→ video 15

[studmuffin]

[ The device switches on just as Stiles starts throwing things at the very angry goose in the Anti-Scooby Gang shack's door. The view is obscured by the couch, but his projectiles are pretty obvious. First a shoe, then a book, then his jeep keys. The bird just flaps its wings and hisses--. ]

Did you just freaking hiss at me? C'mon, I've fought the Kanima. You're like - like a weirdly sinister Big Bird. [ Snapping at Stiles' keys with its beak. ] Can't you smell danger you big ugly jewelry laying freak? [ Mimicing an accent. ] Can't stop here, this is wolf country.

[ Ugh, his life is just full of hideous and egotistical animals. ]

Comments

[lupusalpha]

[Luckily he hasn't checked his device, he just hears the hiss and comes in, and there's a growl.

The bird doesn't seem to care. It hisses at Derek, too]

Why the hell is it here?

[studmuffin]

[ Pause. Then deadpan. ]

It's a goose. It's probably part of the shitty Twelve Days of Christmas theme the curses have got going on.

[lupusalpha]

[Derek moves to threaten it and it hisses at him, opens its wings, and launches itself at his head. Derek tries to bat it away but it flies to sit under their Christmas tree]

What the -

[studmuffin]

Do not wreck the Christmas tree, jesus.

[ He put hard effort into that thing. ] It lay a gold egg, I didn't take it but I think it thought I was attacking it.

[lupusalpha]

[Derek is circling it now. It hurt his wolfy pride]

Where? Did you get the egg?

[studmuffin]

No.

It kind of backed me in here and I was trying to get it to go away before you showed up. [ Pause. ] Wow. This is pathetic.

[lupusalpha]

[Derek actually wolf out and lunges for it, and it hisses at him, biting him on the cheek and twisting before it flees for the open door. Derek hisses at the pain but his face goes back to normal]

I hate geese.

[studmuffin]

Someone a nerd is writing a screenplay about this on the internet and it will totally become king of all shitty films. Like Lesbian Vampire Killers only with more -. [ Waving a hand at Derek. ]

More ... guy.

[lupusalpha]

[Derek looks under the tree and picks up a golden egg.]

This is what you wanted?

[studmuffin]

I didn't want it. [ Huff. ] It laid it, I didn't force it into labour while twirling my mustache.

[lupusalpha]

[He tosses it over]

You don't have a mustache.

[studmuffin]

[ Catching it badly. ]

Pop culture references are lost on you. Are you sure you're not a vampire?

[lupusalpha]

Not a vampire.

[He nods to the egg]

What are you planning on doing with that?

[studmuffin]

I don't know.

[ Because he didn't want it. Bending down to get his device and - huh. ]

[lupusalpha]

What is it?

[He's moving to check what Stiles sees]

[studmuffin]

Nothing.

[ Spinning around, device behind his back. Freaking werewolf senses. ]

[lupusalpha]

[Derek's eyes narrow and he extends his hand. HE wants to see it.]

[studmuffin]

[ Nope.

Stepping back. ]

[lupusalpha]

I'll tackle you to the ground.

[studmuffin]

Uh, no.

[ YOU WOULDN'T. ]

[lupusalpha]

Give me the device.

[studmuffin]

No.

Do you wanna hear it in Russian? Nyet.

[lupusalpha]

[FLYING LEAP.]

[studmuffin]

Holy crap.

[ Ow. Derek, fuck you. ]

[lupusalpha]

[It only takes him a moment to wrestle that device from Stiles' hand and then-

And then-]

Stiles.

[And then he crushes it. Well, sort of. The screen breaks, at least.]