(no subject)

[pinkeffinprofessional]

These aren't real candy. These are fucking sweetened pieces of chalk. First off, if you're going to celebrate this holiday, at least have the decency to get some real fucking candy. There isn't a fucking man in the world who didn't get laid by bringing a girl a box of chocolates, even from the fucking drugstore, but if you buy a box of these tacky fucking hearts there is no fucking way anyone is getting laid. Who the fuck buys these after the age of ten anyway? There's no fucking person on the planet who puts them in their mouths willing. They're fucking terrible and what the fuck is up with these words?

Murder.

Despair.

Drug addict.

Fuck it I'm not eating this shit. What's next? A rain of daffodils?

[He already ate one and it was a crappy secret he already knew :|]

Comments

[boutant]

He didn't get laid if she's allergic to chocolate.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Are you saying you're allergic to chocolate?

[boutant]

No, I'm not, but you know how they pump them full of weird filling? I might as well be for those.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

No no no. Real chocolate is just chocolate and occasionally a ganache filling in a truffle. And don't get me started on that 'white chocolate' crap.

[boutant]

Do they even sell "real chocolate" in those tacky boxes anymore? I'm pretty sure every time I've seen one, it's all been 'variety chocolate' with toothpaste filling.

And white chocolate is disgusting unless it's on pretzels.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Probably not. You can't be fooled by that 'candy chocolate' shit.

[boutant]

I'd rather just have a bag of M&Ms, but I don't think anyone's ever gotten laid for that, either.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Because it's candy chocolate. I mean the real shit, kid.

[boutant]

Don't call me that.

Enlighten me on 'real' chocolate, then.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Over 40% cocoa solids.

[boutant]

And that gets you laid every time?

[pinkeffinprofessional]

My method is way more effective.

[boutant]

You have a method other than chocolate?

[pinkeffinprofessional]

You know what, I really shouldn't be talking about this shit with you.

[boutant]

[ Oh for the love of-- ]

I'm not twelve.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

That doesn't mean I should be talking about it with you.

[wayfarers]

I never needed no damn box of chocolates to get laid.

I like what these ones say better than the normal ones, though. They still taste like crap.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Big fan of the murders and the betrayals?

[wayfarers]

Number fucking one fan, as long as I'm not on the receiving end.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Well.

That's fantastic.

[wayfarers]

Sure is.

You not a fan? You don't look like you're cut out for that type of thing.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

What do I look cut out for?

[wayfarers]

I dunno.

Maybe like...accounting. Are you an accountant? Or a librarian. You could be a librarian.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Sure. I'm a fucking accountant.

[boutant]

I didn't realize you were a prude.

[ Let's play: try to poke Mr. Pink's buttons! ]