poly_chromatic | John: Do an intro post. [Text]

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homestuck - john egbert

John: Do an intro post. [Text]

hey dave.
you’re dumb, and your city is dumb, ha ha.
ok but i am stuck here again, i guess?
so i should say hi to everyone else and not just dave.
let’s all ignore dave actually, because i am way cooler than he is anyway.
hi everyone except for dave!
i’m john.
you should all tell me all the things you like so we can compare stuff.
oh man, and you should definitely tell me what happened past 2009 because some of you guys are from past there, right?
did matthew mcconaughey or nic cage make any new movies?
ok well, i mean, of course they did, but what were they?!
did they ever come out with ghostbusters 3?
you know what we should do?
we should all have a city movie night!

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Greeetings!

hi!
again.

Huh. Another person from the future.

you're from the past?
that's pretty cool too, i guess.
where in the past are you from?
have you seen any movies from now, yet?
maybe i can find a cool movie about the past to show you and you can tell me how much of it is totally made up!

1920. Atlantic City. I haven't gotten to see many movies from now, but y'know, if you think of any good ones I'd be interested.

cooooooool.
are you a gangster?
i bet you're a gangster.
i'm gonna think of the most awesome gangster movie i can and then we're watching it, ok?
what's your name?

That's a pretty big assumption.

[Not... necessarily an assumption he's denying, however.]

I'm Jimmy Darmody.

i wasn't actually sure if you were a guy or not yet so i guess you could have been a moll.
or a lady gangster.
were there dude molls?
whatever, the point is that we are watching a gangster movie.
my last name is egbert if we are announcing our full names for some reason.

I'm definitely a guy. I've never heard of dude molls but that doesn't mean they don't exist. Welcome to the City, John. You don't seem too pissed off about it.

it's way better than being trapped on a flying ship for another two years.

A flying ship? Strange... never heard of anything like that.

yeah, it's this big gold ship my ectosister is propelling through time with spacedog powers.
i don't know, it's weird.

Ectosister? Spacedog? Should I know what those things are?

[Omfg]

[Dave quickly checks the network - it's a normal enough day, nothing like it was a few weekends ago - and he curses so loudly his bird is startled from on top of its cage.]

[shit shit shit shit

HIS BEST BRO IS HERE TO STAY.]

[Deities better not fucking screw this up]

[omfg]

[Whoa bro this isn't fair how come John doesn't get dumped into a fountain with a set of melons on his chest? Rude as hell.]

fuck you too bro
look hate to break it to you but no ones gonna want to watch your shitty movies theyve got enough on their plate with curses and meddling asshole gods
might as well get comfy on your couch
maybe cuddle your print out of nic cages grody visage
whisper it sweet nothings in the candlelight
jesus christ
actually who cares about any of this where the hell are you

jeez, dave, all the curses and goddouches are exactly WHY we definitely need a movie night.
movie nights make almost anything better.
i'm on this sweet merry-go-round.
i am riding a bear, dave.
it's not some lame blue fuzzy bear or something it's a vicious bear that would basically swipe your head off if it was real and i think all merry-go-rounds should be like this.
it could only be better if it was a ghost shark or something.

ok shut up
stay on your goddamn ferocious fuckin bear
ill be there in like
two seconds
so just reapply your lip gloss and straighten up your hairdo until i get there

haha ok, dave.
i am powdering my nose with a vengeance.
i know you won't love me as i am, i need to put on basically a whole jar of concealer.
whatever concealer is, that is what i am slathering all over my face.
am i pretty yet, dave?
will i ever be loved?

[And he is on his way. As fast as he can. Oh my god. And he is still typing like a pro.]

thats a pretty deep question john
right on level with the mariana trench did you get yourself a diving suit for that preposterous amount of depth
dont know if i can answer you just yet though
gotta do a full body inspection
make sure not a hair is out of place

wow you are getting pretty serious already.
full-body inspection and everything.
i am not sure i am that kind of girl, dave!
how can i be sure i can trust you to be honorable?

[He is almost fucking there oh my fucking god oh my fucking god]

im the kind of guy who lives in the fast lane dude
learn to keep up or get left behind in my sweet dust
though i might take the time to slow down a bit so you can catch up
heart full of gold under this ice cold exterior
but hey i bought you roses that means something doesnt it like that should be the number one indicator of trustworthiness

i think it means you are giving me flowers that all have your sister's name and i am pretty sure if she were here she would be messaging you right now to psychoanalyze you.
but also i am swooning right off this bear.
you better come find me before I fall off and bash my head and end up in a dramatic coma!

[He's not swooning on it. He's not even sitting on it. He's standing on its back, searching for Dave in the crowd as the bear goes around and around in circles.]

[And he's here. It's like pretty impossible to miss all that blue. Dave pushes his shades further up his nose and god how many times did he imagine this AWESOME BROTASTIC MEETUP? A lot of times. Especially on the meteor. Especially in the City.

Bahaha but he can't help but ~~smile~~ smirk.]

Yo, Egbert. Have no fear, your Prince Charming has arrived.

[Oh man, it's Dave and he's smiling like a total dork. John, naturally, grins back.

Dave's announcement is made slightly less dramatic by the bear leading John away on another circuit halfway through but WHATEVER. John just jumps right off of the bear and lands lightly on the ground because Heir of Wind, bitches.

