poly_chromatic | 007 [Video] || My heart kept breaking. I threw it against the wall Can anyone feel me at all?

Entry tags:

marvel 616 - natasha romanoff

007 [Video] || My heart kept breaking. I threw it against the wall Can anyone feel me at all?

I suppose it was just a matter of time before I got another reminder.

[The red head looks at from the phone to the thin box chain around her neck and the charm. A delicate fragile looking silver heart the size of a quarter with James' star in the center of it. The same one that he has on his shoulder back home, now miniaturized and placed in the center of a stupid metal heart on a chain around her neck. ]

This place... it never does quite let you get back on your feet before it knocks them back out from under you again. [This time? This time it's almost like a punch to the gut. James' star. Of course that's what she'd get.

Green eyes drift from the charm back to the device and she sighs. She's already wasted far too much time just staring. Letting the little heart spin around on the chain and watching as the image appears and vanishes from sight with every turn.]

A curse I'm assuming? Anything special I need to know?

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Not at all. [Because attachments to people who aren't... 'coworkers' isn't something they'd typically do. Because adopting these kids and giving them a safe place to stay is...nearly against everything their instincts tell them to do when they're anywhere else. At home, their lives would be too crazy to even consider taking anyone in like this.] It's the right thing to do. We're about doing the right thing.

[Good. She didn't. Having him upset with her over some teasing.]

It's just horrible. [She doesn't really mind it, really. Besides, if his bratty-ness was an issue, she'd sure as hell let him know.] Lucky me. It's a good thing we both are.

The right thing.

[ He hums in thought, huffs a quiet laugh, but somehow manages to seem in two minds about what that actually means and if they ever really do. But here, providing for one or two who have wandered through lost and alone, he's felt better about that than he has about anything else for a long while. He wonders if, when he leaves this place, he'll remember everything that's happened, and how that might alter how he proceeds, if anything will ever be the same - the people, the places, the memories - they all play their part in bringing Clint out more than he's ever let show and pushing Agent Barton away.

He's not sure how he feels about that, if it's good or bad, if it's safe for himself or for others, or if maybe it's something he's longed for all his life, but never quite had the opportunity for. Surviving, fighting his way through life, coping with the pain of betrayal - it all got in the way, became a priority, a way of life, and he's never known anything else until now. It's not exactly how he imagined it, on the rare occasions he let himself, but it's the closest he'll ever get to a home, to any real sense of family beyond SHIELD, and he's glad the two people who matter most are here to be a part of that. ]

Terrible. Things nightmares are made of. We'll either drive each other too insane to care or we'll take over the world. They had it coming.

[See, that's the problem for her. She's spent so long buried, so long as the weapon. Training for it. Being programmed for it. Taught, punished, pushed harder and harder. Even when she was free, she still strives for perfection. She still looks to have an objective. A job. A mission. A purpose. At home, she could almost turn that all off when she was with James.

Here? There is none of that. It's just... curses and people showing up. It's miniature hippos and rabbits who claim to be your soul. There is no purpose. No clear objective. No mission. She's becoming more Natasha and less of Agent Romanov, and she doesn't know how she feels about that.

She doesn't even know who she is outside of her job. She's never known anything else. This is strange. It's foreign and frightening. It's nothing she's ever dealt with in her long life, and she is so damn glad she has him here to keep her sane.

She actually snorts a soft scoffing laugh at that.]

That's right. Being stuck with me is horrific. You're never going to be the same again. [She grins, lifting her head carefully so she can look at him.] We're going to take over the world anyway. Our sanity is relative.

[ Where Natasha never really knew what she was before the training, without a mission to work towards completing, Clint did, and he almost envies her for that. Almost. He knows of family and betrayal, abuse and abandonment, of doing anything and everything it takes to survive, to keep the determination to piss the world off by staying in it, keeping himself alive.

But as much as he remembers, vividly, what it was before, he doesn't know who he is any better than she does. He's used to constant distractions, taking orders, finding subtle ways around breaking said rules without too much reprimanding afterwards, of sticking to his own morale code that he makes up as he does along depending on the situation. Strip that away, throw him into this situation with civilians and no real goal but to carry on until he makes it home? He's drowning, he has been for a while, restless and agitated, and wrapped up too much in his own thoughts.

