[004] video | if these walls could talk

[keepinitsaucy]

[For the past couple of weeks, things have been seeming to go fine for Andy. He's still staying at the Welcome Center, but he's managed to score a job at a corner market. Most of his nights are filled with patrolling in costume and any down time is met with either sleep or newly acquired video games.

All in all, life is pretty normal for him once again since coming to the City and he feels better prepared to handle things. Even the last couple of curses have been alright, minus the champagne shower and nearly frying himself with static shock on doorknobs.

But today? No sir, today is not a happy day.

His phone is on and the camera pans over to the toaster.]

Okay. Someone please tell the toaster that its purpose is to toast bread so I can finish making breakfast and go to work.

[At this point in time, the toaster itself pipes up, speaking gruffly and now being portrayed in a lovely shade of orange text:]

Yeah, ain't gonna happen, pal. You wanna put toast in me, you're gonna have to fight me because I ain't toastin' toast no more, NOPE. Every day you stick toast in me and do I ever get a word of thanks? NOPE. So you can take your bread and shove it right up your --

Alright, alright! Jesus! Thank you for making toast for me every day, I appreciate it, but can I please just finish so I can go?

Go to hell, kid.

Comments

[Video]

[destinedtobeunpopular]

[Oh. Well then.

He's doing his best to keep from laughing too much.]

Still with the toaster?

[mortemscintilla]

[ staaaaaaaaaaare. ]

...Is your toaster talking?

[archivy]

You could eat something else for breakfast.

[video]

[claimyourself]

Sounds like a lost cause. Maybe go for cereal?

[conesoldstober]

Having difficulties?

[Audio:]

[intheblanks]

[Would a song help? Well, either way.]

Dear Blender,
Oh won't you help a first offender.
Oh, toaster,
Don't you put the burn on me.
Refrigerator,
Why are we always sooner or later,
Bitchin' in the kitchen' or cryin' in the bedroom all night?

[Video]

[keepinitsaucy]

Yeah, it's uh... fiesty.

It's not much to ask for toast, is it?

[keepinitsaucy]

Yeah. I don't think it knows how to shut up either.

Don't you tell me to shuddap or you ain't gettin' toast ever again! ...Who're you talkin' to? I wanna see!

[With a sigh of exasperation, Andy moves the camera over so that Li and the toaster may see each other.]

Toaster, this is Li. Li, this is the toaster.

[keepinitsaucy]

But I have toast every morning.

[He is a creature of habit, poor man.]

[video]

[keepinitsaucy]

But... Now it's just a matter of principle that I have toast.

And I think we're out of cereal.

[keepinitsaucy]

Just a few technical ones.

[archivy]

You will survive not having it today.

[Audio:]

[keepinitsaucy]

You. Hey, you. You hittin' on my refrigerator? She's got nice jugs in 'er, but they're for my coils only, you hear?!

[keepinitsaucy]

Yeah, I guess just this once...

[video]

[claimyourself]

Maybe, but this toaster isn't going to cooperate. Either it'll spit the bread back out at you, or it'll hold it in until it burns down the place.

[mortemscintilla]

[ Hi Talking Toaster Hi. ]

...

Andrew.

Why is your toaster talking?

[mightbeconcussed]

I think maybe you need to just bagel and coffee shop it this morning.

[errandry]

On strike, huh. It come with demands or anything?

[flensing]

[ Someone who frequents the Welcome Center regularly is stopping to stare in surprise... ]

video;

[dignity_misery]

Obviously you just need to turn your rings around and slap that thing.

[keepinitsaucy]

Either it's a curse or it's been fooling me really good the whole time. Otherwise... no clue.

[video]

[keepinitsaucy]

...Just eggs and an apple it is!

[Because he is not risking having the place burn down, oh no.

Somewhere off screen, the toaster shouts almost gleefully:]

Giving up already? Pansy~

[keepinitsaucy]

Yeah, that's starting to sound more and more appealing, actually. I can only take being insulted by an inanimate object for so long.

[keepinitsaucy]

Minimum wage.

And I want you to hook me up with the refrigerator. Hey baby, what's up~

That creepy request, too.

[mortemscintilla]

At least it wasn't something more personal.

Like your shoes or socks.

[ Hei. Bringer of backhanded consolations. ]