poly_chromatic | 025 ▌Un to Intentional Recording [video]

[He's trying to remember some obscure game he learned in recreational mathematics, thinking about how to get that one polymer strand in the tissue he was working on to properly self-replicate without misaligning itself, wondering what to eat and what could be eaten quietly, and attempting not to think about roughly fifty percent of the other occupants in the flat, when he hears her walking over. He lifts an arm when she arms climbing in next to him, settling it around her as she rests on his chest.]

Not quite in sync with it either. It's been bothering me all afternoon. The asynchronization.

[She likes that he lets her just settle against him like that. She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes and trying for just a moment to drown out the sound of the ticking with the sound of him. His voice sounds rumble-y in his chest the way she's listening and vibrates slightly.]

Mmmm, yeah. Just a little off. I like the sound of you better.

[He laughs a little, more a quick exhalation than anything.]

Thank you. I'm glad I beat incessant ticking out in terms of favourable noise.

[She smiles a little at the sound and nods then slides up a little pressing a kiss to his lips.]

Definitely. M'pretty sure I could take a whole day of you-sound without a drink.

[His hand starts absently moving lightly up and down her back as he responds, both a manner in which to keep moving and because it's Rose, in his arms, and why not? It's almost defeatingly normal considering the course of his thoughts as they are, but if he can ignore those he can ignore one more as well.]

I hope you can take several. One might venture to ask even for 'many'. I'm considering speaking to be a me-sound, by the way. Not that this isn't warm and comfortable, but it does rather instantly preclude us from a number of activities. Running. Science...ing. Eating, for you would probably be quite difficult, because you're not allowed to get food all over me. I can set my bowls on the top of your head and have a nice little table though. Maybe we can stay like this.

[All this ignoring is bad for you, Doctor. She certainly doesn't mind the response though. She smirks at his words, shifting a little so she can look at him a bit easier without pulling away too much.]

Oi, think I can use your chest as a table for my bowls. Just don't go laughin' while m'eatin' dinner. [Then she purses her lips, adopting a mocking considering looking.]

Think I can handle 'many' days. Might even stretch it to decades, centuries and with a bit of practice forever.

I can only promise that if you decide to not be funny during dunner, which I doubt you can actually do, and isn't something I'd really want you to try anyway.

[He's a little perplexed by your sudden notion of your own lifespan, Rose Tyler. His gaze drops down to look back at her, working out if she's trying to be poetic or really is going to try and live as long as he is. When his voice comes out it's quiet and soft.] You don't want more than decades, believe me. [It might not have been specifically what she meant, but it's how he interpreted it based on what his own subconscious is doing. Sorry Rose.]

Guess I'll have to eat dry cereal and the like. [Very dramatic sigh.

She...hadn't actually meant for him to take it that seriously even though she has been taking it very seriously which is the reason she doesn't want him to take it seriously at the moment. She's not far enough in her plans to know if he'd approve or not. In fact, at the moment--and maybe at all the moments in the future--she's fairly certain he would not approve. HIs seriousness does make her shift, moving more on top of him, forearms against his chest so that she can cup his face in her hands and give him a serious look. She's not sure how to comfort him. She knows realistically she can't have more than decades whether she wants them or not. At least not now. Her brow furrows a little and she aches for him--and a little bit for her. Her eyes tear up and she bites her bottom lip, letting her feelings for him flood out.] I'm gonna make those decades worth it. I promise.

[Worth the pain he'll feel when she's gone. Or at least she hopes she can.]

[Sorry again; he's taking everything seriously right now. Instead of it being an effort to stay on target and not be flippant, it's quite reversed at the moment.

He watches her shift over quietly, being a bit more passive than normal and letting her settle where she feels like she needs to right now. When she reaches up to cup his face, he closes his eyes for a couple of moments and then goes back to looking at her. It's nice, but his irrational thoughts are being irrational and annoying. And he can tell that now she's clearly upset; he must have taken her words incorrectly.]

You have. You are. I don't think there's any other way you could do it. [He gives her a gentle smile that probably doesn't seem broad enough but matches in tone at least, then brings a hand up to pull one of hers back enough so he can kiss the palm and replace it, looking back at her.] Thank you.

[He's pretty certain of it. He wouldn't have entrusted himself to her if he didn't think it would be worth it.]

[No apologies. She understands and really he's due. It's better that he deal with it as best he can rather then continue to push it down and not deal with it.

He didn't take her words incorrectly really. He just went straight to something that she's been worried about and if any of the little things they've indirectly talked about, he has as well. She watches him, bottom lip tucked between her teeth, eyes still teary before she shakes her head.] I'm so sorry.

[Yes, she is apologizing for her mortality now. She hates it and in some ways they're in very different places emotionally. She's already willingly given up everyone she loves for him. Sure, losing the people she loves will be devastating. She remembers the day she watched the earth explode and realising she'd lost everyone. Everyone she knew, loved and talked to was gone and she was alone but that was before he became her entire universe. It will never not hurt losing people she loves but as long as she's still got him, its an acceptable loss.]

[There is quite a difference emotionally. They've both lost everyone but the other, effectively, but hers was willing and his was very not. And to some degree, this loss will eventually be the same. He probably should have apologised for that - making her watch her own planet disappear without warning her beforehand in any way. At the time there'd just been a need to have someone else see the same thing he had.]

For what? Making them worth it? [Because it is totally fair to drag a conversation down into Depressionville and then try to make light of the exact same topic. He honestly didn't mean for her to know this was still such a big thing; getting bigger the more people accumulated, and the more 'normal' things seemed to become, even.]

