║ eighty-first stanza ║ video

[mumbled_truth]

[Todd is frowning at the device, lightly. He is wearing a t-shirt which reads "My Father Thinks I'm Worth Less Than This Lousy T-Shirt". He looks down then back at the device, and speaks.]

I don't... I don't expect other people to really care, exactly, about this. I just-- I need to say it, and I think… um. I think it's important that I say it where people can see it. I guess it makes it... I don't know. It means more, that I can do that. I don't really expect anyone to understand.

But.

[Looking down again, at the shirt, and then back up.]

This isn't... it's not my fault, or my problem, or anything that's wrong with me. It's him. It's his problem, and he's… he's the one who needs to fix it. Not me. And what he thinks… it doesn't matter. I know I'm worth more than he thinks.

I am.

[He laughs slightly, nervously, and then shrugs.]

Sorry, I'm-- I really don't want attention or anything, I just... I needed to know I could do this. So. Thank you, anyone who listened.

Comments

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[doeswhathewants]

You do not have to like him or value him back, you know. Just in case you have a hangup about that.

Permavideo

[mumbled_truth]

Well... yeah, I do know that, but--

He is my father. It's sort of harder, that way around.

Permavideo

[doeswhathewants]

And yet you are his son and if he despises you, then it must come easily enough for him.

Permavideo

[mumbled_truth]

I don't think-- I mean, he doesn't despise me, exactly.

But, even if he does, I'm-- I'm the one who's supposed to respect him. That's just... how it works.

[othersdie]

That was brave.

[Justin does not have a curse-afflicted shirt. Not that it matters; the City always reveals the same thing every time a curse like this happens.]

Do you believe yourself?

[mumbled_truth]

[Tentatively, Todd nods. Slowly at first, but then with more conviction.]

Yeah... yeah, I do.

It doesn't really matter what he thinks... I-- I know that I'm worth something.

[othersdie]

Good. I'm glad you know that.

[mumbled_truth]

Yeah... I am, too.

I mean... it did take a while, and I don't always feel that way, but-- I do know it.

[othersdie]

I wouldn't expect anyone to feel valuable all the time.

[rather decisively] You deserve a better father.

[mumbled_truth]

A lot of people do.

[He doesn't think his is the worst.]

But... you just sort of get who you get, right?

[othersdie]

A lot of people pretend they do.

[shrug] That doesn't mean fate couldn't have done better.

[mumbled_truth]

Oh, I meant-- I meant, I think a lot of people deserve better fathers.

You are right, though.

[indecent_butterfly]

[Oh now isn't that just a familiar sentiment.]

More would understand than you think.

[mumbled_truth]

Yeah, I-- I guess that's probably true.

I just hope... I hope that anyone who does understand knows that their worth isn't something others can determine.

[indecent_butterfly]

[Harder to believe when you were named "Worthless" at birth...fathers suck.]

One would agree. It is up to you to make the most of that declaration.

[mumbled_truth]

Yeah. It isn't easy, if you've always been told that, but - nobody's worthless. Nobody should think that they are.

[indecent_butterfly]

[Ne'd disagree with him since ne's done what ne could to live up to the name. But, no one seems to understand that around this place.]

Of course not. But, it makes you stronger to take that stand. There should be much pride in that alone.

[mumbled_truth]

Well, I don't know about pride. It does feel a lot better than just accepting what I've been told.

[indecent_butterfly]

This One does know pride very well. Accept it as it is very fitting in this case.

[mumbled_truth]

Okay... I-- I will, then. Thank you.

[Slightly unusual... not that he considers that a bad thing.]

Um-- we haven't spoken before, have we? My name is Todd.

[indecent_butterfly]

[Satan of Pride and all that, just doing nir job.]

No, One has not had the previous pleasure. [Ne bows toward the device.] One's most gracious greetings Todd. This humble jester is called Mad Hatter.

[mumbled_truth]

Mad Hatter?

[Yes... he certainly would have remembered that. Years in the City, though, and you can accept a few unusual introductions. Even if it's after a slight pause.]

Well, it's a pleasure to meet you.

[harrydresden]

Sounds like he needs a punch in the face to me.

[mumbled_truth]

[Now that entertains him.]

Well... I don't know about that, but. I'm not really in the mood to defend him, right now.

