust me, I have them, and I'm gonna use 'em.

[ Bullshit, Bones. ]

You do not have that many pockets.

[ Spock looks at Jim, expression perfectly stoic, but the sharp-eyed can see he’s extremely amused, and cheerfully ignores Bones’ grumpy face next to him. Logic has triumphed. ]

I never had that many pockets either when wearing the goddamn blue shirt.

[ But he still had all of his hyposprays to poke and stab everyone, fuck youuuuu. Bones turns to Jim with indignation. ]

What are you laughing about, jackass?

[ Jim, hands pressed to his mouth as if to hold in the stream of bullshit he wants to say but knows it’s smarter to keep under wraps, eventually gives in. ]

… You have really great legs.

[ - addressing each of his senior officers, trying to keep a straight face. Failing dismally. ]

[ If Spock could roll his eyes, he would. Seriously. ]

I do not see how that is relevant to the current situation.

[ Bones rolls his eyes hard enough of the both of them, threateningly pointing the tricorder at Jim. ]

One more word from you, kid, and I'm going to throw this at your face and see how you like having a black eye for the rest of the day.

[ Jim snorts. After spending an inordinate amount of time with the likes of Gaila, he’s not entirely gentile on the subject. ]

I’d put on a bra before you do that, Bones.

[ Well, that does it.

…Maybe throwing a tricorder is too harsh, even for Bones, and it's not his to begin with, so he hands it back to Spock again. ]

You know what? Hold this.

[ Then he grabs a pillow and throws it at Jim, a straight shot hitting him square in the face. Then another, then another, then another, before the feed finally cuts. ]


[ OOC: there you have it, spock and bones' genders have been switched! this is backdated to the early morning of the grab bag weekend's first day. yellow is jim. green is bones. blue is spock. spock's replies will come from syllogistical, and bones' replies will come from termagant. if you are replying to this post. expect some trek spam. ]

Comments

video;

[hexuality]

Godric's balls.

video;

[hischair]

Just mine, actually.

video;

[termagant]

No talk of balls, missy, unless it's about the ones that I should be kicking right now.

[ side eye to jim. ]

video;

[ex_syllogistical964]

[JUST A REALLY JUDGEY LOOK.]

» action

[phonetical]

[She can hear feminine voices through the apartment door and at first, Uhura thinks it might be Janeway, but then the number of voices are in the multiples and she can tell that speech pattern anywhere. So when she opens the door, there's no reason why her face can't have a furrow in her brow that melts into outright confusion.

But then Uhura lifts a hand and begins pointing at Spock and then McCoy. What comes out her mouth is not what she really wants to say.]

Nine. Seven. [And now her eyes fall on Jim.] Eight.

» action

[hischair]

I'm only an eight?

[ So rude, gosh. ]

video;

[deuterium]

[ spock... well, if speaking to the man himself didn't solidify her suspicious that maybe commander chakotay hadn't been lying to her about james t. kirk being here with them, this did. only, apparently spock and bones were now women? though apparently not supposed to be. this curse nonsense was giving her headache — even more so when she thought about the commander's insistence that she was supposed to be cursed along with them. she was wrong and so were they. (she wanted him to be wrong about her.) ]

I thought you were a captain, not a soap star. [ still pretending she's just a twenty-first century girl. she can't deal with more people insisting she's wrong and is supposed to be living a life she doesn't want for herself. ]

video;

[hischair]

It's really cute you think the two are exclusive.

[ Also hilarious, but he's being pelted by pillows so it's hard to be sassier than that. ]

video;

[termagant]

Oh, he's a captain.

[ roll of his eyes, so much rolling of eyes. ]

He doesn't act like it most of the time.

» video

[thenormalsquint]

Oh, you poor, poor things.

[Stop snickering Angela. It's not fun--okay, it is.]

» video

[termagant]

[ sigh. ]

Let it out.

[ by all means, have a giggle fit in front of him if you must. ]

» video

[ex_syllogistical964]

Suggesting this is disadvantageous, somehow?

video » someone had to do it, it might as well be me

[olduvai]

[ hey, those are smoking hot women, and one of them looks familiar.

wait. ]

You gotta be kidding me.

video » ahw yiss

[hischair]

I'm freaking out.

video;

[candothat]

[That was a really difficult conversation for a kid who's only semi-fluent in Standard to follow, guys.

Talking to strangers is usually advised against (and everyone in the City is a stranger, thank you curse), but there was a very interesting word in there. The boy addresses the network with a serious expression.]

"Jackass"?

video;

[hischair]

Whoa, hey. [ Suddenly a kid? Damage controlll. ] Hi, pint-size, what's up? You probably shouldn't say that word.

"Butthead" is way better.

video;

[termagant]

[ in an especially nicer voice: ]

It's not a nice word.

video;

[ex_syllogistical964]

That is not a suitable description.

voice

[nooniensingh]

[No actual commentary. Just a low, amused chuckle, coming from a certain comm device. Somebody isn't bothering to hide this.]

voice

[hischair]

I keep wondering why we aren't lucky enough to have a curse that wipes you off the face of the nexus, to be honest.

[ Good morning, honey, how are you!! He hopes awful. ]

[studmuffin]

[ Stiles knew he was in a bad mood but guys, you didn't have to do so much to cheer him up. ]

This is like a really informative soap opera, wow.

[termagant]

[ growling. guess who's twice as cranky and scary when angry? ]

Not a word.

[ex_syllogistical964]

[Guess who hasn't seen soap operas.]

Explain.

video ]

[paraveterinary]

[ He just watches this entire performance. And then he claps. ]

You guys should have a podcast. [ Maybe a talk show. Or a radio show! ] So, this is a curse that I've been hearing about. I get older - you... [ Sorry. He's just going to laugh. He doesn't know you guys - he doesn't think. So, he'll just fall into a fit of laughter. ]

video ]

[ex_syllogistical964]

You have only experienced ageing? Has anything else changed?

[Still remarkably calm about all this...]

action; closed to uhura

[ex_syllogistical964]

[Shopping for clothes isn't something Spock would be caught dead doing, let alone as a woman. Yet, it's necessary, and after leaving Jim and McCoy (and the tiny Chekov) to their own devices, Spock finds himself seated at the table, picking at his lunch, before he looks at her.]

This is not difficult for you, is it?

action;

[phonetical]

[There's crumbs on her side of the table too, bits of brown bread crusts all over her plate and falling off the side onto the table, from where she picks at her sandwich. The question is a valid one; while she usually would have found a reason to touch him if he was in his regular body, Nyota hasn't. She just doesn't truly know knowing how odd Spock feels in a woman's body and if he wants any business of it.]

A little. I'm not used to seeing you like this, you know. [No reason to lie if she can reason it out to him.] What about you?