(no subject)

[pinkeffinprofessional]

These aren't real candy. These are fucking sweetened pieces of chalk. First off, if you're going to celebrate this holiday, at least have the decency to get some real fucking candy. There isn't a fucking man in the world who didn't get laid by bringing a girl a box of chocolates, even from the fucking drugstore, but if you buy a box of these tacky fucking hearts there is no fucking way anyone is getting laid. Who the fuck buys these after the age of ten anyway? There's no fucking person on the planet who puts them in their mouths willing. They're fucking terrible and what the fuck is up with these words?

Murder.

Despair.

Drug addict.

Fuck it I'm not eating this shit. What's next? A rain of daffodils?

[He already ate one and it was a crappy secret he already knew :|]

Comments

[boutant]

He didn't get laid if she's allergic to chocolate.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Are you saying you're allergic to chocolate?

[boutant]

No, I'm not, but you know how they pump them full of weird filling? I might as well be for those.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

No no no. Real chocolate is just chocolate and occasionally a ganache filling in a truffle. And don't get me started on that 'white chocolate' crap.

[wayfarers]

I never needed no damn box of chocolates to get laid.

I like what these ones say better than the normal ones, though. They still taste like crap.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Big fan of the murders and the betrayals?

[wayfarers]

Number fucking one fan, as long as I'm not on the receiving end.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Well.

That's fantastic.

[ TEXT ]

[notelegrams]

In the interest of commercial growth, along with the dismissal of the dowdy morbid chocolate piece, I would also discourage the mass production of fondants.

[ TEXT ]

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Like the shit that goes on cake?

[ TEXT ]

[notelegrams]

And the species of confections that capitalizes on the material, yes.

[ TEXT ]

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Big fan?

[saidrepent]

At least someone's got some sense.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

I've got a fuckload of sense.

[saidrepent]

I wouldn't think you'd need a whole fuckload to know better than eating candy off the street.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

This is a sad lack of people listening to advice any asshole can get off Sesame Street.

[duplicities]

Sensible.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Don't take candy from strangers. Isn't that the first shit they teach you?

[duplicities]

People tend to make exceptions on Valentine's day, apparently.

[badhairlifetime]

I've never tasted any of these back home. Perhaps they're intended to ward off unwanted affections. The daffodils would likely be more palatable.

What do they usually say?

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Shit like be mine and love.

Daffodils are poisonous.

[badhairlifetime]

I can see how these might be a little out of the norm.

And yes, I know. [For you, anyway.]

[whitetwoguns]

I never really liked those.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Because they taste like crap.

[whitetwoguns]

Even if you can't afford chocolate, there's far better candy.