[The willingness likely makes all the difference. It's amazing what people can handle when given a choice. It won't be the same. Not if she can change it. One of this days, apropos to nothing, she will ask him if there's some form of 'fountain of youth' that actually exists or that might actually possibly exist.

She smiles a bit sadly at him, her thumb gliding over his cheekbone.]

For not being able to stay longer.

[Choice does have quite a lot to do with it. Technically his was a choice, but given that it was one he was absolutely forced into, that's only serving to make all the negative feelings surrounding it worse.

He swallows around an almost painfully large lump in his throat at this point.] Yeah. Not your fault.

[And they're back to things that there aren't words for. The tears she's been trying to hold back trickle down her cheeks and she buries her head against his chest, her hands sliding down to his neck inside of his collar. This hurts but she wants him to feel that it's worth it.]

You should find another me in another universe and share another life with me.

[After she's gone of course. On the bright side, she's entirely stopped caring about the ticking.]

Edited 2012-01-29 02:22 (UTC)

[He wraps both arms around her at that, a little glad he doesn't have to watch her cry because wow that would not be fun. That would make not crying very difficult. At first he's really not totally sure what to do with the feelings - he has quite a lot of them as well, but they are appreciated after he properly recognises them. It's not that he's not absolutely positive it's worth it - really, because not having her isn't any better, so trying this has got to be better than that - it's just that it's a lot of stuff to deal with and about something he's not good at dealing with anyway.]

If I could get into other universes I'd stop leaving you in them to begin with.

[She doesn't mean to make it worse by crying. She just can't get through this conversation without it. She knows it's worth it. Half of this is worth it because she's lost him once and she'd do it all over again knowing she was going to lose him. She's just hoping this time, they can change things, at least buy themselves more time. Oh well, screw waiting to talk to him about it another time. She moves one hand to mop at her cheeks, forces a smile and looks up at him a bit.]

Fountain of youth. Got to be some sorta truth in it somewhere, yeah?

[At this point she's not even really worried or thinking about looking young. She just wants to stay around as long as he does.]

[It's not really that it's worse, just more brought to the surface than he prefers. But he'd keep everything in deep and covered if he had the choice, so it's probably good that he doesn't have much say in the matter, normally.

When she looks at him he's particularly glad he kept most everything internal anyway though. Maybe a little shining, but that's about all. She does get a look similar to the considering one she got previously though.]

Depends which myth you're following. Which one you want. Why?

[Now see, she should have kept crying, make him get some of the internal out. She does see the shiny eyes though. She raises one eyebrow at him.]

Told you I'd stay with you forever.

[Well, that statement will likely provoke some more feelings anyway, so no worries there.

The considering look turns quite stern, despite all the shining.]

Now... No. No doing that.

[In that case, more feelings are good.]

Just a question, Doctor. S'not like there's a fountain to drink from anyhow.

[She takes a shallow breath, holds it a sec and then lets it out in a bit of a sigh. There's probably still a good deal of emotion coming out of her even if she's not actively trying to direct it to him. It's one of those 'there's so much, she's not controlling it well' things. Lots of love, desperation and sadness.] I want more of me and you.

[He's still looking carefully at her, for any signs of something beyond that having been some sort of offhand comment. It's a little difficult what with all the emotion surrounding everything though, between what's on her face, what he's feeling, and what she's sharing with him. Given that there's so much, it's a little overwhelming. Well, and that it was overwhelming anyway. That's mostly what started all this. but ultimately, he accepts it for now. There's not much else he can do at the moment and he has a decent amount of faith in her not looking to do something like that.]

You wouldn't want to drink from most fountains anyway. A lot of them just taste of old pennies and antibacterials. Or, possibly worse, old pennies and bacteria.

[He lets his gaze drift a little, looking a bit more towards the ceiling instead, because maybe that will be easier.]

Have more than we were expecting to already.

[As he should be. Though really, she doesn't think she'll find the answer in any fountains here. She makes an eww face at his comment.]

Better run 'em by you 'least before hand.

[She's sort of focusing on his mouth or his jaw, not really looking him in the eye.] Mmmm m'greedy but...yeah. Like that bit.

I somehow doubt you'll ever feel the urge to drink water out of a fountain. I haven't ever seen you do it before. You should be fine.

[Little pause after she says her last comment because... Well, because he needed one.] Yeah. You and me together again against the universe. [Never mind that Donna's here, future and past selves are here, future companions are here and now his daughter is here. It's like being surrounded by family again, or some form of it anyway. Because he's terrified of losing any of you the more domestic this all becomes.]

'Less I end up a dog one weekend. [She would totally be a golden retriever.

She understands that. Or she would if she knew how he felt about it. She moves her hands from his neck, sliding her arms as much around him/under him as she can and sort of tangling her legs up with his so that he's as effectively wrapped up in Rose as she can manage in their current position.]

We're goin' to be all right. Me and you together. [It's another bit of same feelings/different perspectives. She loves having all of their 'family' here but she has him and as long as he doesn't go anywhere she's both blissful and terrified of losing him. It's the reason her first action every morning is to make sure he's still in the City through some means, whether it's looking for him, texting him or talking to him.]

[He absolutely lets her fully envelop him in Rose in as much as she can, with his own arms still around her back from before and feeling altogether well wrapped up with her. It's a strange but lovely feeling, and strange mostly just because it's new. He takes a deep breath in and closes his eyes with the exhale, feeling where she is, where he is, where they both are. It's very nice. When he replies, his voice reflects that. Softer again, quieter, much, much more tired, because he was exhausted when she first happened upon him - both physically and mentally, but not without a little negativity because of the whole train of thought he's not let her privy to. Considering she's part of it, he doesn't intend to.] Yeah. We'll be all right.

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