2.9; video

[binarysky]

[Roxas is rubbing his eye as he clicks on the video.]

Guys, don't look up if you go outside today. Even if it seems like the, uh, rain is done, it could come back. And these things can hurt.

They're good, though. [He pops another one into his mouth and chews it with a thoughtful crunch, zoning out slightly before refocusing on his communicator.]

But I think some of them aren't good for you. I had one before and got all these weird pictures in my head—it was like a city, but not real, because it sort of...folded up. That was cool, but I'm pretty sure candy's not supposed to make that happen.

Just be careful, okay?

Comments

[skylight]

Y-- hey wait a second! Are you saying you wish I had fallen into it?

[ 8(

Anyway...

Some munching probably picked up on the device feed then "Wh--" only to trail off. Then there's static and silence just the background of people around and such, but it's as if Sora has forgotten the device is on, and in a way he is, distracted wholly by the vision - memory really - transfixing him to where he was walking seconds before. ]

[binarysky]

Maybe I am.

[ Deal with it, br—

Wait, that's an unnerving sound. As is the sudden silence. ]

Sora? Are you okay? What's going on?

1/3

[skylight]

Huh?

[ THE MOST ELOQUENT RETURN TO REALITY. ]

[skylight]

[ BLINKING AT HIS DEVICE oh wait Roxas...as in Roxas now as opposed to Roxas in that...well what was it?

Memory. It feels familiar now that he's seen it. Their connection? Or just the idea of being connected so he can understand? He's not sure. ]

Um....yeah I...

[ oh but wow no. DiZ seriously? SERIOUSLY? 8|

bro, your life was hard. in some ways Sora knew this but knowing and understanding are different, but also just being aware of certain things, facts, it changes or adds depth. he's digesting it anyway. the more he thinks on it, the less he feels if he has to ask whether it really happened. skip that. ]

...I think I got one of yours. I mean, I did.

...

[skylight]

[ Angry? Sad? Frustrated? Maybe this is an echo of what Roxas felt though it really probably can't compare. Except they are part of a whole, separate and their own but interconnected in a way that's unique. The truth is, Sora more and more often doesn't know where to start because it's not so simple - Roxas went through a compounded life and he doesn't know the half of it. ]

DiZ...he was wrong you know - about you at least..about what you are. I mean, you're not a 'what' anyway. You're a who.

[ Even Sora could see pretty clearly DiZ wasn't really his own being, just a motive that was confused. It's easier to spot in hindsight though. The last part he said almost to himself, half turned away from the device, rubbing at his face with his free hand. ]

[binarysky]

[ Roxas takes a sharp breath. ]

What?

[ And then there's a clattering sound as his communicator slips out out of suddenly-numb fingers. ]

[skylight]

Roxas...? Are you still there?

[ pause ]

I should've...I...I shouldn't have kept eating the candy I guess.

I'm sorry.

[ for that it happened at all, not Roxas' 'birth' but more what he went through because of it - selfishly though Sora wants Roxas to exist, wants him as his friend, and a friend carries part of you with them true and if it's more literal with them then that's something they contend with, but it doesn't make Roxas less of his own being any more than Sora, at least not to him. it doesn't undo what happened though - his treatment, the usage of him, none of which can entirely sink in as much as maybe it should, as maybe it will one day when Sora knows the whole story, but it's always longer than you think.

on a simplified matter, he's sorry for eating the heart too, but even that's not black and white; because Sora does want to know more of Roxas, but he's sorry in case of Roxas not having wanted to share it in the first place.

replies fragmented as they are might not make sense and Sora wonders if he should wait to find Roxas or ask him now. ]

[binarysky]

[ He can still hear Sora's replies, though his Other's voice sounds tinnier coming from the ground. Roxas is suddenly much farther away, not a few feet but worlds away and months in the past.

I hate you so much.

My heart belongs to me!

But that had never been true, had it? ]

Uh...

[ It takes a moment to get a grip on himself, and another to lean over and fumble for the device. ]

I'm fine. It's okay. Forget about it.

[ He means that literally. ]

[skylight]

No it's not!

It's not fine! I...

[ --wish there was something I could do. Want to make it up to you.

... ]

I mean you're not gonna forget about it. I won't either.

[ More quietly: ] ...why d'you say it's 'fine'?

He was awful to you.

[ NOT that that's...a rarity for Roxas but like...the point stands. It's definitely not fine. ]

[binarysky]

Because it's over and done with! He's dead. It doesn't matter what he said to me.

[ It's not the first time he's lied to Sora, but it's probably the most obvious. ]

How much did you see?

[skylight]

You...and him...he called you half of me, said...he was a servant and that you were...a...tool...

Just because he's gone doesn't make it fine. It was wrong. It's still wrong.

So it matters.

[ A pause, he sighs. ]

It ...it bothered you then. You were angry.

[ Sora almost says I think I could feel it but stops, waits, thinks: that kind of thing would still bother me.

Doesn't it still bother you? I don't believe you if you just say it's 'done'.

It goes back to the other thing: Roxas is a who, not a what. So it can't be that basic. Sora can't let it be just yet. ]

[binarysky]

[ So he hadn't seen the whole thing.

But it was enough. ]

I'm not now.

[ Another lie. ]

It doesn't matter. It's over. I don't want to remember that.

[skylight]

But...you do remember. I...how can you just...

