( Audio )

[confined_to_briah]

( A day filled with the memories of betrayals, hm? Alexiel is glad that certain residents are no longer in the city. Otherwise she would have more than one knife in her back.

However, after feeling the impulse to right her betrayals (i.e. by using someone else like a pin-cushion), she decides to spend the day high above most of the other citizens. While a knife in her back wouldn't kill her or keep her down for long, it would hurt and she doesn't want to deal with the inevitable backlash of "I wasn't myself!" etc. etc..

Oh city, you never disappoint. )

Should anyone feel I've betrayed them, I suggest that you buy a doll and take out your frustrations on it.

( Her voice is laced with bitter amusement. )

I think it would do you more good in the long run.

Comments

Private//

[confined_to_briah]

It wasn't instinctive. ( But she won't deny that it probably should have been. ) It happened gradually, but then it all came crashing down on me. I knew that I had no other choice and I have never been one to grovel.

( She had only followed god's orders originally to keep Rosiel safe. )

Private//

[mortemscintilla]

No one ever said the truth -- or the decision to resist -- happens all at once. [ Certainly, it wasn't the case for him when he finally turned against the Syndicate. He'd despised forfeiting his life to it, but he'd felt it was the only way to find his sister. It was years before he finally reached a level of self-actualization and rebelled. ] Most people spend their whole lives making excuses and justifying their weaknesses, because they're slaves to routine. They're trapped in their own little boxes. Even if those boxes are their minds.

[ A wry half-smile, ] You could argue that quotidian reality is the biggest slave-master of all.

Private//

[confined_to_briah]

( He's right. But she doesn't like painting a picture of herself that's false. There's more than enough of that going on. )

I know my weaknesses. Being shackled, imprisoned and cursed do not rank amongst them. ( She can handle pretty much everything if her brother is safe.

His final statement causes her to laugh. ) Unfortunately.

Private//

[mortemscintilla]

[ Masks, deceptions, false images ...Don't get him started. He'd write her a thesis. No one in his world is honest. Self-delusion reigns supreme. It might even be argued that it's the only way most people can live with themselves. ]

[ At her words, the half-smile reaches his eyes a little more. ] Most in your position would claim they have no weaknesses at all. [ It's one thing he finds both bewildering and refreshing about her; the insistence not to glorify or self-embellish. ]

Or fortunately. You can teach someone everything there is about freedom. You can lead by example. But most just go from one slave-master to another. They can't function otherwise. [ A touch bitterly, ] I'd call it human condition. But it seems true of non-humans in this City too.

Private//

[confined_to_briah]

( His world isn't very different from her world. The lies and deception are enough to cause even a slightly honest person to choke. And, for the most part, either her fellow angels don't see it or they go along with it. The result is the same in the end. )

Then they're fools who have already shown you their weakness: hubris.

( Strength can only bring her so far. Even power isn't absolute. )

It becomes simpler for them to follow another's lead. There's less they have to think about. ( Peace of mind is something she used to scoff at. But now... ) I can't entirely blame them for wanting some structure so far from home.

Private//

[mortemscintilla]

In general, that's what's at the root of all the greatest mistakes. [ A beat. ] Stupidity has a category all of its own.

[ It's never been Hei's way to believe in absolutes. His homeworld challenges the established norms of science and morality every day. The City takes that and compounds it by a hundred. ]

There's a fine line between structure and dependency. [ He shrugs. ] Not that it makes a difference here. Whether you rebel for freedom, or accept the City's rules, you have no control. No reliable way to outsmart curses either. [ Dryly, ] In that sense, everyone here is finally equal.

Private//

[confined_to_briah]

Humans have hurt you too. ( She smiles at him, a touch of sadness to the expression. ) They can be selfish and as dependent as you say. However, they are not all like that. There are some who break the mold.

( She presses her lips into a thin line. ) There might not be a way to break the curses, but you needn't lie down and give into them either.

Private//

[mortemscintilla]

[ His gaze shutters, either at the accuracy of her first remark, or because the conversation has taken too personal a turn. Calmly neutral, he says, ] If there are, they're freakishly rare. And they die fast. [ At least they do in his profession. ] But maybe I'm just being cynical.

[ A low Hmm, both agreement or acknowledgement. ] So far the safest option is to retreat Underground every other day. Unfortunately it's not a very scenic route.

Private//

[confined_to_briah]

Unless they know how to fight for themselves. ( Alexiel likes to arm those who deserve to survive. )

That's where those like ourselves step in.

( She wrinkles her nose. ) I won't run.

Private//

[mortemscintilla]

[ There's a touch of wryness in his tone. ] Considering who I'm speaking to, my answer shouldn't be Darwinian. But fitness as a fighter isn't a guarantee of survival. Strategy and cunning [ and cheating ] go a long way too. [ Especially if it's an uneven playing field. ]

[ Those like ourselves. He's not certain he'd agree. While he respects those with a will to fight, he's taken far more lives than he's ever saved. But that owes largely to his history. To protect his sister, he had to be the best at what he did. He had to be more ruthless, more calculating, more driven, than any of his peers. ]

[ He'd succeeded. But somewhere along the line the rat-race lost its charm. ]

[ Her nose wrinkles, and his half-smile returns. ] There are curses that turn your abilities against you. Or against others. In light of that, sometimes withdrawal is the smartest option. [ Other times? He just doesn't have the tolerance for the City's bullshit. ]