Natasha, well, she provides a distraction from it, helps to ease the tension and wash everything away for a while to allow him some peace. He hopes he can do something along those lines for her, whatever it is that she needs to get her through. If it weren't for her and for Phil (even if that's still an awkward, touchy subject), he knows he would have gone mad a long time ago, the ticking in and of itself enough to drive him over the edge he's been hanging from for as long as he remembers. ]

It probably helps we didn't have much to start with. [ He sounds both contemplative and amused at the thought, but it's no less true. Sighing, he closes his eyes, wishes there were some way to melt into her that much more, to lose himself completely in it so he can shut off for a while, maybe a day or so, even a week. ] You're not wrong, though. The world's gonna be awesome as soon as we take the reigns.

[They're both so damaged, at the very least they can be damaged and drowning together. They can do what they can to keep the other one afloat and distract them when things like this happen.

She doesn't want to lean to heavily on him, and sometimes- like now, she thinks that maybe she does. But at the same time he'd tell her if it was too much. She carries a lot of her own weight herself. There are just days that... she needs to distribute it a little bit, to ease a little of the pressure.

This damn heart...as much as she knows it's the truth, it's a sore reminder of something that is so close, and yet so far away. Something that... at least here, doesn't belong to her, and she wouldn't expect that it ever will.]

Speak for yourself there, Feathers. [She teases with a laugh. Wouldn't that be amazing? She would love that, especially today. Just retreat into each other and hide away for a day, a week, a month maybe. Forget the world outside this apartment and learn how to breathe again.] Oh you know it will be. Have to wonder if they'd even stand up to stop us if we tried to take over quietly.

[ As someone who also tries not to rely on others too much, Clint wonders the same thing, even though he's long since stopped questioning their relationship; it's complicated, unique to their situation, and nothing anyone else could ever truly understand.

But there are definitely new lines that have been crossed, curses or not, and those make him a little nervous, unsure, but covering it with dry humour and telling himself it's because this Natasha is new, is bonded to him with her own separate memories of him while he's got his own perspective on it. One day soon they'll figure out how to bring those together and make it work smoothly. ]

Feathers. Really? [ He gives her a look, one that would send anyone else running for the hills, but it carries a fondness, a hint of amusement that only someone who knows what to look for can really pick up on. ] Depends if they see us coming or not. My vote leans more towards the subtle, but it's what we're good at.

[The situation is complicated and unique, but it's also...so simple and honest, and completely theirs.

And she finds that she honestly doesn't mind the lines they're crossing, it wouldn't be happening otherwise. He's comfortable and easy to get along with, and they're both uniquely capable of dealing with the other's bullshit. He keeps her from sinking, just as much as she keeps him, and while things may at times might make them both a little nervous and uncertain, it works. It works for them the way it is, it could work better, but at least it works the way it is.

She shifts, and just grins giving him a slight lift of her shoulder, her expression pure amusement, despite the look he's giving her.]

Would you believe it was the first thing that came to mind? [Natasha nods and settles back down again.]

Subtle. I think we're in agreement with subtle. [It's a nice little daydream, even if they'll probably never do it.]

You're losing your touch. [ But he gives her a suspicious look, as if to say that he's not sure if he believes it or not, or if she's just been itching to call him that. If he's honest, it sounds more like she's been hanging around with Stark far too much.

He huffs out a breath, a lazy gesture of amusement, the warmth and laziness starting to make his eyes droop without any help, but his mind is as alert as ever, imagining the two of them causing chaos around the City. ] Been here long enough to have won hearts and minds, no one'd suspect a thing.

Who said I ever had any touch to lose? [She might have been thinking about it for a while. She might be hanging out with Tony too much. Or she might have just thought of it on the fly and instantly wished she hadn't. Which ever way, it's out there now, and don't worry, it probably won't ever be used again.

Honestly, she's just as happy to be lazy and warm with him. She might even fall asleep if they weren't discussing 'world' domination.] Good. Next step is for me to get out there and gain some trust. [A little huff.] Which means I might have to be social. Ugh..

Not me. [ Because he definitely knows better than to accuse her of having a heart or a soft spot, even though, if she's anything like his Natasha, he's witnessed several. ] Want me to take down anyone who puts it out there?

[ He looks at her with an expression of shock, as if his entire world is suddenly pulled out from under him and turned upside down and inside out. It's close enough. ]

Well, looks like I'm starting earlier than planned on that bunker. Better have a place to take cover if it gets out of hand.

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007 [Video] || My heart kept breaking. I threw it against the wall Can anyone feel me at all?

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