o7 ♞ text

[sickbeat]

john
what the fuck did you do
i swear to god if you made a trade with the deities already im turning you into the authorities this is a crime against humanity

to everyone else plagued with this disease
calm down
breathe
this wont last forever
ill get egbert to write everyone an apology letter on scented paper using only the finest of milled inks
could write to the goddamn queen of england on that paper
wipe your ass with it its so fresh

TO: KAZU

hey man hope youre not too down about looking like a no talent scummy kind of pungent douchebag
but
my best bros here
if you wanna meet him

INVALID RECIPIENT.

dude????

INVALID RECIPIENT.



TO: ASAMI

sup

INVALID RECIPIENT.

shit

INVALID RECIPIENT.

Comments

[johnfoolery]

strangely enough, dave, i had nothing to do with this even though it is the GREATEST DAY EVER.
it is kind of weird, though, i mean, there should only be one nic cage instead of thousands, haha, and i didn't even get to be nic today either.
anyway, you should write an apology letter to ME for assuming i would trade for something this weirdly specific.

[sickbeat]

no fuck you
i have scientific evidence that your arrival brought about the nic cagepocolypse

[johnfoolery]

i don't believe you!
show your process!
actually, i will show you your process for you.
hypothesis: john brought about the nic cagepocolypse
prediction: i wont actually find any proof so ill just say did so over and over again and then make up a bunch of shitty metaphors
test: im too cool for tests
independent variable: how wrong i am about nic cages awesomeness
dependent variable: and also john's awesomeness
results: i am basically drowning in how right i am oh no i wish john would throw me a life preserver of being less right or something because otherwise the metaphor sharks will totally eat me or whatever

[sickbeat]

my name is john egbert.
and i have a colossal boner for nic cage.
the end.

2/2...

[sickbeat]

theres my goddamn thesis professor
with all my shitty clipart included
got some bonus blingee pics of the bonafide actor himself nuzzled cozily into all my academic bullshit
check it
ps the john definition of awesome doesnt even count dude
pss especially when were dealing with cold hard facts here like you cant just go making stuff up it messes with the results
fuck
cant get table scraps of appreciation for the scientific method up in here

[he_who_kills]

Buzz-buzz-buzz.

[sickbeat]

what

[princesstype]

You can trade with them?

[sickbeat]

yup
some people say you shouldnt
but idk from what ive seen you get a pretty good deal out of it

[princesstype]

So kind of like a game of chance, maybe?