[harrydresden]

No, I'm pretty sure that's what he needs. You're kind of short so maybe a kick in the shin would work well. Just... you know, make sure to get out of retaliation range. [Harry might be a little temperamental about shitty parental figures, and you can't see his shirt but it might be part of the problem]

[mumbled_truth]

Well, I think I'm pretty far out of retaliation range. Of course... I don't think I can punch or kick him from here either.

[harrydresden]

That sounds like a good thing in his case. Better to be away from that kind of influence.

[mumbled_truth]

It's... definitely part of why I don't mind being in the City.

[harrydresden]

That's a positive way to look at it. Good for you.

[mumbled_truth]

Well, I like a lot of things about being here, really. I know most people don't, and I understand why, but... it's really not all bad.

Oh-- um... I'm Todd, by the way.

[harrydresden]

I gotta say, being here is better than where I was going too so I don't think you're that odd to feel that way.

Harry. Nice to meet you.

[mumbled_truth]

I'm glad to hear that-- I mean, not that you were going somewhere worse, of course, but... that you're not too upset, being stuck here. Um.

It's nice to meet you, too.

[harrydresden]

Yeah, I'm pretty glad too. Also pretty glad to hear we'll be plopped right back where we left or I'd be kind of screwed when I did make it back.

☞ don't forget to win first place

[had_not_lived]

[It's hardly surprising that Neil doesn't answer on the Network; on the other hand, he doesn't mention it through the course of the day, either. Only later that evening, getting ready for bed, does he take the time to give Todd's shirt a long look and weigh in. Quietly.]

Your father's an idiot.

☞ don't forget to win first place

[mumbled_truth]

[Todd just laughs, quietly, and shrugs. He's certainly not going to go through much effort to defend the man right now.]

Yeah. I know.

☞ don't forget to win first place

[had_not_lived]

I think the shirt's a little bit funny, though,

[he confesses with the beginning of a smile, shifting a bit on the edge of the bed to lean forward.]

Only because he's so wrong. But it's kind of clever.

☞ don't forget to win first place

[mumbled_truth]

The wording is a little more creative than most of the others.

[And he moves closer to the bed, glancing down at it.]

I mean, not that I really like it, but.

☞ don't forget to win first place

[had_not_lived]

But laughing's probably the best thing to do.

[It's habit, really, more than any particular urge to comfort Todd-- since Todd isn't in need of comforting-- that causes him to reach out for the other boy's hand, pulling him a bit closer. Or maybe it's just because he can, and that hasn't stopped being quietly exciting.]

☞ don't forget to win first place

[mumbled_truth]

Yeah. I guess so.

[Of course Todd grasps Neil's hand back, moving easily toward him. He looks back up with a small smile, easily moving to flop himself down on the bed next to the other boy.]

☞ don't forget to win first place

[had_not_lived]

[He leans in against Todd's shoulder, letting his hand loosen to rest on his arm, calm and comfortable.]

God, home feels a hundred years away.

☞ don't forget to win first place

[mumbled_truth]

[There's a smile and a sigh as he rests his head on top of Neil's.]

I know. I mean, I guess it is a whole other world, but... I don't know. Sometimes I still can't really believe this, that we're here.

☞ don't forget to win first place

[had_not_lived]

We are.

[No doubt about it, as evidenced by the fact that... Well, here they are. Together. More than enough evidence of impossibility. Neil doesn't need anything more than this feeling to convince him.]

☞ don't forget to win first place

[mumbled_truth]

Yeah. I know.

[He shifts his head a bit - a light nuzzle of sorts.]

Knowing doesn't make it less unbelievable, you know.

☞ don't forget to win first place

[had_not_lived]

[Laughing, he lets himself fall back onto the bed, dragging Todd along with him.]

It helps.

☞ don't forget to win first place

[mumbled_truth]

[Of course Todd doesn't mnd being dragged, a move that makes him laugh as well, as he grabs onto Neil.]

Sort of. I mean, I'm not complaining.

☞ don't forget to win first place

[had_not_lived]

I hope not.

[There's not even any mock-indignation in the tone; he's just content to sprawl this way, possibly forever.]

[intheblanks]

I'm glad you know your own worth.

Sometimes dads... Sometimes people think that telling other people they're worthless is going to make them work harder. Might not actually be how they feel about them, might just be what they think is the right thing to do. It's called tough love.

Sometimes it works. But it's never the right thing to do.

[mumbled_truth]

Yeah... I know. It's-- I do think that's what he's trying to do. Or was. But it just-- it never works, and... then he just gets frustrated.