Dr Robert Chase (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
intheblanks) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
poly_chromatic2012-01-18 07:38 pm
intheblanks) wrote in poly_chromatic2012-01-18 07:38 pm
Entry tags:
010: TEXT
Before you stick anything up your own arse or anyone else's, make sure it has a wide base. You'll be making your surgeon's life a lot more pleasant.
Plus, unless you can top the 18 inch umbrella, I guarantee you're not going to impress us.
We're not going to believe you fell and landed on the vacuum attachment.
That carrot wasn't oiled because you were preparing to cook with it, unless you've an odd preference for seasoning.
Your anus contains gas. Inserting anything flammable or already on fire up it is liable to blow a hole in your anterior rectal wall. And they're a bitch to live with.
In fact, anything sharp is a bad idea. Anything with narrow, inflexible protrusions.
Barbie has narrow, inflexible protrusions.
You can try introducing the family pet to your backside, but no real cases of rodent insertion have ever made it into medical literature. You're more likely to get an unpleasant bite.
Wood can splinter.
Paint can chip.
Bottles and other objects with an opening are going to cause a vacuum and you're not going to enjoy that kind of sucking, believe me.
If you're set on sticking something up your arse, and I'm not objecting to however you want to pass the time, make sure it's a smooth object with a wide base. You could try a butt plug or someone else's penis. I hear they're reasonably well designed for purpose.
Bad ideas:
Plus, unless you can top the 18 inch umbrella, I guarantee you're not going to impress us.
We're not going to believe you fell and landed on the vacuum attachment.
That carrot wasn't oiled because you were preparing to cook with it, unless you've an odd preference for seasoning.
Your anus contains gas. Inserting anything flammable or already on fire up it is liable to blow a hole in your anterior rectal wall. And they're a bitch to live with.
In fact, anything sharp is a bad idea. Anything with narrow, inflexible protrusions.
Barbie has narrow, inflexible protrusions.
You can try introducing the family pet to your backside, but no real cases of rodent insertion have ever made it into medical literature. You're more likely to get an unpleasant bite.
Wood can splinter.
Paint can chip.
Bottles and other objects with an opening are going to cause a vacuum and you're not going to enjoy that kind of sucking, believe me.
If you're set on sticking something up your arse, and I'm not objecting to however you want to pass the time, make sure it's a smooth object with a wide base. You could try a butt plug or someone else's penis. I hear they're reasonably well designed for purpose.
Bad ideas:
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That's what Percy gets for checking the network on his lunch break.]
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Trip over your broomstick?
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[Sorry, there's just some verbal keysmashing going on over here.]
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So you felt the need to post pictures?
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[Come on Percy, have just just woken up.]
It's a curse.
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I suppose our holiday was too good to last.
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