poly_chromatic | ♦ ♦ 23rd Contract

[ He's spent the days following Yin's departure from the City on stand-by. Still working. Still heading out on excursions Underground. Still going about his little routines, smiling as 'Li', chatting and cheerful. Bubble-encased. But he has certain other routines, even in the midst of all the usual tasks. Times he thinks about Yin and times he doesn't let himself think about her, because the most important thing of all is to keep his eyes on the straight and narrow, to keep going. That's what he's always done. Except the longer he keeps the pretense up, the more acutely he's aware of something venomous boiling up his skin, in his mind. ]

[ Something that threatens to explode into a firework of cold shrapnel. ]

[ And by the time the curse rolls around, his restraint hangs by the thinnest thread. ]

Well-played, City. [ Li's voice, but with a disquieting bite. It only lasts a moment. The next words are perfectly neutral, ] I guess this is the part where I say: 'Show me yours and I'll show you mine.' Although not exactly in that order.

[ re: If you have his photos, hand them over, and he'll hand over yours. No bullshit, no drama. ]

[ This doesn't have to get ugly. ]

[ OOC: Hei's pictures are floating around the City, and up for grabs. Please approach with caution. Mr. Assassin is cranky as hell with the exit of Yin, his ~~BFF~~ ~~Loli~~ ~~Teammate~~ friend from the City, and this curse is not helping xDD Also I apologize in advance for slow tags; it's craycray season at school. Backtags are encouraged and adored<3 ]

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[ For a moment something shutters across 'Li's face. It's not an expression so much as a lack of it -- a stillness that anyone else would equate with mannequins. Or a corpse. But then he pairs it with drooping eyelids and a tired smile, and it takes on a convincing semblance of exhaustion. Or deep sadness. ]

[ There's a sliver of chance that it's not entirely feigned. ]

That's not a story that's fit for you, Jinora. [ Even as he says it, he knows that's insincere. Hei's treatment of children is a curious mix of protectiveness and a refusal to softsoap them in any way. If Jinora presses for grim details, he'll give them to her. Not out of any need for confession -- catharsis -- but because it'll justify wiping her memory out later. ]

[She interprets the expression as one of sadness; her guard drops further.]

Most stories aren't fit for me. [There's a measure of annoyance in her voice--Jinora hates being too young for people to tell her things--but it's tempered by resignation. She started a fight with Korra by asking for too much; the girl isn't about to do the same with Li. She isn't his trainer. His secrets aren't necessarily hers to know.

The airbender pulls the picture out of her tunic and offers it to Li. Her staff is still at the ready, but the suspicion is gone.] You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I'd listen.

[ Her annoyance gets a flicker of a smile -- wan, but there all the same. He can feel her relaxing -- read the receptiveness in her expression. There's little satisfaction in manipulating a child, true. But he'll do whatever is necessary to preserve his cover. When she hands him the photo, he accepts it almost formally -- taking with both hands and a polite nod in lieu of a Thank You. Handling it with just his fingertips, he doesn't study it, but slips it into his pocket instead. ]

[ His focus remains on Jinora. ] If only everyone respected peoples' privacy like you do. [ The dryness is hidden beneath an illusion of sincerity, but he means it, in his own way. Too bad the damage is already done. He has to scrub the memory out of her mind. More quietly, ] All I can tell you, is that... [ He bites his lip, gaze lowering. ] I didn't want to hurt that girl. The one in the photo. But it was all I could do for her at that point.

[She returns the formality, putting her hands together and dipping her head in a small bow. If nothing else, Li gets points for treating her like an adult in some ways. (The compliment is nice, too.)]

It must've been hard. [The girl is all wide-eyed sincerity, feeling that she's being told a secret that no one else is allowed to know. A painful secret, if Li's expression is anything to go off of. Jinora may have misgivings and lingering suspicions, but she's a sympathetic soul.]

[ Must've been hard. There's truth in that eerily sympathetic remark. But Hei's long stopped measuring his life on a sliding scale of Hard vs.Easy. That kind of bitterness can't manifest for someone who's forgotten anything better. ] It was -- [ He purses his lips, making it seem like he's struggling with an appropriate response. (He's not, but he's too well-trained -- too warped, in several ways -- to erase the grandstander's aspects in his nature. Even now, when telling Jinora something that's as personal and painful as extracting a splinter of bone from his flesh, he's careful to reveal nothing of his true self.) ]

[ Finally, on a pause that's equal parts hesitant and pensive, ] It was hard. But more than that, it was inevitable. Sometimes I think it may have been a relief for her. [ It's what he's fed himself over and over -- his rationalization in wake of Pai's loss. Had she lived, the Syndicate would've continued exploiting her as a killing machine. ]

[If Jinora trusted Li completely or knew him better, he'd be on the receiving end of a hug right now. As it is, the airbender keeps to herself and turns that notion over in her mind... the idea of dying as a relief. Airbenders--the Air Nomads, more accurately, but they're long gone--have a great appreciation for life and are committed to preserving it, not taking it away.

All the same, she can imagine scenarios in which death is preferable to life. What she can't fathom is the amount of pain those scenarios would cause.]

I'm sorry. You must have cared about her a lot.

[That's how it goes in the stories, after all.]

Edited (html fail) 2013-04-30 03:57 (UTC)

[ Hei takes a breath, mouth flattened into a thin line. To Jinora's words, he can only nod, in a way meant to indicate She was and It's too ugly to talk about. He's rarely ever bothered referring to Pai in conversation, because it's impossible to think of her without his mind being flooded with conflicting emotions: sadness and futility and worst of all, the misgiving that he'd failed her on the most fundamental level of family. That he shouldn't have tried to kill her, shouldn't be relieved she's at rest -- because that meant giving up on her. ]

[ Except it's too late to pull his mind into convolvulus directions over it. ]

[ In the end, he amends, his voice dull and steady, ] My ...little sister. She was all I had left.

[The admission is all it takes to break through Jinora's remaining reservations. There's nothing more important to her than family (whether they're family by blood or family by sentiment), and she has her own younger siblings. She can't imagine having anything happen to them, and being alone... being in the City without her parents and sister and brothers is hard enough, and she has the luxury of knowing that they're alive and well.

The girl hugs Li, any words caught in her throat at the very idea of being well and truly alone.]

[ It may or may not come as a surprise, but Hei's been anticipating the hug. Not with emotion, but the steel precision of springing a mousetrap. He's not devoid of all capacity to appreciate Jinora's kindness. But for someone like him, physicality is a weapon and a tool. He's grown insensible to all but the most violent forms of contact. A spontaneous, innocent hug isn't something he knows what to do with. After a beat, he passes his arms pass around her, but tentatively. His eyes, shadowed and tired, slip half-shut. And unseen by Jinora, all expression slips off his face with them. ]

[ His palm lifts to cradle the shape of her skull. The voltage he delivers is mild in intensity -- he's dealing with a child, after all. That means a more fragile physical and mental territory. ]

[ Nonetheless, Jinora will feel the nerve-juddering zap. ]

[She feels it, but the girl isn't conscious long enough to wonder why.]

[ Hei allows her to slump against him, an arm curled around her. Reaches to grab her glider with the other hand. The entire process has been surreptitious: no one in the crowd has noticed. Hefting her against his chest, he rises easily. It shouldn't be much trouble to get her back to the Beach House, then stow her into her room, unnoticed. ]

[ Overall he feels less guilty than he ought to. Wiping her memory was an act of mercy -- and a disaster narrowly averted. ]

♦ ♦ 23rd Contract - Voice/Video/Action

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