[ FEELINGS. ]

You tried to attack him. I wish it really had been him. He deserved it.

[ BABBLE BABBLE theory: maybe if he keeps talking Roxas will...talk back..and eventually...well let's be honest Sora's not sure but talking is better than not talking. ]

What happened after?

[ ALL THOSE THINGS LEARNED ABOUT PATIENCE AND NOT PUSHING? Need not apply here. Roxas is saying he doesn't want to remember but to Sora all that does is tell him that it really does still bother him if he DOES think about it.

And considering the timeline, more or less Sora gathers it's not like he had time to talk or think about it much if at all. Why's it so important to dredge up if Roxas says he doesn't want it to be?

Well Sora doesn't have a clear answer but he knows it feels important, that it's not something he should let go.

So he doesn't. Maybe Roxas is mad at him or maybe he will be. Maybe that's okay. Sora didn't get much of anywhere without diving in head first or just...pushing. Sometimes it's a good thing to return to old tactics, especially when you run as often on heart and gut instinct as anything else, if not more than. ]

[binarysky]

[ He glares at the communicator, wanting to ask why can't you just drop this but already knowing the answer.

It's Sora; he can't let go of anything really important. It's something Roxas likes about him. But not here and not now. ]

You woke up.

[ Accurate and yet not. He's sure Sora won't be fooled into thinking that's all there was to it. But to Roxas, it's all that mattered.

Sora had gotten his last day of summer vacation. Roxas hoped he'd made it count. ]

[skylight]

What about....between then and...when we... [ fought ] ...the next time we met up?

The first time I can remember.

[binarysky]

[He squeezes the device tightly in one hand.]

Your pod opened. That's the only time I ever saw you face to face. I didn't even try to go back to you, it just happened. It was like falling asleep.

I woke up when Axel died. You know what happened then.

[skylight]

[ when he swallows, it's not audible but it feels like it might be, a heavy sharp weight that could cut the inside of the throat, lodge behind a heart and leave a quiet kind of scar. yet it's not his still. it's his other's, belongs to roxas, and he's not sure if he's claiming too much when he thinks: maybe this is how you felt? ]

I'm sorry for what he did to you. How he...

[ 'used you' is just part of it really so to just chalk it up to that alone is wrong.

He wishes Axel had gotten to see Roxas again, vice versa, wishes there'd been some other way and isn't that one of the worst feelings too? To wonder and never really be sure. ]

[binarysky]

He was wrong, you know. I could hear him.

[ While they've shared a lot by now, both before and after Roxas puzzled out their true connection here in the City, but this is a side that's probably new to Sora. Roxas has never been bitter before. ]

I don't forgive him.

[skylight]

[ There's some distortion from Sora having run into someone, entirely focused on the conversation as he is, but when he talks again it's quieter, like he's gone off to one side somewhere, which he has. ]

I...

[ wouldn't either? don't blame you? can see why?

... ]

I....don't think he deserves to be.

[ which coming from Sora is another thing entirely but he knows as sooon as he says it out loud that he means it. ]

[binarysky]

[He lets out a quiet, disbelieving laugh.]

You don't even—

Just...forget about it.

[skylight]

I won't forget about it. You won't either.

Why won't you tell me?

I know it upsets you.

But I don't understand and I want to understand. I didn't think I'd get the chance to with you and since we have it I don't think we should just...

[ just let it go by....just call it okay

when it's not ]

[binarysky]

You wouldn't understand this.

[ How could anyone? Thinking you're a normal person. Wanting only to spend every day with your normal friends. Then having it all ripped away.

He doesn't want Sora to understand that. No one should have to. ]

[skylight]

Maybe not....but....you shouldn't....

...I mean...


[ he pauses, for a long time, ends up sitting down where he is, cross legged like a kindergarten kid taking up surpriisngly clean sidewalk in an alleyway ]

...I don't want to make you tell me. That's...not what I wanna do. It's...enough people've made you do things you didn't want to or without telling you...everything they should have.

But...

Well.

I know maybe I wouldn't understand. I'm not you. But...I want to be your friend and....I want to...understand as much as I can - what happened to you and how you felt. How you feel.

It's important to me.

[ a pause, just background din ]

...but don't...I mean...I don't know how to say it another way. Even though it's over, it hurt you.

I don't think you should have to deal with it by yourself.

'cause you're not by yourself now.

I'm just sorry you were....and...

...yeah...I'm just sorry.

[binarysky]

I wasn't by myself!

[The words pour out in a torrent. It's the last thing he wants to happen but his emotions are too raw and too close to the surface.

This was in the past. All that pain—the heartache—done with, Xemnas and Ansem both dead and gone, nothing left but to sort out a new life here in the City and figure out what he and Sora mean when they're together as friends and not one person.

But now it's like what happened months ago was really yesterday, and his heart and his eyes burn as he tries to hold back the longing for the ones he never got to say goodbye to.

Hayner. Pence. Olette.

Axel.]

I wasn't by myself. Or at least I thought I wasn't. Then he showed up and ruined everything!

[skylight]

[ Sora's not sure what to say to that. He doesn't understand enough and that's the whole problem here of course. ]

Not all the time, but....what about when you left?

Roxas....I'm probably getting a lot of things wrong.

I don't mean to.

I just...don't know a lot about what did happen.