Oh wow. It's Dave and he's not even an orange crowboy. It's just actually Dave. What does one do with an actual Dave? What if he tender brohugs him and Dave pushes him off?

What if DAVE WILL JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT because John TACKLEHUGS HIM?!]

[DAVE STRIDER now has one (1) JOHN EGBERT because okay what kind of BROTASTIC MEETING doesn't have a TENDER BRO EMBRACE, huh? A really shitty one, that's what. And Dave is not the kind of dude who engages in really shitty brotastic meetings.

So he snorts because cool guys snort in exasperation as they awkwardly back-pat their best bro of years and years and years. The kind of best bro they haven't really spoken to all that much in the past year because of awful game circumstances.]

Ok, I get that you're starstruck, dude, happens all the time. But even guys like me need to breathe every so often. Look, you've got a free all-day pass to the Strider buffet, slow down before you harm yourself.

Wow, shut up, Dave. [This spoken whilst still ferociously squeezing Dave. True men are not ashamed of their feelings! so says ~~said~~ his dad. John lets go eventually, though, and gives Dave a kind of sarcastic fist bump. It's only kind of sarcastic because it makes him laugh a whole bunch as well.] Anyway, I seem to remember you mentioning flowers! Was that a lie? I am truly hurt, bro. Also: it's only free for one day? Does that mean I have to pay from now on to hang out with you? Because I am not sure you are worth my money!

Nah, I threw them away when I realized you should be the one bringing me flowers. In fact, you should feel honored you even get the whole day considering my busy schedule.

[B U N P.

Oh god Dave feels kinda all fuzzy he's been wanting to do that for years.]

But I figured I left you hanging long enough.

Yes, I can finally die happy now that my fist has touched that of Dave "Lameass" Strider. [Pshhhhh. But he gets all puppy-bouncy shortly after.] So, we need to game in real life now, so I can kick your ass at everything in person. What systems do you have here?

[Because magical cities are so last year. And this year. And his life.]

Shit, dude, do you think I'm made of money? Alls I got is the allowance I get for being jailbait.

[A light bro shove.]

You don't have any? [A short moment of being stunned.] What allowance?

The jailbait allowance. We basically get paid for being young and impressionable.

[A shrug.]

Wanna use said allowance for some grub?

Heck yes! [John grabs Dave by his shoulders and stares very seriously and meaningfully into his eyes.] Do they have hamburgers here? I have almost only eaten fruit gushers and ghostly baked goods for a year. Please tell me they have burgers. I may cry otherwise, Dave! Or go on a killing rampage because I mistook a person for an enormous burger like being stuck on a desert island.

Holy shit.

[Dave is all !!! right now oh my god John warn a bro before you get all panicked and weird on him.]

No, John, we're in the one city ever that doesn't have a fucking hamburger stand on every goddamn corner. That's the one thing they don't have because guess what - it's 2012 and cities like going green now. Pick up your dog's shit and get used to soy, it's about to get all economical up in here.

[A pause.]

Now let's get us some.

[He's going a bit stir-crazy, ok. He's getting there. Sometimes he'll be sitting alone in his room and then he'll remember his sister can be everywhere at once all the time and he gets a little freaked out. Sometimes he tires of a prank in every cookie.]

I don't know! None of the consorts' cities or Prospit or Derse have any hamburgers at all! For all I know, this place is on a diet of only fruit gushers and I'd have to shoot myself in the face!

...and then come back and be really irritated about how there were no hamburgers!

[He starts walking.]

Are there hamburgers in this direction? Because I am just going to assume there are unless you point in a different direction. Dude! I'm talking into your actual face! We're in the same city at the same time! This is beyond awesome.

[DAVE DOESN'T KNOW IF THIS IS JUST JOHN ALL THE TIME OUTSIDE THE COMPUTER OR IF SOMETHING HAPPENED ON THAT SHIP.]

Dude, your swoon is getting all over me.

[But, okay, he can't help his smile, he really really cannot. He's here with John, the dude he's been talking to for years. Seriously. JOHN.]

I'm about to take you to hamburger fuckin' paradise. And tacos. You can save the sacrificial lambs and prayers for later.

Yes, they had more movies. Nothing worth mentioning. No there wasn't a Ghostbusters 3.

of course they're worth mentioning!
unless they only did cameos for some reason, i guess...
but even then.
oh well, you know, i wasn't really sure about ghostbusters 3 and if it could be as great without the original people.
i mean, bill murray didn't even want to be in it!
what's the point?

They're talking about doing Ghostbusters 3, at least that's what I heard from a co-worker. But I don't know how true that is.

they've been talking about it basically since i was born and they still haven't done it so i don't know what to think about it!
other than that it can't be as good.

It's hard to say.

There have been some sequels that are good or better than the originals.

do you actually remember being here before or has someone just told you that you were

haha, no, i actually remember being here!
i met venkman there is NO WAY i could forget that!!!
there were a lot of people here.
i think it was a special visitor day!

oh, cool. yeah, probably, if it was just a couple days.

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John: Do an intro post. [Text]

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1/7

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DONE

:D

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Texty

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text. | sure, text is fine.

text. | it had better be! HOMESTUUUUUCK

text. | it's like a ballad to courier new